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All, Criticising someone is easy. You can find lot many points. Pls. remember, we are not enimies - these are all for the argument sake. Let the arguments be healthy and let your arguments make think others. Pls. be constructive in thinking.

Posted by: Site Administrator At: 12, Jul 2002 5:32:41 AM IST

P.S. All this is just what I think. I am not gonna get any dowry. I am gonna marry my girl friend. But If I were to marry a stranger (which is not the case anyway) I would definitely take some dowry. After all I have worked 23 years to get to where I am now. A stranger cant enjoy my hard work for nothing. Whoever it is has to win it one way or other. By heart or by cash. And she has to prove it to me before marriage. I can't wait for it to happen after marriage. My girl proved it by heart. So I dont need any cash to marry her. Dear Mr.Vikram "garu", You got to get even more matured than this! I understand that you are working on your Ph.D at USC. Take it easy ok! Answer these questions to your self: 1. You will get married after few years right? Letz say after 10 yrs, you think that you made a mistake by marrying this female (I pray to God this wont happen). Will you go back and take dowry? I mean it doesnt sound logical right? 2. Letz assume that you dont have a gf on the first place, what do you mean by stranger? Every body in this world are strangers, your parents are strangers to you right? They came to this earth more than 25 yrs before you came right? who else, your sister, brother, uncle, aunt? If you think in this logic, believe me, every body are strangers. 3. Who are you? You enjoyed the hardwork of your parents right? Do you measure this with money? Honestly tell me, is it Ok for your parents to ask money for your education, for your food, dress, housing? You take those for granted right? 4. Letz assume that you dont have a gf, why do you want to go and marry a stranger and lead the rest of your 50 yrs with her? Dont marry her! If you dont want to marry, no female will fall in your feet and say "Oh Vikram, Please marry me! I will die if you dont marry me!" You thought you are some film hero? 5. Haha, your gf have to prove it by cash ? What do you mean? are you sure you want to give this kind of statements? How much money will make you happy? how long can you live with this money? Letz assume that your grandson meet with an accident after say 40 yrs from now and letz assume doctors say either you have to give your heart or some 10 million dollars (that you have saved so far in your life) what will you do? give this "money" or your life? Your family (son, daughter, wife) are saying that "Vikram, you have lived all these yrs, you know that you will only survive for few more yrs, why dont you give your heart, so that this kid can live and we can also enjoy this 10 million dollars" ?? Sounds funny right? THINK! Sasidhar

Posted by: Mr. Sasidhar Gundimeda At: 12, Jul 2002 3:54:11 AM IST

Mr. Vikram, I am ashamed and shocked to learn that even in this generation , young guys like you have such distorted views about marriage. DOWRY is one of the biggest problems India had been facing since centuries and a Crime which many men and women including freedom fighters have strongly condemned and struggled to put an end to!! The fact that a marriage should become business dealing and bargain place for the boys parents as though they were "Animals" in the market is disgusting enough. But the fact that well educated,rationally thinking youth are coming up with twisted logic to support this "legal Crime" is even more frustrating. You expect the girl to pay because she is going to enjoy what you have earned?Such thoughts according to me are the biggest insult to the life partner. You are not seeing her as someone who is entering your life to be your soulmate and lifelong friend sharing your joys and sorrows. "You are expecting that a would be wife should pay for the luxuries a guy will be offering her?" What is this marriage or a business contract? I feel sorry that I ever read your note and May god bless you with good judgement and understanding.

Posted by: Mrs. jo Jyothy At: 12, Jul 2002 2:26:51 AM IST

Guys take it easy ok! Now, Vikram let me tell you one thing for sure - taking/giving dowry is illegal. period.(full stop). You can give so many resonalble or logical arguments - in the end its like taking bribe. You pay money to get your work done - you get money to doing the work. May sound logical, but its illegal. See what is dowry? If you take it in a positive sense it is good. Lets assume a situation. A guy around 25 yrs old, looking to settle in his life (finacially and family wise). Obviously, a male and a female have to unite - animal nature - human beings will follow this - with some expections (bachelors - both females and males - gays and lesibians). Lets not worry about the execptions. Now this dowry money will be helpful for this couple to start a living (if they are yet to start) or help the couples to give a boost in their existing situation. Guys think that they deserve something for all the hard work that they have done sofar. They (guys and their family) think that the girl (and her family) he is marrying should do something for all the hard work that he did so far. Guys think that since they have build a platform for thier life they have done some much work. This is reasonable, not too much to ask. Since married life is a responsiblity for both the couples, he (& family) thinks that She (& family) needs to in a way share this responsiblity. Obviously, She (&family) needs to contribute through money. This theory would sound good to listen. Lets step back a little and think that we are living in a forest - no modern society - no money, no proper housing, no shops, etc etc. In this situation, if a male have to win a female heart (sex being the main motivation) He have to work really hard to win her. Its not easy! Where is money, house, scooter, gold, dowry? Its pure hard work. Male have to work hard to get females attention. But after this hard work and after attracting the female, He can walk away leaving behind her to take care of the children. Now lets fast forward to real world. Humans are more complicated than those animals in forest. Forget Indian people for a second, in the west, there is no dowry - people find it difficult to digest this concept and there are obvious reasons for this. Western world is an advanced jungle (with regards to male - female union). Here both the male and female have to work hard to win each other's attention. Males are attracted to females because they are naturally beautiful, soft, good listners, good motivators and ofcourse males tend to be more towards SEX than females. Other than these, good charactor, etc etc. on the other hand, Females are attracted towords males for one main reason - on the belief that males will provide security for their lives. So in the west, females really work hard to physically stay beautiful and men try to stay physically strong (first thing that human eyes see are physical build up). This being basic, females add extra qualities depending upon males needs (expressed and unexpressed). Males add extra qualities such as financial securities, house, car, job, etc to further demonstrate secured life. what ever I said is the basic foundation on which a male - female relationship is built.(you can argue there are lot more than this - I agree, but these are the basic things). In todays world, man cannot leave a female to take care of the children after having sex as a male can do in the forest. Both of them have the responsibility to take care of the family, with kids being the center of attraction. Now going back to Indian situation. The concept of dowry is based on the ugly human nature - GREED and Fear. Same as the concept of bribe. Guy (& their parents) feel greedy when female's parents offer money. Female's parents are afrid coz if they dont give enough money, they might lose this prospective mate. Let me ask you one simple question. Lets assume that all the females say a big NO to marriage (practically not possible, but lets assume for a second). Do you think males can survie? Honestly each and every male will look forward to have sex with a female and he cannot withstand females saying NO to marrige forever. In Indian culture, no sex - no marriage. (you can give me execptions, I am talking about the norm) Another question, what can dowry get you? lets say the female parents pay 2 lkhs as dowry (I am just guessing, I dont know the amt.) on an average, you need a min. of 10K a mth to live in an Indian city. so in 2 yrs this amt is history. Right? what about the rest of 50 yrs ? who will feed you and your wife? Are you not ashamed to ask someone else for money for the rest of your life? If you cant feed for ur self why do you need a wife? If it is just the sexual desire that a male is looking for, there are lotz of ways you can satisfy this desire. In our society Males and Females are SOLD in the marriage MARKET and the sad part is no one is willing to accept this and infact people (society) feel proud for what they are doing. See selecting a mate is the resposiblity of the individuals. Parents have to realize this. Parents should not deal with this. Let the female select the best male who can provide the security they need and let the male select the best female who can provide the best support he needs! Its a competitive world, let the fittest survie and rest perish.

Posted by: Mr. Sasidhar Gundimeda At: 12, Jul 2002 0:15:27 AM IST

Ms Prashanthi, Try to tread and understand what I said.I wanted to know one thing.When everything else is equal women see the status and stuff of the guy they want to marry,what is it men are supposed to go after?

Posted by: Mr. Vikram Ekollu At: 11, Jul 2002 8:09:21 PM IST

Hello Vikram Garu, Read your article. I wish you read my article, "Dowry" and "Dowry-Debate" in authorsden.com and give feedback. You just expect your wife as simply the person who enjoys your work and labour. So shocking to hear this kind of thinking. A girl can never sit idle. She also do the work. She devotes her entire life for you. You people have the liberty or possibility to live with your parents(Ofcourse if you live in abroad it may be different). Can the girls have that? Girls are grown up and brought up as if they are the queens of their home with their parents. But can this continue even after her marriage? She has to serve their in-laws and husband. Does she feel for it? She gladly accepts the responsibility. You blame girls that they look for a fatty purse. Hold on, Sir. Now a days girls are also earning K's. Let us conduct a survey,(if Prasad sir agrees, from this site itself), whether a girl be satisfied with only fatty purse, big building, a car and a foreign trip. You provide all this to your wife, and you be not with her and you don't spend time with her, let us know how many girls want to marry such a person?Money is not the criteria always. Why should be a predator or a prey to someone else's property,(naturally your father-in-law is someone else. whereas wife is "arthaangi".) Anyway, these are also my views. Anyway Congrats that you are going to marry your loved one. But Sir don't be that much proud. I wish and wonder whether your girl don't quarrel with you about your attitude in this regard?(I am not teasing or kidding, just questioning, sorry if you treat it as a personal question.). with regards, Prasanthi.

Posted by: Ms. Prasanthi Uppalapati At: 11, Jul 2002 6:35:55 PM IST

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