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The issue of dowry transaction is so shameful, yet everyone seems to be eager to get it and are even putting forth arguments and masking their greed with some rationality of elders hard work / investment in sending kids to US etc. How come marriage has transpired into sole 1000% profit returns guaranteed business escapes my imagination. If we want to understand and eradicate the menace of this dowry system, we need to understand the origin of dowry as it started. Every society adopts / practices some kind of traditions as suited per the time and have some rational explanation. Dowry, aka Vara Katnam when it started in the ancient days, had its significance and was necessary for the following reasons: The life expectancy of humans was very low, especially that of the male members of the society, as they are exposed to working outside the home. Particularly male members of the society formed the larger risk group of dying at an early age due to accidents /snake bites / wild animal attacks /wars etc depending on the livelihood pursued. Females of the society had more or less more stable rather unrisky lifestyles (Except for the perennial child bearing process, which could cause havoc to the body, and weakened immune system). Females could fall sick, but death rates were higher among male members. In this backdrop, when the husband dies at a premature age, the female is left to rear the multitude of fatherless children (I am sure they didn't practice we two and ours two then in regimented manner). Being female of that age and not endowed with employable skills, she would have to depend on the goodwill of either husband's family or her family. Also, we need to be cognizant of the lack of a well documented, detailed and thoroughly administered property rights affected by an efficient judicial system at that time. All these led to a system of giving some property (mobile & immobile) in the name of the girl so that she could sustain her life in any eventuality, so that the society is not burdened with unruly, uneducated and ill-fed children from these helpless widows. Also, this helps the widows not to take up drastic measures of either suicide or prostitution, both of which would be a shame to any civilized society. But coming back to 21st century, are our women in the same dire straits? Answer is a resounding NO! Women of this age are well educated, capable of achieving on par, if not more with their male counterparts. We have as many women entrepreneurs, for God's sake we even had a Women PM whose rule showed us one of the best times in National pride (remember how she crushed pakis in 1971??, eh?). We have several women CMs. Now what was once, a necessary practice has turned into an evil practice. Every society and culture has to modify its customs according to changing times, else it ill result in perishing of the society. We, Indians (and Hindu culture) has shown great tenacity in absorbing, adapting to new things of changing times. If so why is this FIXATION with dowry. Also, I see this rampant in GULTIs. What kind of greed drives us to this insane, impractical and irrelevant practice? It abhors to read some morons justify dowry practice and granting immunity with unquestioned impunity. The change should come from all educated Men and Women. Mothers and Mother-in-Laws. Fathers and Father-in-Laws. and so on. That should not be the end of the change; we need to reform the entire marriage system. Why so much pomp and waste in our marriages? Why can't GULTs adopt simpler marriage systems (still religiously sanctioned) like ARYA SAMAJ?? Who will benefit from these extravagant expenses? It is sad truth that the reform movements have come to a standstill with the advent of freedom to us. We need to reform our society today more than ever. Vande Mataram, Adwait.

Posted by: Mr. Adwait Aditam At: 30, Aug 2002 5:08:20 AM IST

hi any bady from kshthiyas

Posted by: Mr. RAGHU RAMA RAJU RAGHU RAMA RAJU At: 12, Aug 2002 11:45:47 AM IST

Yes

Posted by: Mr. Krishna Surisetty At: 10, Aug 2002 1:55:28 AM IST

hey ... if the gal is equally qualified as the guy then there is no question of looking for a guy who is a bit upper side..dont take old points..its all once upon a time..now u cant say the same old things to support dowry man

Posted by: Mr. Hanuma Kumar Oleti At: 2, Aug 2002 2:21:13 PM IST

mr Vikram ji... why r u thinking that only parents of guy r spending money for education. these days girls parents also spending a lot for their education. i too agree that dowry is a sin

Posted by: Mr. Hanuma Kumar Oleti At: 2, Aug 2002 0:35:10 AM IST

Ms jyothy, I dont know abt the financial independence and dont wanna comment on it.But what I wanted to hint was that a lot of girls(if not all) get the eligibility to work in US only cos of their marriage and a few of them sneak into the company their husbands work for.Guess no self conscious girl can deny that. And guys parents get into debts to bring us here.For a moment try to think neutrally.Isnt that a debt and wouldnt it take a long time to pay them off. Just like girls parents and the girl see for a good earning guy, the guys parents and the guy see for how much the girl has.Whats wrong with it either.Neither of them are wrong. If we lose our self dignity and wife's respect cos we take dowry the girl will lose all those things the moment she or her parents ask what the guy is doing or how much he is earning."AA vooriki ee vooru entha dooramo,ee vooriki aa vooru kooda anthe dooram." I am not asking anybody to go corrupt to marry off their daughters.When you cant pay so much why dont you marry some guy who earns some Rs 5-10000 in India.No you wouldnt.You want somebody who matches ur specifications and you ask us not to have any specifications other than the girl's character.Stupid.If you want anything, you will have to be eligible to get that. Character for character and cash for cash. If you want your daughter to be happy you have to go through somethings.You dont get anything for nothing. My parents have gone through a few things to make me and my life happy. There is a saying in telugu "Entha chettu ki antha gali".If you cant get what you want by fair means take what you get.After all life is a compromise.You dont have to be corrupt. If you cant make a compromise go to hell.

Posted by: Mr. Vikram Ekollu At: 28, Jul 2002 1:29:43 AM IST

Well said jyothi garu.I felt u read my mind. thnx for the same.

Posted by: Mrs. jaya k At: 27, Jul 2002 11:25:58 AM IST

Friends, All said and done, I feel happy to see majority agreeing that DOWRY IS A SIN. I wanted add these points of conclusion: * YES.Girls parents see for a good earning guy who can keep their daughters happy.WHAT on earth is wrong with that?I am sure we all say 20-30 years from now will face the responsibility of marrying our daughters.Now hoping that generation of girls will still want to marry parents choice,won't we look for a stable,eligible guy with good income? So my point is when girls look for a good income guy that is very reasonable. On the contrary,the argument that Because girls are getting an eligible bachelor, HER parents have to PAY IN LAKHS apart from bearing all the WEDDING charges and THE HELL the BOYS PARTY OFTEN PUTS THEM THROUGH is VERY VERY WRONG AND NASTY. TODAY THE RATE OF AN AVG AP GUY IS 9-10 LACS. AND the rates like 20lacs - 90 lacs are not uncommon. 2) where can a man get that kind of Money to marry off his daughter :SOurces are A) A father puts his life long inverstment into marrying his daughter and that is never enough to match the DOWRY RATES so additionally he would end up in B)DEBT to keep him slogging for another 10-15 years OR c) CORRUPTION. After effects of DOWRY: Can a girl lead a really content life and have respect for her In-Laws and Husband Knowing the FINANCIAL CRISIS her father is facing? NO- beacuse their conscience will not allow them to! SO what have you acheived with the Dowry - A Happy wife -NO! Wife's Respect -NO! Self DIgnity -NO! and the list could go on. Finally "Coming to employment of a girl.Most of the girls in USA(atleast in my knowledge) found jobs only after marrying some green card holder or after immigrating here on a H4 visa.What does that say??" Mr Vikram -WHat are you trying to convey with that sentence? So WHAT IF GIRLS GET JOBS AFTER MARRYING? WHO ARE THEY EARNING FOR?for their Parents ,brothers and sisters?NO. Sadly how many working girls have financial Independence even if they are earning? After all, that money which they earn after marriage is for their family and I don't see anything wrong with it. If you wanted to convey that Men are Superior then Look at the No of Girls/Students who are making on their own hardwork to US emerging out of the shells of TABOO AND CLOSMINDEDNESS in INdia about letting GIrls go to a foreign land on their own. thanks

Posted by: Mrs. jo Jyothy At: 26, Jul 2002 9:39:37 PM IST

Mr Arun, It may look like money mindedness.May be it is.But try to be honest and tell me who on earth is not money minded.Every bone is. Few gentlemen agree they are and the other hypocrats say they are not. Yes girls are supposed to get their share of property.But how many girls actually get that. Being eligible to have it is different from actually having it.The share they get is can also be considered as dowry and vice-versa.In that case the very word dowry isnt wrong at all. Let me tell.The credit for what I am now doesn't belong only to my parents.It also belongs partly to me. They are lot of good parents whose children are good for nothing and lot of people who are successful but dont have parents at all. Please don sound cinematic.You have to give the credit where it is due.So both my parents and me should be given credit for where I stand now.Once again this is to make sure I am not taking away any credit from my parents. Coming to employment of a girl.Most of the girls in USA(atleast in my knowledge) found jobs only after marrying some green card holder or after immigrating here on a H4 visa.What does that say??

Posted by: Mr. Vikram Ekollu At: 22, Jul 2002 10:57:02 PM IST

I feel Vikram garu is a perfect Business man and very much mony minded. But I don't agree the reasons he has mentioned.The other way .. If the girls parents have any "Aastulu" the girl is equally elgible to take her own Equal share from the parents.but again we cannot not call it a dowry.If you say that .. "worked 23 years to get..".. the credit goes to your parents who made you to reach that poistion. and then for how much will you bargain for that help done by your parents??Can you ever pay it off back to your parents?? In your case .. you are just feeling that you are only employed and the girl is not.. as if she is coming to your place to sit and eat.. all free of cost.. I feel you have written this article just for fun!

Posted by: Mr. Arun Vedula At: 22, Jul 2002 6:19:16 PM IST

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