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Articles: Humour | Humour and Jokes
- Prof. venkata ramanamurty mallajosyula
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1.Safety advice on a hoarding in Hyderabad: “USE your Head or Lose Your Head – Wear a Helmet.”
2.My husband I were out for a walk when we found ourselves in front of a bakery. I simply couldn’t resist. Inside the store there was a sign listing prices, but it wasn’t clear to me how much a multiple purchase cost. So I asked the clerk,” How much is a half-dozen?” The answer was quick: ”Six”
3.Ihave known a married couple for a number of years. He was a wicked sense of humor and she’s rather materialistic. As her birthday neared, she made it clear on numerous occasions that the only acceptable gift from her hubby would be a pendant with a diamond of over carat. On the day, she opened the large, beautifully wrapped gift only to find that the box contained a rather small pendant with a minus-cule diamond, drapper over a carrot.
4.One day whilst on an airplane I was seated next to an old woman who, for an hour, told me about her grandchildren. She even produced a photo album of all seven of them. Finally she realized she’d been doing all the talking and said “Oh I am sorry. I ’ve been doing all the talking. I know you must have something to say. Tell me what do you think of my grandchildren?”
5.Fifteen years after leaving school, I started university. Things were progressing well until one evening I ran into a trouble while working on a geology assignment. I had to find the square root of a number. I vaguely recalled complimented maneuver but finally had to ask my high- school-age grand daughter for help.
“Do you have a calculator?” she asked. “Of course,” I said.
“Punch the number in,” she advised, “then push the square-root button.”
6.Overheard at a dance: I’ve the feeling that I’ve already danced with you once…your face is familiar.”
“I could say the same about your foot.”
7.John complained to his doctor that his wife kept crying out ”No, Tom, no Tom.” In her sleep.
“I wouldn’t worry too much.” Said the doctor” after all, she is saying no.”
8.Awoman claimed she could tell if her husband was lying just by looking at his face.
“If his lips are moving, he’s lying she said.
9.My wife was in labor with our first child. Things are going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout,” Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!
“Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife? I asked.
“She is having contractions, silly.”
Prof: Venkata Ramanamurty Mallajosyula
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