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manjari 's Blogs >> WHO IS RIGHT

WHO IS RIGHT?

After a long time, I felt like sharing my thoughts with all here. This is really a topic where elders and youngsters have to really brainstorm for the good of the society. I have left India a decade ago. But I am sure India still has those firm roots of culture and though there are some changes due to the western society influence, children and youngsters with a strong foundation in their upbringing will at least think twice before they break those delicate threads of bondage with family, love, attachment and also getting away from shouldering responsibilities when needed.

The first shocking incident when I left India and started working in the west was one of my senior managers in the teatime chitchat complained, "My daughter is 14 years old. She still wants to be with me." How come a mother expects a 14-year-old girl to move out of the house? Why she can't keep her at home? Here the problem is with the parents. They want to be free from all responsibilities. When the youngsters go wrong and seek bad company and go wrong, they will become nuisance to the society, which is happening in most of the cases. So, the basic idea of parents to get away from their responsibility once the kid is capable of earning by working part-time here and there is really really astonishing. Given the scenario, there are children who
Work hard and earn their living and also side-by-side do their studies too and come up in life. Imagine the child living outside the family and making their life and just meeting parents once in a while, can he/she will have that bondage with the family, as it should be? Can he/she be blamed if parents become sick and need help and if they don’t turn up? No. Because it is parents who drive them out of their homes/lives forever when the child is still not mature enough which is wrong.

Secondly, there are others. Who give every thing to their children and bring them up
With love and responsibility. Give them good education in private schools, get them
Tuitions and work hard day and night to build up wealth for children. Children study very well, reach top positions in the industry and are capable individuals with lots of
Money in hand. They still live with parents. Get up in the morning, eat breakfast, carry lunch box given by Mom and come back from office and relax and do not bother what is happening with the family / parents. One mother was shown on Television recently in a show complaining about her daughter who is earning heaps of money but spends it away on luxurious good, trips and going out with boy friend on tours etc. That girl who is an intelligent and successful young lady is having a nice bed room and her collection of 100 costly brands of sandals and shoes and her wardrobe with 100s of costly dresses is displayed on TV. She does not bother to pay even a single dollar for household expenses. I felt pity to the mother who was so desperate to bring her daughter on the show in front of public and was asking her daughter to get out of the house in eight months time. Daughter says that she won’t get a decent accommodation, which is like her home, and she has attachment to the house and to the place where she is born and brought up. I really liked the way the poor girl is pleading. Here to my understanding the fault lies with parents. Parents, especially mother has to teach their children to share the house hold chores as it becomes difficult to one person to do laundry, ironing the clothes, cleaning the rooms and cooking and shopping groceries etc. Over and above the bills mounting high for electricity etc. if it is an average household where just single parent is working for bread and butter. Publicly complaining about children once they go out of hand is ridiculous. Why not talk it out? Make them sit and understand what is expected of them? It is your child. You gave birth. You have inculcated and trained your child to behave in a certain way. So, why regret it now?

The economy in every country is not going good, we all know it. All the families have to consolidate themselves to live together and work in a smart way to make a comfortable living. When parents work hard and bring up children and at one point parents will have some problem or the other, what is wrong if the son/daughter takes the responsibility and runs the house? It is all understanding and sharing and caring in the families, which has to develop. Separation from family brings no good any time.

There are some young boys and girls who think that it is their right to exploit parents. They become arrogant and proud once they achieve academically and professionally in their lives. They start showing their arrogance at parents and I have also seen a boy
Asking his dad “You see. At the age of 23 I have started earning 100k. Throughout your life you struggled but you did not reach even nearer to that”. Dad kept quiet. But mother said “Beta. It is because of his hard work and his love towards you, he spent thousands of dollars on your education and sent you to private schools. So, the credit goes to your dad for not becoming selfish to go away from the family and furthering his education or running after money and leaving the family welfare. Since he was all the time concentrating on you, he ignored his self-interests. So, do not talk rubbish from now on.” So, this is the generation where after they start earning good, they completely forget what their parents have done for them. So, values have to be
Inculcated in children from a very young age. Otherwise, they are good for nothing individuals with no bondage, responsibility or love towards family.

One young boy has inherited some property from his grand parents who deposited
Money for his studies. After that parents of the boy are separated. This young boy took advantage and started spending all the money on tours and luxuries and have become a wreck who will torture his mother if she does not give money when he needs. He is nearly 30 years old and does not have a job and does not study and was a failure in school. So, here the lesson is never ever discuss finance with young children. Do not give away to their childish pranks or demands. Nip them in the bud and make them straight when they are still young enough. Othewise they become arrogant and stupid and useless and like this guy who calls his mother names and was
Calling her in public “Greedy Woman. She always wants to save money and does not
Give any thing easily.” Just see his attitude.
Continuation in another blog.