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Two snakes There were two snakes, Fred and Bob. One day, Fred says to Bob, 'Are we poisonous?' Bob: 'Hmm...I don't think so.' Fred: 'Whew! That's a relief. I just bit my tongue.' Get the picture? A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, 'Let's go!' The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. 'Fly over the north side of the fire,' said the photographer, 'and make several low-level passes.' 'Why?' asked the nervous pilot. 'Because I'm going to take pictures!' yelled the photographer. 'I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures.' After a long pause, the 'pilot' replied: 'You mean, you're not my instructor?' Marsupial mystery A Koala Bear enters a very fine New York City restaurant. After consuming an excellent meal, the bear calls the waiter to the table, pulls out a gun, shoots him between the eyes and leaves the establishment. The police are called to investigate. One of the cops interviews the restaurant manager and remarks that this is a very strange case. The manager says, 'Well actually, it's quite common in some parts of the world.' He then flips open a dictionary and points to an entry: 'KOALA (noun) Small furry marsupial, native to Australia. Eats shoots and leaves.' The Vet A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead. 'Are you sure?', the distraught woman asked. 'He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?' The vet paused for a moment and said, 'There is one more thing we can do.' He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage. 'Well, that confirms it.' the vet announced. 'Your dog is dead.' Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possible could, the woman sighed, 'How much do I owe you?' 'That will be $330.' the vet replied. 'I don't believe it!!!', screamed the woman. 'What did you do that cost $330??' 'Well,' the vet replied, 'it's $30.00 for the office visit and $300.00 for the cat scan.'

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