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Articles: My Experience | My Fight with My Lord, Shirdi Sai Baba
- Ms. Prasanthi Uppalapati
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| This is about my fight with my best friend, Shri Shirdi Sai Baba, who is with me in each and every second of my life. I revelled in His company. He is great. Really great. He is omnipotent, omnipresent and more so He is a devotee friendly god. He doesn't need orthodoxy. He just need unconditional devotion. He speaks with you with just a look at Him. He answers your every call. He teaches you morals, standards, love and patience.
But He has put me to a test very cleverly. Very cleverly. I am always at awe for the way He does the things. His ways are simply ununderstandable. But cool. He dragged me. I am sure it is His plot. I thought He is there with me and will be there with me. Unfortunately I failed. But I don't think I failed because He wantonly failed me to show the world for I am only looking at Him so far and Him only so far.
He also kept Himself aloof from me. He is there, but he didn't talk. He is there but he didn't smile. I was all alone because He is the only friend of me. He is my only company. But I am also a stubborn girl. If He is tenacious, I am obstinate. bhaktula kOrikalu tIrchE AyanakE aMta paTTudala uMTE, AyannE nammukunna nAku iMkeMta uMDAli?
Thats why I just challenged Him, 'you or me, it should be decided'. I only said, 'you cleverly woven the plot and tailored the circumstances. you only get me out of them'. He still kept quiet. I just thought ok, let me pass this test. Let myself test the sayings. 'If you look to me, I will look to you'. If you believe me, I live your confidence.
In every way, I have the edge. May be I am a sinner, but I should atleast have the opportunity to select my punishment, ofcourse pain be the same. I never violated the Dharma. I never overlook the aspect of Karma. But still, he tests me. I only failed in one test but I proved myself worthy of the cause in every subsequent test He has put to me.
He is now showing me the gallows. I need not worry for long before only I kept my head to be butchered by Him or to be smothered by Him.
Time and again I proved Him my deservance. I didn't deterred from my perseverance. I literally wore my heart on my sleeves. I was like a candle in the wind and persisted and continued to glow for every tornado that blow.
But Alas, what can I do, but to fight till the last drop of my blood. If someone else hurts, you can complain to god. But if god only hurts, to whom I can complain. Ofcourse I am knowledgeable. I am educated. I know that god never do the things without any reason. God is correct in each and every action. There are many people who suffer, who are pathetic. God only gives us the things, which we can bear.
Confidence on me and god, these are only my companions. Honesty and loyalty are my weapons. Dedication is my chariot and devotion is the light. My values are my path. My belief and my wish is my goal.
He has been threatening me not to go in that way. He tried in every possible way. But I am determined. I patiently moved ahead towards my goal. But Alas, now He has closed the door for me completely. No way for me now to go. No one else can open it. He doesn't answer my calls. He is visible to me but do not answer.
So What to do? I broked down there. I am in no mood to pray. I am not interested to plead. I became dumb and deaf. Life has come to standstill. What to do? What to do?
I again grew strength. I consoled myself. I patted my back, I cuddled myself. 'No my child, don't cry. You deserve your wish for you are His loyal servant. Stand, wipe your tears. Never give up. Call Him with all the vigour. Pray Him with all the devotion. Question Him with all the perfection. Let us see what happens. Until the last minute, fight for your life. Nothing is more powerful than the belief not even god. You have that in you. Just fight'.
Here I am, decided to fight with Him. What if I am alone, very alone, I am there for myself. If possible, bless me. Pray for me. Ask Him not to kill me for I want to live, live with my principles and convictions. Ask Him not to take my hope, not to take my life. I am not asking Him to cancel the punishment, I just ask Him to let me choose my punishment. I am ready to bear any consequence but atleast I should be alive to bear all those things. I want to live. I want to live. I do not want to die. Tell Him if He really wants to enjoy the game, give me my chance to play but not to ban me from the court.
P.S. This doesn't mean I question His kindheart. I love Him. I love Him to the core for He is my one good lord, my best friend and my everything. I know how merciful he is. How good he is. I know no one is like my god, my beloved god, my dear god. I just keep my head on His feet and clean it with all the tears. I only wait for Him to take me into his lap again and be as good friend as ever. This fight is going on for years. Just now it has come to climax.
I may go to Shirdi with my family if He permits. May be on 23rd of this month and will return on 28th. Let us see what happens.
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