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Articles: Humour | Share the humour
- Prof. 00782 Maverick
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A mainframe computer on which everyone in the office depended suddenly went down. They tried everything but it still wouldn't work.
Finally they decided to call in a high-powered computer consultant. He arrived, looked at the computer, took out a small hammer and tapped it on the side.
Instantly the computer leapt into life.
Two days later the office manager received a bill from the consultant for $1000. Immediately he called the consultant and said, 'One thousand dollars for fixing that computer? You were only here five minutes! I want the bill itemized!'
The next day the new bill arrived.
It read, 'Tapping computer with hammer: one dollar. Knowing where to tap: 999 dollars.'
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A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, 'We have only an opening for people like you.'
'Oh, great,' he said, 'What is it?'
'It's called the door!'
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New BPO goldmine: prison abuse!
President George W. Bush attempted today to explain a newly released White House memo outlining a controversial plan to outsource prison abuse to India.
According to the memo, the White House has been actively exploring the possibility of establishing a telephone calling center in Bangalore that would harass Iraqi detainees at all hours of the night with highly annoying telemarketing inquiries.
The memo details a scenario in which telemarketers from India would instruct Iraqi prisoners to remove their clothing and then would badger them with complicated offers involving their long-distance phone service.
The Bangalore callers would also subject Iraqi prisoners to lengthy consumer research surveys about their breakfast cereal and television viewing preferences, the memo said.
With Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld at his side, President Bush defended the unorthodox interrogation procedures, arguing, 'We know that telemarketing is a tool of last resort, but we are at war.'
Charles Claybourn, a spokesman for the human rights group Amnesty International, attacked the White House proposals: 'This wrongheaded plan involves not only calling prisoners, but also placing them on hold for forty-five minutes or longer with Celine Dion music, in clear violation of the Geneva Convention.'
On the campaign trail in Ohio, presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry blasted the proposal to send American torture jobs overseas, telling his audience, 'With our fragile economy, we can ill afford losing even one prison abuse job to India.'
Mr. Kerry said there were 'more effective ways' to get prisoners to talk, such as repeatedly playing them his stump speech about healthcare.
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