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Articles: Humour | Computer terms for the layman
- Mr. mpvramana
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This is collected from the web and I' am not sure if this is published already.
Computer terms for the Lay Man
APPLICATION What girls do to their faces when they 'Make up'.
BIT A word used to describe computers, as in 'Our son's
computer cost quite a bit.'
BYTE What the insects/flies do.
BOOT What your friends give you because you spend too much time
bragging about your computer skills.
BROWSER RAM (refer below) that grazes on your beautiful garden when the
gates are left open.
BUG What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny
computer screen for more than 15 minutes.
(or) Also what spammers do to you after
they get your name on their mailing list.
C++ Superior grade in skool
CHIPS The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to
avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
COBOL Guys and gals playing softball together at school
COPY What you have to do during school tests because you spend
too much time at the computer and not enough studying.
CURSOR What you turn into when you can't get your computer to
perform, as in 'You $#% computer!'
DIGITAL The art of counting on your fingers (remember digit is a finger/toe)
DISK What slips out in your back after bending over a computer
keyboard for seven hours.
DISKETTE Female disco dancer
DISK CRASH A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
DOS Opposite of don'ts
DUMP The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you
get a new computer.
ENTER Come on in..................
ERROR What you made the first time you walked into a computer
showroom to 'just look.'
EXPANSION The new room you have to build on to your home to house
UNIT your computer and all its peripherals.
FILE What your secretary can now do to her nails six and a half
hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work in
30 minutes.
FLOPPY The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due
to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see chips).
(or) The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
HARDWARE Tools, such as lawn mowers, rakes and other heavy
equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting
your computer.
HARD DRIVE The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error (see below).
IBM (Intentional Ballistic Missile).The kind of missile your family
members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you'll
pay attention to them again.
KEYBOARD The Piano
(or) Where ya hang your keys.
(or) The standard way to generate computer errors.
Lap Top Where little kids feel comfy.
Mail Server Male waitress, damn few in here (see server below)
MAIN FRAME What holds the house up, structurally and hopefully.
MAC Your favorite fast food outlet (Donalds).
MENU What you'll never see again after buying a computer
because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
MICROCHIP Whats left in the munching bag when the chips are gone.
MICROSECOND The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete
(see below).
MICROSOFT WORD Whisper
MODEM What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall (Mow them)
MONITOR Often thought to be a word associated with computers,
this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who
always want to see your hall pass at school.
NETWORK ESPN, FOX, NBC, HBO etc.
NEWSGROUP Wives gossipping.
OBSOLETE Any computer you own.
PROMPT What the mail IS NOT.
PROGRAMS Those things you used to look at on your television before
you hooked your computer up to it.
PROGRAMMER The guy with the TV remote.
RETURN What lots of people do with their computers after only
a week and a half.
RAID What the Cops do when they are least expected.
RAM Male sheep
REAL TIME Awake and not dreaming
ROM Where the pope lives
Screen Saver Repair kit for the torn window screen
Search Engine What you do when the car dies
Server Waitress
STATE-OF Any computer you can't afford.
-THE-ART
SYNTAX ERROR Walking into a computer store and saying... 'Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.'
TERMINAL A place where you can find buses, trains and really good
deals on hot computers.
Upgrade Steep hill.
When teacher changes your grade from an 'F' to a 'D'
User The neighbor who keeps borrowing things and never repays.
Web What a spider makes on your room after u bought a computer.
Web site High corners of the ceiling/roof
(or) Where spiders catch flies.
WINDOW What you throw the computer out of, after you accidentally
erase a program that took you three days to set up.
WORM What you put on a fish hook
486 The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
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