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Hello Adwait garu, I will try to improve myself. Looking forward to read your comments for my second story. Ofcourse I haven't written yet. May be in a month, I may post it. Hello Swapna garu, Thanks for understanding me. Anyway I will surely try to be good in my second story.

Posted by: Ms. Prasanthi Uppalapati At: 1, Sep 2002 3:31:51 PM IST

Swapna, Yes, I agree I could have been little less harsher. LP never checked spellings, grammer or paid attention to construct of sentences. These are a bare minimum for a beginner or accomplished, the same. I was curt to LP for more than one reason. I want LP to do some introspection upon reading my initial critique and understand the follies of her presentation. LP showed no such thing in her reply and tried to justify how desi girls think and pronounced her as a mouthpiece of girls. You know very well that not all desi girls are that dumb to believe in movies. We all can find evils in our society and its practices, and can complain forever. Alternatively we can suggest the reforms that are needed to counter such evil. I didn’t see any of the above in her work. Did you? LP is no doubt energetic and has vibrant thinking abilities, sadly not channeled. It’s better she moulds her style at the beginning stage and should know how to develop a plot, introduce characters/situations, how to use sentences precisely and yet sending the message and finally to bring the desired argument to the fore front, else we will be left with one more crappy writer. I am not expecting her to be on par with legendary writers, I only mentioned them so that she can learn more techniques by reading those authors (and many more I didn’t mention). If she is not interested in improving it’s her choice. Writers/Poets have affected major changes throughout the history whether in the realm of politics, philosophy or spirituality. Gautama Buddha, Aristotle, Socrates, Chanakya, Machiavelli, Voltaire, Thomas Jefferson, Tolstoi, Tilak, and MK Gandhi were writers, thinkers and leader who brought changes to the then existing social system. It is said that Voltaire single handedly laid the seed to French revolution by his writings, which are credited to be more than 15000 articles? Writing is a very serious business and one has immense social responsibility when imparting one’s thought process through their articles. The degeneration in writing standards in our society definitely has its impact on the socio-political situation prevailing. I hope my criticism (albeit, harsh) provides enough impetus to LP to be a good writer.

Posted by: Mr. Adwait Aditam At: 1, Sep 2002 4:11:58 AM IST

LP, I hate to do this again, but you have dragged me by means of your reply. What is your basic premise for the story? Do you still remember or lost in your own verbiage, like rest of your readers. If not, it is about the shame of being the central piece of Marriage Looks (very silly translation, to say the least). You could have spent some time and energy in coming up with a better translation than the literal translation used. It is the pride of Sriya to be paraded in front of the groom's family has been the central point. You abandoned it right after you have mentioned, like the promises of politicians (see that's an analogy). What Snigdha did was nothing short of betrayel. She could be a matchmaker, but she didn't do justice to her *close* friend by never discussing the likes/dislikes and other character traits of the groom. She bestowed it upon herself to decide what is good and bad for her friend. But alas, you seem to vehemently oppose the very same decision making behavior in Sriya’s parents. How come is it justified for a friend to take decision on her behalf and deplorable on the part of parents, is beyond my comprehension. What you set out to explore, explain and condemn has been completely compromised and condoned by her friend, by making her go through the process of pelli chupulu. Neither did /could you successfully exploit the negativity of such situation(s). It was diluted with inane and asinine training imparted to the hapless girl to exit the situation. In fact Snigdha has ensured that her friend is made to attend the so called "evil" activity, where no evil seems to have taken place. Regarding the reference to hero's, God only save if gulti girls (or Indian girls) think the heroes of various stupid movies you seem to patronize and eloquently quote seem to be the only fountainhead of knowledge. It’s more of an insult to their intellectuality. Are we so bankrupt in ideas that we have to quote movie heroes and specific scenes to elucidate a point? Don’t we have ample examples other than movies to convey the strength of character of a person. Please don't transcribe your silly thinking to all desi girls. I am confident they are lot better than that. What is the talk about suspense? What you did was just makeup some irrational crap related to Internet friendship. Snigdha never considered Sriya's opinions and took it upon herself to get her married with her so called internet friend. What is the veracity of one's claims in those friendly chat sessions ? That's the excat reason why I had to call your treatment of subject as JUVENILE. By replying in detail you have proved it again and I stand by that. You may find someone playing second fiddle to you, but believe me either they are dishonest (god knows for what reasons) or they have IQ that doesn't reach double digits. Finally what is the message? What is the social evil your character fought and brought change in parent’s attitude? Your character ends up marrying a stranger with the complete control of her parents, the fundamental issue you seem to be opposed to. SideBar: Did you propose any better alternative than pelli-chupulu for potential bride/grooms to meet in our society Not all arranged marriages are bad, neither the pelli-chupuulu are denigrating to wannabe-brides. Don't you know that these have become lot more civil and courteous than previous generations? I am not supporting them, I am only eliciting the point that they are not all the degrading or demeaning as you seem to have stated through Sriya. Second Advice: To develop suspense and to build tempo, read Arthur Conan Dyle and Perry Mason. Read Shakespeare to develop interplay between characters and how to optimize their words and develop plots. For gaining control over language and powerful depiction read Rajaji and Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan. To write motivational speeches read Mao’s works, Abraham Lincoln’s and JFK’s speeches. If you want to bring humility to characters in the grand play read more of M.K. Gandhi, Jefferson and Sophocles. For sarcasm, read Voltaire. Want to develop characters watch Bapu movies. Third Advice: Just stop writing for a while and read ten times what you write, and read it again and be thrifty with words as you would be with borrowed money. I have noticed you have authored many articles (and I am sane enough and spared myself from reading after this short story). Being prolific without substance produces obtuse work. Cheers, Adwait

Posted by: Mr. Adwait Aditam At: 31, Aug 2002 2:32:31 PM IST

Hello Adwait garu, Thanks for the good and healthy criticism. I agree with you in many points. I am neither serious nor playful in regard to storywriting. I just want to express my views through the characters. I wish I could follow your suggestions. I want to express the actual feelings of girls,(ofcourse I can't generalise it to everyone, atleast the circle and people I know). Is it not true that girls often very much impressed by the way the hero character behaves? Too many characters. It is a false accusation. 1. Snigdha 2. Sriya are the main characters. I haven't given any name even to the Sriya's husband. Since we need to introduce the background of the characters, I mentioned about the family members.(4 - Snigdha's family and 2- Sriya's mother only). Priya is one more character.(I agree even if she is not there, the story can go. But to maintain some sort of suspense and thinking in readers, I introduced that character. This is not a Suspense Thriller but I wished to create some curiosity about the situation). The names which I mention as an example (Kavitha's episode) are not characters. But just I mentioned them as a reference. This is not unnecessary because I want to show the otherside of the coin, that "Only one" match and it is fixed. "Story lacks theme". I don't agree to this statement also. If one can understand how a girl feels if she has to sit before some unknown people, one can understand, how good the theme is. If parents views can be changed and if they understand, we do not have any "Marriage Looks" like arrangement. The pity is no one ever understand. I should know the difference of what makes a story and what makes a screenplay. I agree. Jotting down the ideas is not a story. In my view, no story can take shape without the ideas and personal beliefs of the writer. I may not master the art and as you said Juvenile but expressing the ideas is not a fault one. Anyway Thank you for taking time to explain my drawbacks and also for the suggestions too. with regards, Prasanthi. gudiyaji@myguruonline.net

Posted by: Ms. Prasanthi Uppalapati At: 31, Aug 2002 9:46:15 AM IST

JUNK is too good a word to describe your story. I read some of your poetry and it sucks, I mean it and that’s a euphemism (if you have to look into dictionary for the meaning - writing English prose is not for you). Your literary talents are rather juvenile. I hope this is not your chosen career. If so, please desist from this path and chose something which doesn't involve writing *ANYTHING*. If this is your hobby, I suggest you change that to collecting stamps, or matches (less harmful to others). Pointers: Your story lacks a good theme, and internet surprise is not close to mystery, as you seem to intend. Your story is plagued with continuity problems and you often repeat the same idea again and again. The way you make your point by referring to movie scenes exhibits lack of creativity and too cliché. Know the difference between story writing to screen play and please don't fuse them together. It sucks, sucks big time. Don't bring too many characters and names into picture unless you have use for them. If you are still interested in writing, please do read some good writers for at least for one year. Plan on enrolling in some writing classes. Literature is a serious stuff. One should either have talent or should be willing to work hard and read good writers and inculcate some style and be precise. If you are not willing to do the above, you will be a menace to the language you choose to write. Jotting down opinions is not writing. Cheers, Adwait

Posted by: Mr. Adwait Aditam At: 31, Aug 2002 7:16:55 AM IST

Hello All, Thank you for your encouraging words. This give me much inspiration. I have lot of thoughts. My next story is about "Daughter-in-law" and how male feels about their fiance. I wish you all read and encourage it. I agree my grammar is not good in english. I will improve. "Pelli" ,"Pelli choopulu" ilaanti padaalu vaste, mundu konchem sepu suspense undadani alaa vraasaanu. Konchem kalpitam,konchem nijam ee katha.

Posted by: Ms. Prasanthi Uppalapati At: 25, Aug 2002 11:57:40 PM IST

hi prashanthi , ur "name this story" is simply superb.very sweet story.chala chakkaga raasaru.chaduvutunte kallaku kattinatle anipistundi.idi meeru create chesi raasara leka,ur real life experience aa?naaku ela anipistundante like ,u r snigdha and sriya is ur friend.real life lo meeru face chesina incident la chakka kallaku kattinatluga chepparu.expecting more from u like this.good.keep it up.my wishes and encouragement will be there for u always. a ammayaina korukunedi atuvanti ardham chesukuni,care teesukune ,friendly type husband ne.kaani atuvanti vallu enta mandi vuntaru.chala rare . in my view i want to name this story as "friend chesina pelli". bye

Posted by: Mrs. Sree At: 25, Aug 2002 10:41:41 PM IST

First off - way too long for a short story. Second - don't try to literally translate Telugu phrases into English, it just dosen't cut it. Finally -your Telugu stuff is good, for the English articles though, you really need to get them edited.

Posted by: darinapoyye danayya At: 22, Aug 2002 9:03:43 PM IST

I think it is a very sweet story:):):) A really good one. Keep writing more of these. I think the name could be sweetly arranged love story

Posted by: Miss Madhavi Madhavi At: 22, Aug 2002 11:22:51 AM IST

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