Short Stories, Novels, Literature, Poetry, Essays, Articles, Experiences, Interviews, Columns and more at TeluguPeople.com

Page: 1 of 1

I opened the door of my house slowly. I was welcomed by a gradual increasing sound of a long and continuous wail from inside. My hands shivered as though they were about to touch a hot steaming iron! My mind for a moment went numb as though the world around had dealt a colossal blow! My heart pumped in more blood in my body though I was not running for life! And the life came still, when I saw Yollen on her knees with her hands palm-down on her thighs, head down, hair loosened as though she had been peeping through some unknown hole in the floor for some unknown hell down below. She was bawling at her top voice with a pitch that was least mellifluent. I approached her slowly walking with my feet trembling. A bright streak of sunshine was making an obscure shadow of my body on the distant wall. My mind was looking around in search of feelings and the words that could be used in describing them. I extended my right forehand towards her shoulder and before I thought I could make any contact she lifted her head as though she had decided suddenly something that she herself was not sure of! She looked at me intently as though she was transferring some powerful expressions from her heart to mine. I stood prop less for an unknown amount of time. I finally said, “I am no more! Sorry!' She replied with crumpled folds around her red nose and burning eyes as though she had just started a fresh wave of weeping. Floods of tears silently rolled out on to the floor between our feet. Persons might be old but their connections acquire a new hue as they go along and thus are ever fresh. I met Yollen when I was nine years old. Around ten in the night, cuddled in one corner of the bed, with a pillow wetted by tears in my eyes, I was looking at the dim blue bed-light that reflected the light through a dark black small square on the bed cover. It seemed as asking, “Why are you crying?' I could not answer, as I did not care to take the words inside. I was looking for some unknown object around me to look, just to rest my eyes on. The darkness around was encouraging me to consider myself as part of it. Yollen approached me silently and rested comfortably on the other half of the bed. I could feel her warm touch on my bare arms. I turned around to look at her. Her face was bright with thin cheek lines and shining eyes. A glimmer of light cut down into her black eyes and I could see a powerful shine in that. Her hair was loosened like a natural extension of the nerves in her brain. Words silently were put from me to her, “Who... who.. are.. are.. you?' She smiled as though she was long expecting that question from me. Her smile was like an image of a rainbow in a mirror of her face. I was so mesmerized with her face that I stayed looking at her charming face. She, sweetly and slowly, said. “I am yourself, my dear! I cannot exist without an existence of your soul! I am a creation of the anti-feelings that you have in you now, that you wanted to see and feel. You wanted to communicate with some one, and for that to happen you need two ends, one end is your mind, other is I! You cannot escape from me, and I from you, because this entente was long planned aeons ago. We have met because we are destined to meet, and the destiny is the creation of me!' I could not understand her words in their entirety but could deeply understand that she could not hurt me and thus I could be safe with her. Life is a series of entities of time that would just flow into a limitless horizon carrying with it a sense of feelings and experiences. I am a carrier of it and it uses me as a channel to its destination that is unknown to its channel itself! Minutes passed, days killed, years gone...I would quite often meet Yollen when I was in my living room, when I sit apparently lonely in the garden, when I talk to the Nature, when I see some one struggling to fight with life, when I find myself in the maze of my own activities. Every time I meet her, I would rest my head in her lap, allow my blood flow from my heart through my eyes while she slowly caresses my body and be with me as long as I wished. Unknown amount of time might have flowed into the channels of past when we were together. She would talk few words and the words were sharp and succinct enough to etch deep into my psyche! One day I took a stroll with her when the roads were near empty and looked as though they were the surfaces on which not bodies but their feelings move. The buildings stood tall on the either side like the stops for the recouping the lost energies and resting places for collective emotional complexities. I showed Yollen a young emaciated calf limping its way slowly on the divider of the road. The poor creature was taking steps with such heaviness as that in a failed heart. I asked Yollen, “See that poor creature. Why does God give calamities to the unbearable?” Yollen replied, “God only gives you what you can bear! And the limits of what one can tolerate differ from person to person, animal to animal and creature to creature.” “Then, should this calf be left to its destiny like this? Can’t anyone help it?” “Such is the discrepancy in the Nature that one should deserve another’s help.” I was silently thinking on her words that evening while she maintained a continued gaze on me. Yollen had always been with me so much that I could not remember the moments that she was not with me. Such is the intimacy of the feelings that I would not feel the world in her presence. Came and went the time; started and ended the seasons; rose and set the Sun, but Yollen always remained with me as though she had been ever young with that gleaming eyes and a sharing mind. I would not comprehend the meaning of loneliness since she was always present with me. When I was emotionally down one day, when the entire world around me seemed to divide me into innumerable pieces, I locked myself into a deep thick shell of mine. I would not allow anyone to touch that shell of mine and the shell would not be broken by any one else except its creator. It had no doors, no windows or any other apertures for any one else to peep into. It was the sole creation of mine with stones of my silence, walls of my intense thoughts and layers of serious introspection. Nonetheless, Yollen suddenly could make her way into my own shell! I shouted at her, “How on this shell could you make an entry? It is mine and no one else.” She replied with a coy smile, “I have no form. I have no body. I have no limits. Reasoning cannot touch me and so does your limited mind. No one can stop this ever-turning wheel of destiny that is created by me. You are but a part of that whole and not the whole. The world needs the creators of the shells like this, but not the shells; for, these shells would add to the disorder of the cosmos and thus would never be the liking of the God. You think you are trapped in this shell cutting down all the communication with the outside world. But then how do you make yourself cut-off from a world that is inside you? Don’t you see that world of yours that is slow in its working compared to its outer counterpart? Don’t you see the world inside you that is so simple in its awesome complexity? Don’t you see the world here with you that is incomplete without any connection with the outside entities? You think your own world is too complex to live. But anything seemingly simple should be obviously complex inside. No one until now could live only with this inside world. Because it simply cannot exist in vacuum. If you make yourself close to your inner world then it does mean that you acknowledge its presence, which is absolutely essential for its existence. If you think that you cannot face the realities of the outside world, then it is preposterous. For, then only you can appreciate the value of your inner world more. Do you think that darkness simply exists because it should exist as per the laws of nature? No, it exists to elevate the importance of the light. Do you think that bad things simply exist because they should exist as per the moral laws? No, they exist to make you appreciate the good things. The particle and its anti form should co-exist so that the Universe would stay in harmony. And this does not mean that you should take an abominable attitude towards one for the other. You might switch the minds between them but ultimately you should learn that you should live midway between them. This is the perspective that you need to ingrain in your mind.” That was the time I decided to break the shell and never did I have a chance to break it again. Once I asked Yollen,'Why do I always feel disgruntled whenever I think with my heart and feel with my mind rather than think with my mind and feel with heart?' She simply replied, “Because you just feel more and think less!' That crisp combination of words made me think again on the meaning of life. The moments of loneliness, matters of deprivation and minutes of vapidity were sprinkled in this life as though they were natural ingredients of that. Yollen once said, “It all lies in your state of mind!' My state of mind had been the same over its period of existence, and I wish it would be the same for ever; for, that was the state that made me, defined me and created me; that was the state that would take my form into a limitless disposition of self-brooding; that was the state that makes me what I have been'. Then Ani entered into my system of life. With her I shared my evening glories and morning glooms; I pained her pictures in every possible horizon in that sky; the world around me looked as though it had been created for me! When the rains did not occur, my heart was filled with showers of her smiles; when the flowers did not bloom, my dreams were filled with gardens of all hues; when my breathe stopped, my mind took the airs that touched her. Such were the wonderful and joyous moments that I could see her everywhere with everything. I could not expect more from this world without her very presence. I was completely ignorant of Yollen since I was knowing that she would not be there for me in some one else’ presence. I knew Yollen would come for me any moment and at any time; for the things that always are with us, less we do care, and their real value materializes when they indeed make a journey away from us. Occasionally, Yollen would enter my room with least sounds and ask me, “Are you happy?” I would simply respond her with a smile. She too would feel contented and leave me in my world so that Ani and I think, feel and laugh together with elation and least care towards the entire world. Catastrophes happen when they are least expected. Even when they are expected they would happen in an intensity that was never expected. And thus my world with Ani was crushed to the ashes of unknown intimacies. That world of my love was destroyed with one stroke of abundant complexity of unbounded sacrifices. That world of my own which was shared so diligently with Ani was suddenly flattened with the hammers of societal vengeance. And my Ani remained a poor spectator for this entire trauma that descended on me. She could not respond to the vagaries of the Fate as she was nescient to her own Fate! All happened apparently in no time that my heart which otherwise tolerated the resilience in the most toughest blows broke like the glaciers under the own warm shine of the Sun. Again Yollen called me when I was walking down the street with my head down. She said, “Toughest things happen in love; that is the reason why love is so tough! You have seen the brightest and darkest sides of being in love. It does not mean that love is the culprit. It means that the combination of feelings that you had being in love increased the complexity around you under which your own worldly love crashed. Then love is not the loser, being in love is not the poorest thing in the world, and crashing of your own world is not the worst thing happened in your Universe. Why then are you sauntering with your head down as though you take the remnants of your world on your head? Why then are your hands back as though you were defending yourself from the weapons of the world that long ceased exiting for you? Why then is your heart beating as though it just now remembered it should work after a coma for an unknown time?” I looked at her eyes searching for some words and replied, “My head is down because that is the way I am trying to smother the flow of my tears back into the oceans of my heart; my hands are back as they have become powerless against the unsolicited volley of the ammunition in the world; my heart is not beating but struggling to fight against the feelings for her!” Yollen walked with me for the rest of the distance without any word, silently, with her hand in mine and her head on my shoulders since ever from acquaintance with her, she has been the lone source of solace. Once I returned home after a tiring day at the office that simply serves as the place for a non-opportune existence without experiencing my real self. I could see Yollen sitting in a chair in the stark darkness as though lights of life lost their life around her and she was thinking of ways to put back life into them. I asked her, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” I could listen to her breath that looked replying me, “Absence of light is not tantamount to the presence of darkness.” I switched on the lights and I could see Yollen’s eyes glowing red as though she had been crying for an unknown time. I asked her, “Why are your eyes burning red?” “I can not imaging a world without you…I just…just had a prophecy….Please….promise…that you ever would keep me in your mind….I…I…don’t know what the future has in store for me. I can not imagine the things in my mind…it is going to think in its own way…” I just cupped her lips with my palms, and remained with her for that evening. Often I would see Yollen with me with a white large ball in her hands bumping it on the ground. I asked her once why she would prefer playing with it. She replied that the sphere is the most stable shape in this creation and thus she would love to make anything stable and she would love stability. Aghast with her reasoning, I started sharing my reasons too with her. Sometimes I would not find her in my home. The curtains would hang empty against the vacant air; the chairs remain void with her absence; the walls look bare with no images of her. I then would take a stroll on the street in search of her with full of thoughts about her. In vain, I would come back home hoping that she would be there from nowhere. But then I could only see the same curtains hanging emptily, the same vacant chairs and the same bare walls without any collages. Then suddenly Yollen comes with a striking cry that would be audible to the remotest parts of my heart. I would then ask her where she had been all the time throwing me into the darkest realms of the world. She would simply say, “To make you know that the world has its own darkest realms!” And, now, that Yollen, who loved me all through my life, who yearned for my very presence with such awe, who owns my real self was wailing at my demise…She would not have had a more worse moment than this…I felt that I did a mistake by making myself dearer to death. I cannot live more with so much pain in my heart without her…Nevertheless, I cannot take her with me since I don’t know whether immortality could touch her. I tried to console her with my silent words floating silently in air, with my hand that could not touch her since my body ceased to exist long back. I even cannot feel for her as my heart lost its way in the course of the hoary past…I could see her wailing loudly, naturally, without any provocation. Still I want to be with her taking her pain.

Syrette alfol oversprinkling. Chibouque whoopee demulsification crystallometry retentive porbeagle trireme stokehold bituminize nonvoid.

Be first to comment on this Article!

Page: 1 of 1