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Please send all mails to my new id .the old profile is lost!

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 13, Jun 2003 1:37:39 PM IST

Raju had taken his wife to a cricket match. She sat through the first innings although plainly bored. In the second innings a batsman gave a tremendous swipe and knocked the ball out of the ground. 'Thank goodness they got rid of it,' she sighed. 'Now we can all go home.'

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 12, May 2003 9:22:17 AM IST

10-dulkar Q. What did 10dulkar say after the India-Australia match ? A. Shaken but not stirred .... Q. What did 10dulkar say after the India-Pakistan match ? A. Massacred but not killed....we're not worried. Luck Q : Why Mhd.kaif wasn't get any chance eventhough having enough potential ? A : Because he is from Luck 'no' w What sort of coach The eager young batsman had just scored yet another duck and was apologising to the captain. 'I think I could do with some advice. What sort of coach would you recommend?' 'A long distance one.' Indian Cricket Team.... Batsman-bowler sat on the ball. Batsman-bowler had a great fall, All the bookies' cookies, All the bribers' men, Couldn't put Indian cricket together again. Man for the job The two rival cricketers were talking. 'The local team wants me to play for them very badly.' 'Well, you're just the man for the job.' Lost ball... The boys were playing cricket in the garden and were using a shiny new ball. 'Where did you get the ball?' asked father. 'We found it.' 'Are you sure it was lost?' 'Of course it was lost. We saw them looking for it.' Cricket job The cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist. Cricketer: 'It's terrible. I can't score runs, I'm a terrible bowler, and I can't hold a catch. What can l do? Doctor: 'Get another job.' Cricketer: 'I can't. I'm playing for India tomorrow ! Wake up! The game was drifting off into total boredom, when a man in the crowd suddenly burst into a round of applause. The man next to him said 'Why did you do that?' 'Sorry' he replied 'I was trying to keep myself awake!' All out... The toothless victim was emerging from the anaesthetic. As he came to his senses, he saw the dentist packing up to go to lord's for the afternoon. 'Not a bad morning's work, eh?' said the dentist, cheekily. 'All out before lunch!' Test match week Boss (to liftman): 'Mr Batt is feeling ill. Would you be so kind as to escort him home?' Liftman: 'Certainly, sir. Anything else?' Boss: 'Yes. As this is Test Match week, deliver him and get a receipt!' Play on street Son:'Can I play cricket with the boys in the street?' Dad:'No. They swear too much.' Son:'But you play with them.' Dad:'I swear already.' Advice to Captain The wicket-keeper had a high opinion of himself and was very free with his advice to the captain. 'You know,' he said, 'You've picked two men who should never be in the side.' 'Oh really,' said the captain icily, 'and who's the other one?' Are you busy A business tycoon was also a keen cricketer. One day he was in his office when he received a call and was asked if he was busy. 'Busy?' he shouted. 'Don't you know that my time is worth ten pounds a minute?' 'Well,' said the captain, 'how about laying a thousand pounds worth of cricket on Sunday?' Don't worry 'I'm very nervous about my first game for this team.' 'Why?' 'Well, they might all be great players.' 'Don't worry. If they were any good, they wouldn't be playing with you!' Old team mates Two old cricketers were talking in the club. 'What was your highest score?' 'A hundred and ten not out.' 'Mine was a hundred and twenty not out'. 'And what was the most number of wickets you took?'. 'Oh, no. This time it's your turn to go first.' Excuse my son Mrs Jones : I'd like my son to be excused playing cricket. I don't think he should mix with that sort of person. Teacher: How d'you mean? Mrs Jones: Well; I distinctly heard him say that the man in the white coat was a vampire! L . B . W In the absence of their regular umpire, the village team was making do with a local farmer, who knew nothing of the rules. After the third ball of the over, the entire field turned round with a tremendous yell of 'Owzat!' The umpire paused. 'Well, how would I know?' he said. 'His leg was in the way !' Not out In a tense game, a batsman was given run out, a decision with which he obviously disagreed. He paced up and down outside the pavilion until the umpires came in.v 'I wasn't out, you know,' he said to the umpire. 'Oh no? Look in the paper tomorrow!' said the umpire. You were bold In a calmer moment, George and his wife were sitting at home. George was as usual reading some bowling averages. 'Do you remember the day you proposed at the cricket match?' said she romantically. 'You were bold.' 'No I wasn't,' muttered George,'I was LBW!' Got a minute The sarcastic bowler was disgusted by several of the umpire's decisions. 'Have you got a minute?' he asked. 'Yes,' said the umpire. 'Well, tell me all you know about cricket.' Your house is on fire During the match, the batsman heard a cry from the crowd 'Smith! Smith! Your house is on fire!' He dropped his bat and ran off the field, through the crowd and into the road. Breathlessly, he pounded along and then stopped. 'Why am I running?' he said. 'My name's not Smith! Tendulkar - Name ? Tendulkar - Tiny, Exciting, Neverending Dynamo Undyingly Labours Keeps A Record Kambli - Killed All Mediocre Bowling, Left Immediately Kapil - Killed Aspiring Pacemen In Land Prasad - Promised Revenge Against Sohail And Delivered More - Mouthing Obscene Rubbish Everywhere Gavaskar - Grafting Away Valiantly, Always Successfully Killed Any Result/ Goes Around Venting Angry Spiel Kicking About Rudely Azhar - At Zenith Had Ambrose Reeling Azharuddin - Almost Zaheer-like His Artistry, Rivetting Umpteen Devoted Doting Indian Nationals Vishy - Vodka Is Sweet, He Yells Bookies Overheard at a 'Cyber-bookie's' house: On the nets, cricketers do batting practice, on the internet, we do betting practice! Highest Score Two old cricketers were talking in the club. 'What was your highest score?' 'A hundred and ten not out.' 'Mine was a hundred and twenty not out'. 'And what was the most number of wickets you took?'. 'Oh, no. This time you go first.' Food in Canteen The food in our school canteen is perfect. If your a bug! An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Our puppy toilet trained on it What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals! Teacher & Student Teacher:Arun tell your father's name in English. Arun:Madam, my father's name is Mr. Butter Red Government. Teacher: Stupid are you making fun with me? Arun: No, Madam You told me to tell my father's name in English and my father's name in Hindi is Makkhan Lal Sarkar. I don't think, I know! Teacher: 'Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?' Nick: 'What do you think it is, Sir?' Teacher: 'I don't think, I KNOW!' Nick: 'I don't think I know either, Sir!' Ladies first Teacher : Correct the sentence, 'A bull and a cow is grazing in the field' Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field Teacher : How ? Student : Ladies first Always say, I am... Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with 'I'. Student: I is... Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say, 'I am...' Student: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' Late again! Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again? Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time. Clean Teacher : RAJU, Make a sentence using the word 'clean' RAJU : Sir, You clean your teeth daily. Homework HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: Of course not. HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework. Teaching Gun A little boy ran home from school on the first day and pestered his mother into taking him into a toy shop. When they got there he insisted that she buy him a gun. 'But why do you need a gun?' asked his mother. 'Because teacher told us she was going to teach us to draw tomorrow.' First Day Mother: How was your first day at school? Boy: OK, but I haven't got my present yet. Mother: What do you mean? Boy: Well, the teacher gave me a chair, and said, 'Sit there for the present.' Swimming Law 'Now don't forget, boys,' the science teacher droned on. 'If it wasn't for water we would never learn to swim. And if we'd never learned to swim, just think how many people would have drowned!' Student on watch 'I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock,' said the principal to a new boy. Student: 'No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at half past three.' Sick Teacher 'Teacher reminds me of the sea,' said Raju to Ramu. 'You mean she's deep, sometimes calm, but occasionally stormy?' 'No! She makes me sick.' Unlucky Two schoolboys were talking about their math lessons. 'Why do you suppose we stop the tables at 12' asked one. 'Oh, don't you know?' said the other. 'I heard Mom say it was unlucky to have 13 at the table.' Music Talk Music Student: Did you really learn to play the violin in six easy lessons? Music Teacher: Yes, but the 500 that followed were pretty difficult. Child & Teacher Teacher to child: How should we add one and one so that they may be more than two? Child: Sir, we should marry them. Some Q's Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ? Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there ! Teacher: If I bought a hundred current buns for a dollar, what would each bun be ? Pupil: Stale ! Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ? Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines ! Teacher: Why are you standing on your head ? Pupil: I'm just turning over things in my mind, sir ! Smart Girl Teacher: Now,Brenda.How many fingers have you? Brenda:Ten. Teacher:Right.Now if you lost four of them in an accident,what would you have? Brenda:No more piano lessons. All in one Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ? Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it ! Teacher: What are you reading ? Pupil: I don't know Teacher: But your reading aloud ? Pupil: But I'm not listening ! Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ? Pupil: Me ! Children Talk A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. The teacher was asking them all questions: 'Davy, what noise does a cow make?' 'It goes moo.' 'Alice, what noise does a cat make?' 'It goes meow.' 'Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?' 'It goes baaa.' 'Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?' v 'Ummm... It goes click!' Maths Joke A math joke Teacher: What's 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good. Pupil: Good?, that's perfect! A math joke Teacher: If 1 1=2 and 2 2=4, what is 4 4? Pupil: That's not fair! A math joke Teacher: How much is half of 8? Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0! One Rupee Teacher: If you had one ruppee and you asked your father for more, how many rupees would you have? Vicky: One rupee. Teacher(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic. Vicky(sadly): You don't know my father. Water... A Teacher asked to write a chemical symbol for water. A Student Wrote in his note book 'HIJKLMNO' Teacher saw that and asked, 'Why are you writing like this?' Student replied, 'Yesterday you only told that chemical symbol of water is 'H to O'(H2O)

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 12, May 2003 9:17:29 AM IST

Ode to saurav ganguly Nagma boli kem chhey kem chhey kem chhey Dada bole eim chhey eim chhey eim chhey runs nahin bante hain matches mein arrey yeh to game chhey game chhey game chhey game chhey Jab ball ko maine dekha aur dekh ke maara shot sneak liya ball ne aur ho gaya main caught last time tha score less than 10 aur is baar bhi same chhey same chhey same chhey same chhey Jab fielding ki thi baari to chhode maine catch mere kaaran hi India ne haare itne match khelta hoon itna ghatiya par mujhko aati nahin shame chhey shame chhey shame chhey shame chhey

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 12, May 2003 9:09:59 AM IST

Names of Cricketers! Kambli - Killed All Mediocre Bowling, Left Immediately Kapil - Killed Aspiring Pacemen In Land Prasad - Promised Revenge Against Sohail And Delivered More - Mouthing Obscene Rubbish Everywhere Gavaskar - Grafting Away Valiantly, Always Successfully Killed Any Result/ Goes Around Venting Angry Spiel Kicking About Rudely Azhar - At Zenith Had Ambrose Reeling Azharuddin - Almost Zaheer-like His Artistry, Rivetting Umpteen Devoted Doting Indian Nationals Vishy - Vodka Is Sweet, He Yells Tendulkar - Tiny, Exciting, Neverending Dynamo Undyingly Labours Keeps A Record Amarnath - After Many A Reincarnation, Now Acknowledged Top Hand Prasanna - Prince Radiant Among Spinners, Astutely Nailed Nimble Attackers Bedi - Beautifully Executed Deliveries Indefinitely Chandra - Cleverly Hides Another Nagging Delivery Really Accurately Shastri - Shall His Achievements Still Truly Remain Interred? Srinath - Simply Ravishing Incutters, Not A Ten-wicket Haul Kumble - Killer Universal, Makes Batsmen Leave Embarassed Sidhu - Shall I Drop Him Unfairly? Mongia - Many Of Nayan's Gatherings Instigate Admiration Raman - Remember, All Madrasis Are Nervous Amol - Another Mumbai-ite Overly Lauded? Muzumdar - Mediocre Underachiever Zealously Undertakes Many Drives And Run-outs PS: Raj r U happy now?? Dont take it seriously..our cricket history is pathetically dismal..try to digest the facts.

Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 12, May 2003 9:08:29 AM IST

one of the most dirty article i have ever read.... i think the person who posted this article might have stopped watching cricket for the past 7 years... and mr. sri or srini who ever you are .. dont try to comment on one of the cricket icons ... its says u r nature... be an indian.... its not good making fun of your own country men... if you really want to try on some other... if its for fun .. is has meant to be for fun.. not to hurt the feelings of some people like .. iam a ardent fan of sachin.... if i had hurt you .. iam sorry .. but dont do it.. thanks raj

Posted by: Mr. rajesh tirukoti At: 12, May 2003 5:48:23 AM IST

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