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Articles: Time Pass | Good One - do u want to shift your profession???
- Prof. 00782 Maverick
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From bekaar to badshah, MUMBAI shows you how!
Seven Mid Day reporters tried to earn a day’s honest living with minimum investment. Each spent on an average, four hours yesterday, at various places around the city.
At the end of the day, every single person (and mind you, all of them were making their debut) went home with at least a small profit
‘Bahut chalu lagti hai!’
Gigil Varghese
gigil@mid-day.com
• 10 am: I buy hairbands and safety pins worth Rs 112 from Borivli wholesale market.
• 11 am: I place all my merchandise in a cardboard box, clear my throat and start shouting hairband… shaphty peen! An old woman selling food packets asks me if I am new to the trade. “Pass hai? Ticket hai? Havaldar ko har station par, har hafte bees rupiya dena padta hai,” she warns me. I shuttle between Chinchpokli and Kurla getting in and out of trains.
• 12 pm: At Kurla station, I sell hairbands. A woman bargains and buys four bands for Rs 10. A man buys a safety pin but lingers. “Chai piyegi, hmm?” and comes up with a corny “Mein rubber bhi leta par koi deneko nahi.” I ignore him and move on. Another woman buys three bands for Rs 10.
• 1.30 pm: At Parel station, constable A K Pathare and S S Salare accost me. Pathare asks, “Nayi hain? Tu dhandha kaise karegi? Subah mein woh photographer tera photo nikal raha tha… mein ishare se jaane ko kaha, to bhi tu vahi baithi hai?”
Salare adds, “Tera photo kal sab paper mein aayega. Tu kidhar rahti hai? Hindi aata hai? Marathi aata hai?” I answer, “Thoda! Thoda!” Salare asks, “Tereko malum hain dhanda kaise chalta hain?” I reply, “Voh boodhi boli ki havaldar ko bees rupiya dena padta hai!”
To which Salare tells Pathare, “Bahut chalu lagti hai!” However, the cops do not demand any money.
Hairbandwali
Dhanda: Hairband and safety pin seller
Investment: Rs 112 (Hairbands: Rs 100, safety pins: Rs 12)
Gross income: Rs 150
Net profit: Rs 38
No of hours worked: 3
Income per hour: Rs 12.50 approximately
Day’s income: Rs 100
(Rs 12.5 X 8 hours)
Small bottles of water sell more than big ones
Kashif Khusro
kashif@mid-day.com
• 10 am: I leave my house, without a bath, wearing bathroom slippers and trousers which were in vogue when my dad went to college.
• 11 am: I buy 15 big bottles of mineral water and reach the Dadar-Pune bus depot.
• 11.15 am: Anything sells, is what I find out in a couple of minutes. Neelkanth, an FM radio hawker is of great help. “There, behind the flyover,” he points out, “are the private cars which go to Pune,” he says.
• 11.30 am: My first customer — a young man in a Tata Sumo on the way to Pune. “Bada bottle de,” he says and gives me a Rs 20 note, for which I do not have change. “Who mera driver hain udhar, us se le ley,” he says.
• 12.30 pm: One hour into peddling, I realise that I haven’t made many friends. I go inside an air-conditioned private bus (because I cannot reach the window) and the attendant literally pushes me out.
“Saala, tum log key wajah sey bus mein chori hota hai. Bhaag idhar se c@*%ya, nahi toh doonga chamat,” he tells me in no uncertain terms.
• 2.30 pm: I sell all the 15 bottles and buy more bottles in bits and spurts and sell 26 more. I learn that customers want small bottles and oblige.
• 3.30 pm: Having made more than Rs 100, exhausted and, ironically, dehydrated, I decide to wind up operations.
Paniwallah
Dhanda: Paniwallah
Investment: Rs 300 (41 small and big bottles)
Gross income: Rs 407
Net profit: Rs 107
No of hours worked: 4 hours 30 mins
Income per hour: Rs 23
Day’s income: Rs 184
(Rs 23 X 8 hours)
Want to earn money? Don’t be a smartass!
Rajesh Tahil
rtahil@mid-day.com
• 2 pm: I scan the signal at Metro/Dhobi Talao and figure out the most suitable point to launch into my venture.
• 2.15 pm: Strategy in place; so are the fears. (Like bumping into my snooty Sindhi townie aunties, ‘So, this is what he does at Mid Day!’). But time is running out, so off the divider and into the ring.
• 2.17 pm: I stand at the signal, wait for the light to turn red, start walking through traffic. Mid Day! Mid Day! Mid Day! I run back to the signal when the light turns green. Start again.
• 2.25 pm: Mid Day! Mid Day! and a slightly desperate — Midday!
Middaymidday! “Saab andar Aishwarya Rai ka photo hai!” Bingo, net profit 75 paise!
• 2.45 pm: Lesson no 1 in traffic signal survival: When big car speeds towards you, jump out of its way quick. If it’s a teenager with a red bandana and ‘Dhoom Machale Dhoom’ blaring, jump at double speed.
• 2.50 pm: Middaymiddaymidday, I go in front of a cab with three men in it. Guy in front points to the back, “Peechewala saab ko do.” Guy at the back, “Arre saamnewala bada saab hain, usko do.” I suggest they each contribute a rupee to buy a copy.
The good humour evaporates. Lesson no 2: Want to earn money, don’t be a smartass!
• 3.30 pm: The pile of copies in my left arm thins out. I eagerly await the treat I promised myself at the end of this (a mawa cake and chai at Kayani). Two more copies and one extremely kind Parsi lady later, I am on my way!
Mid Daywallah
Dhanda: Mid Daywallah
Investment: Rs 62.25
Gross income: Rs 87
Net profit: Rs 22
No of hours worked: 2
Income per hour: Rs 11
Day’s income: Rs 88
(Rs 11 X 8 hours)
‘Naya hai kya, pehle dekha nahin’
Danish Khan
danish@mid-day.com
• 11.55 am: “Popcorn le lo, popcorn! Taaza, mazedaar popcorn, paanch rupye ka ek packet.” I feel the whole world knows I am a fraud popcorn seller. There are penetrating stares from the photographers near the Gateway. “Naya hai kya, pehle dekha nahin,” asks one of them.
• 12.10 pm: “Paanch bahut zyaada hai. Teen rupye mein do,” says a man. It’s a big relief for he is the first to evince interest in my popcorn. So far, all I’ve got is a rude, ‘nahin chahiye’, or simply no reply. He is adamant and after some ‘mol bhaav’ he doesn’t buy.
• 1.25 pm: A waferwallah calls me only to say “chale jaa yahan se nahin to tera maal pakadwa doonga”. Another popcorn seller tells me to disappear. He abuses me and stops only when an ice-cream seller intervenes. “Koi bhi pooche to bolna Khan ice-creamwallah ka aadmi hoon. Bindaas bech.” Good soul.
• 2.15 pm: I have sold four packets so far. Suddenly a couple of peanut-sellers start running towards Radio Club. “BMC has come, run,” one of them says. Everybody disappears.
• 3.15 pm: After selling some packets to taxi drivers (three packets for Rs 10) near Radio Club, I return to Gateway.
Popcornwallah
Dhanda: Popcorn seller
Investment: Rs 45
Place: Gateway of India
Gross income: Rs 60
Net profit: Rs 15
No of hours worked: 5
Income per hour: Rs 3
Day’s income: Rs 24
(Rs 3 X 8 hours)
‘Sell it to the rickshawdriver, he has more hair’
Swati Ali
swati@mid-day.com
• 11.30 am: Extremely uncomfortable, I’m unable to sell anything. Being the subject of everyone’s stares proves difficult.
I notice footpath dwellers squatting on the divider. A woman smiles at me and I know I’m safe. She notices my interaction with the photographer, and asks me, “Tu jaanti hai usko?” I say yes.
She tells me, “Usko bol khud bechneko, saala…” She shows me how to arrange my flowers attractively. It works! A woman buys the whole bunch of roses.
Strangely, a woman confides in me. “There was a time when my husband would buy flowers for me at the signal. Now he is no more. What will I do with them?” she asks.
Another complains that she was losing hair. “Kuthe lavaychi phule kes nahi tar? Sell it to the autorickshaw driver, instead! He has more hair,” she adds.
• 1.30 pm: In the midst of all this, a man of around 25 years approaches me and buys the rest of the flowers.
He asks me if I will be at the same place tomorrow as well. I’m too confused to give an answer and he adds, “Agar aap yahaan kal bhi rahenge toh main kal phir aakar saare phool kharid loonga.” It definitely isn’t easy for a girl alone.
Phoolwali
Dhanda: Phoolwali
Investment: Rs 100
Gross income: Rs 140
Net profit: Rs 40
No of hours worked: 3
Income per hour: Rs 13 approximately
Day’s income: Rs 104
(Rs 13 X 8 hours)
‘Madam, haath mein paisa nahi rukta hai’
Naveeta Singh
naveeta@mid-day.com
• 12.45 pm: Armed with a placard and a mattress I reach Churchgate station and decide to put up my stall near Jehangir Art gallery as it is frequented by tourists.
• 1 pm: My first customer is a writer who wants to make it big in Mumbai. I ask him to wear a white shirt to interviews. (Linda Goodman says so — I read the book in the morning). He pays me Rs 10 and leaves.
• 1.30 pm: A driver listening to my conversation approaches me. His problem — sleepwalking. I empathise and ask him to see a doctor. He is happy to pay me Rs 20.
• 1.45 pm: A woman hawker asks me when her dhanda will pick-up. I console her saying that after the tsunami fear subsides, tourists will come to Mumbai in a few weeks and her dhanda will resume. She asks me to tell the fortune of two relatives for the same price. I oblige and tell the three women to fast for four days in a month.
• 2.15 pm: “Madam, haath mein paisa nahi rukta hai. Kya karoon?” says my next customer. I advise him to deposit at least Rs 2,000 every month in the bank. He is happy to hear this; gives me Rs 50.
• 2.30 pm: A railway official, a troubled father and a husband are my next customers — all pay me Rs 10.
• 3 pm: Wow! I’ve already made Rs 110 in two hours.
Jyotish
Dhanda: Jyotish
Place: Outside Jehangir Art Gallery, Fort
Investment: Zero. A placard saying ‘Ab Kya Hoga? Humse jaaniye’, made from wastepaper available in office. I also borrowed my mother’s sari and a rudraksh mala.
Gross income: Rs 110
Net profit: Rs 110
No of hours worked: 2
Income per hour: Rs 55
Day’s Income: Rs 440( Rs 55X8 hours)
‘Come home, I’ll pay you Rs 2,000’
Vinod Kumar Menon
vinodm@mid-day.com
• 9.45 am: I slip into my role with confidence after Suraj Chauhan, a Bollywood make-up artist makes me look the part. Half-an-hour later, I emerge, towel on my shoulder, bottles of mustard and coconut oil in my hands and walk towards my destination — Dadar TT
• 10.40 am: After 10 minutes, I get my first customer. He asks for a champi (a head massage). I make a big blunder — applying mustard oil instead of coconut oil, but my customer doesn’t notice.
He says he is radio jockey Shivkumar Singh. He’s so happy with my service that he says he wants to hire me for a monthly payment of Rs 2,000, on condition that I visit him at his residence.
• 10.50 am: My second customer wants a champi. He tells me precisely what to do: Apply very little oil on his head, pull the hair from its root and finally rub the head hard. He pays me Rs 20.
• 12.15 pm: I holler, “Tel malish, sahab malish karoge kya?” and meet my sixth customer. He is a middle-aged man in his Maruti and asks me to massage his legs. He pays me Rs 10.
Malishwallah
Dhanda: Malishwallah
Place: Dadar TT junction
Investment: Rs 41(2 bottles, comb, mustard and coconut oil, 2 baskets)
Gross income: Rs 150
Net profit: Rs 109
No of hours worked: 2
Day’s income: Rs 436 approx
(Rs 54.5 X 8 hours
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