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Very sweet article Vani gaaru... Keep writing... God bless u.. Take care, pushpa

Posted by: Ms. Pushpakumari Pushpa At: 1, May 2006 11:49:34 AM IST

Madan Garu and voice garu, na story writing ela improve chesukovali ani baga rasaru.Madan garu nenu story rasinappudu alochinchaleka poyanu okae drustito chusanu but as u said coin ki inko side nunchi kuda alochinchi unte bagundedi.nenu rasina story ni chadivi me true comments cheppinanduku meku chala thanks..meru rasina comments ni positive ga tesukoni inka baga rayadaniki try chestanu

Posted by: Mrs. Vani At: 2, Apr 2005 0:09:42 AM IST

Dear Vani garu Best wishes & hearty congrats. on ur first write. Good attempt on a good concept - needs narration & development as suggested by other commentators - hope to see many more good writes from u.

Posted by: Mrs. krishnaveni gudepu At: 1, Apr 2005 2:56:39 PM IST

vani gaaru, good attempt. katha, kathanam gurinchi already naluguru comment chesaaru. so, nenu daani gurinchi maatlaadadalachukoledu. mee upodghaatam gurinchi. chinnappati nundi ammaayi ki kaavalasinavi annee konichchi, pelli vishayam lo maatram ammaayi, ishtaaishtaalu pattinchukoru annattu vraasaaru. suppose, 3,4 years vayasu pilla gaa unnappudu, deepaavali appudu lakshmi bomb kaavaali ante konistaaraa?? konivvaru. endukante, adi kaalche vayasu kaadu, aa vayasulo kaalchabote, kaallu, moham, chetulu kaalavachchu. alaage, chinnappatnundi adiginavi annee konivvaru. idi ammaayike kaadu, abbayi ki koodaa vartistundi. ilaanti chinna chinna vishayaalalone peddalu jaagrattalu teesukoni, apaayam ledu ani anukunte tappaa, edee konivvaru. ammaayike kaadu, abbaayiki kooda. alaantidi ika pelli vishayam lo enta jaagrattagaa undaali. kaani, ikkade parents goppadanam telisedi. oko saari tama stomataku minchina sambandham ayinaa, cheyyataaniki try chestaaru. endukante, 'dhanm moolam idam jagath'. ee prapancham dabbu tone nadichedi. ammaayi pelli ante, end of teenage lo jarugutundi. aa vayasulo udukuraktam, aavesam tappa, aalochanalu undavu. chaala saarlu vaalla niranayaalu future lo flop kaavochchu. pelli anedi, life lo okka saari chesukuntene baavuntundi. successful ayitene baavuntundi. fail ayina vaaru batakakoodaadu, batakatledu ani cheppatam ledu. daani valla chaala suffer avvaali. ee bhayam kosame, peddalu manchi chaduvu, aasti unnavaalla sambandham cheyyaalani korukuntaaru. e talli, tandri kooda, tana kooturu sukhapadakoodadani pelli cheyyaru. tana intlo kanna, ekkuva sukham, santosham attagaarintlo pondaalane tapistaadu, andukosam konni tyaagalu cheyyataaniki koodaa siddapadataaru. vaariki jeevitam anubhavame, paathaalu nerpinchindi. aa anubhavam tone nirnayaalu teesukuntaaru. this is the other side of the coin

Posted by: Madan TG At: 1, Apr 2005 8:32:02 AM IST

Dear Mrs.Vani, the title is very good. cheppali ani anukunna bhaavaanni chaala thondharalo cheppinattu anipisthundhi....twist lu avi ivi ivvamani kaadhu....story ni parts n pieces ga raasukovaali....scene ki scene ki madhya konchem gap ivvali...antha oke monotone lo cheppukuntu poyinnattu undakoodadhu...story chadhuvuthu unte reader lo interest kaliginchaali...dhaaniki manaku maname oka stranger ga story ni analyse cheyali...'nenu oka reader ga naa story chadhivithe nenu ela react avuthaanu' ani check chesukovaali... telugu font lo story raayadam chaala kastam..naaku thelusu..endhuku cross checking chaala untundhi... anyways...ur story was nice... American sambandhaala gurinchi parents pade thapana inkonchem explain valasindhi..pelli gurinchi ammayi manobhaavala, tastes, anxiety, tension describe cheyaalsindhi (as per the title u have chosen).. i'll suggest u to read 'Tholisiggu dhontharalu' by Sri Lekha... ammayi bhaavalu ela unnatayi ani vivarinchindhi thanu ee short stories lo...naaku chaala nachchina kathallo adhi okati... oka writer ga meeru reader meedha impact choopinchaali ani ante brain tho aalochinchi raayakandi..manasutho aalochinchandi..endhukante oka story chadhivetappudu spandhinchedhi manasu...analyse chesdhi mind.. hope u'll come up more good stories like this... best wishes n regards, Voice.

Posted by: Voice At: 12, Mar 2005 1:32:24 PM IST

Vanee gariki Namaskaram nenu mee articles chadivanu katha chala bavundi Ammayiki Pelli Us lo me anubhavam kuda chadivanu chala interesting ga vundi Thank u

Posted by: Mrs. lakshmi ganesh At: 10, Mar 2005 1:04:27 PM IST

suresh garu, Thankyou very much for the comments and good suggestions.

Posted by: Mrs. Vani At: 10, Mar 2005 6:44:25 AM IST

Vani garu, Your first attempt is great. I really appreciate it. But you need to improve a lot. Keep writing. My comments on this story: 1. This is just like telling a movie story in just 10 minutes. 2. This short story is very cinematic, just like a telugu movie story. 3. Short story should not be like an entire movie story. If you want to tell the complete story of a movie, then you should write a Novel not a Short Story. Anyway, don't treat my comments as negative - try to improve based on mine and others comments. Wish you all the best!

Posted by: Mr Suresh KVS At: 10, Mar 2005 4:05:31 AM IST

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