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Articles: Humour | Laughing Mail
- Prof. venkata ramanamurty mallajosyula
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1.One a dark night, a thief reached the safe of a rich jeweller’s shop. On it was written, “Please don’t use explosives .The safe is open. Only turn its handle.”
Following the instructions, the thief turned the handle and suddenly. A huge sand bag fell on him. The security guards arrived on the spot and caught him in a dazed state. The thief while being carried away on the stretcher was heard moaning” I have lost all faith in humanity…”
2..Announcement at Dehradun Railway station in 1962: (English and Hindi very fast)
“KRUPAYAA DHYAN DEEJIYE!” “ DEHRADUN EXPRESS!”, “ DEHRADOON SE , HOWDA JANEVALI EXPRESS GADI , BADI LINE KI PLAT FARM NUMBER DO PAR , AAJ BARAH BAJE ANE KI , SOOCHANA MILEE KHAI !( heard as chai )
3.The superintendent of a mental hospital observed a patient carefully writing letter. He asked him,” To whom you are writing?
The mad man replied, ”To myself,”
“What are you writing?”
“Are you mad? How can I read the letter before I receive it?”
4.Wife: You are going bald. Why don’t you do some thing about it?
Husband: It is not necessary. All great thinkers and philosophers lost their hair early like me.
Wife: I don’t believe. In your senseless talk.
Husband; Even I didn’t believe earlier but after taking a good look at your long hair, I have formed my opinion.
5.One beautiful lady rushed to the psychiatrist and said ”Doctor, I have fallen in love with a charming person. He also loves me.
The lady further stated :Our parents have also agreed to our marriage and we are sure that it would be .a successful one.
Doctor: Then what is the issue.?
Lady: I don’t know how to tell my husband?
6.Customer; Pardon me , I am running short of cash.
Hotel owner: No problem. Just to remind ourselves, we are noting your name and amount on that display board.
Customer: But this way , all other customers will seemy name.
Hotelier: Don’t worry sir, we will hide your name, by hanging your shirt over it.
7.Doctor explaining the pills, ”The red one is for your throat, blue one for your stomach, and white one for your heart. Is it ok?”
“Yes, I have understood, but do the tablets know where they are to go?
8.Daughter: Mom, if some one breaks the drawing room flower vase, what would you do?
Angrily mother replied; I will break his or her bones
Daughter: Then be prepared, Dad’s coming this way with a broken one.
9.A lawyer obviously wanted his young son to become a lawyer too, so he began reaching him to tell lies.
One day to test his son, he asked, Son, if you tell a lie, without thinking for a second, then I will give you hundred rupees.
The smart son replied, Hundred, You said two hundred, Dad!”
10.Priya: I am shocked! Just minutes ago, that tall, smart and attractive gentleman was talking to me so nicely and then suddenly , his face turned pale and he walked away with out a word.
Ria: Probably, he saw me coming. He’s my husband..
10. Lawyer to his client: If I can prove that you are mad. Then you can be out of jail.
Accused: Ok! You get me out this on any count
Lawyer: While replying to the judge, talk in illogical. and wild manner.
“Fine! I can handle this.”
In the court, the judge asked the accused; Do you admit of your crime?
Accused: Crime, chime! Why is the clock not chiming?
You killed me …, you got out of here, ha.. ha… ha … all of you laugh with me … say Ramachandra ki Jai
Judge: As the accused is mad and .has lost mental balance, I order his release.
Once outside the court premises the lawyer asked the ’ mad ‘ client for his fees.
The accused started rambling: Fees, bees, and say, run there is a tiger, run for your life, there is tiger around….laugh and say aloud with me Ramachandra ki Jai
11.A miser was on his deathbed. All his four sons we near him. Gathering all his strength, he said, “Where is chunky that donkey?
“I am at our feet massaging them.”
“And where is Manu, the monkey?”
“Dad next to you, holding your hands.”
“I don’t here Ravi, that rabid dog, Where is he?”
“I am pressing your head dad”
“And that idiot, Suru?”
“I am next to you.”
“Fools, if all of you are here, who’ s going to mind the shop?”
12. Once, Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru was on a visit to the Mental Hospital. He bumped in a patient who had recovered by then.
Nehru asked him, “So, how are you now?”
“I feel better. Tell me what’s your name?”
“Jawaharlal Nehru.”
“I, too, was saying this before getting admitted to the hospital!
-Prof: Venkata Ramanamurty Mallajosyula
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