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Articles: Humour | Funny Notes!
- Prof. 00782 Maverick
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Lot Of Sins
Once Salman Khan, Shahrukh Khan and Aamir Khan died and all of them went to hell. After a few days Hrithik Roshan went to pay a visit to hell to meet them.
First he went to Salman. He saw that Salman was with a girl with one eye, one leg and no nose. Hrithik was surprised to see this. He asked God, “Why did you punish Salman like this?” God said that he had committed a lot of sins.
Then he went to Aamir. He also had the same kind of girl. Again Hrithik asked the same question and God also gave the same answer back.
In the end he went to Shahrukh and was surprised to see that Shahrukh Khan was with Cindy Crawford. He asked God that why did he gave Cindy to him and God replied, ' Cindy committed a lot of sins.'
Divorce
Miss Cineshri was a none-too-bright young woman who had moved to Bollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn't find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward.
'Miss Cineshri, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the 'other woman' in her husband's life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Khan?'
'Well, yes,' acknowledged Miss Cineshri with a sniff, 'but I couldn't help it.'
'Couldn't help it?' asked the lawyer derisively. 'How's that?'
'Mr. Khan deceived me.'
'Exactly what do you mean?'
'See, when we signed in,' she explained, 'he told the motel clerk I was his wife.'
Jerks
While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
'I'll never understand,' he said to his wife, 'why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.'
His wife replied, 'Why, thank you, dear.'
Humorous Hindi saang
You might have seen the Dev Anand mega hit film 'Guide'.
In the film there is a famous song 'Gaata rahe mera dil...'
In this song, Waheeda Rehman wears a pink saree and throughout the song wears the same dress.
So when we have a trend of heroines changing clothes every sequence, the big question is: Why doesn’t Waheda Rehman change her saree throughout the entire song?
The answer is pretty simple...........Coz in the first stanza of the song, Dev Anand sings: 'Oo mere humrahi, meri bah thamen chalna, badle duniya 'saree' tum na badalna...'
Drunken Fools
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: 'You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building - by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window.' The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The second man says: 'What, are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen.'
First man: 'No it's true let me prove it to you.'
So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The second man tells him: 'You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke.'
First man: 'No, I'll prove it again' and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
Second man: 'Well what the heck, it works, I'll try it.' So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker: 'You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk.'
Barbie
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.
'How much is that Barbie in the window?' he asks the shop assistant.
In a manner she responds, 'Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00.'
The guy asks, 'Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?'
'That's obvious,' the assistant states, 'Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... '
David Beckham
David Beckham walks into a library and says, 'I'll have a big burger and fries, please.'
The librarian replies, 'Sir, this is a library.'
Beckham looks embarrassed and whispers, 'I'll have a big burger and fries.'
Father's Funeral
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, 'Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.'
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. 'Well,' said the other brother, 'you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo.'
Kaun Banega Crorepati
Santa Singh is in the Kaun Banega Crorepati contest. After reaching 13th question:
Amitabh: Apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne ...
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan?
Computer Screen: A) Amitabh Bachchan B) Laloo Prasad Yadav C) Mohd. Azhar D) General Perverz Musharaff
Amitabh: Apka kya jawab hai? (He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A) But Santa is still confused.
Amitabh: Apke pas do life line hai ... (50:50 and phone a friend)
Santa: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh: Not sure... Hmmm ... Ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa: I would like to use 50-50?
Amitabh: Ok computer, 2 galat javabo ko mita de...
Computer: B) Laloo Prasad Yadav. C) Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake but as is said in Bollywood the show must go on. Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last lifeline phone a friend...
Amitabh: Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa: Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga.
Cinderella
Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?'
The Fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish: ‘I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.'
Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Bob, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.
Cinderella said, 'Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother'. The Fairy Godmother replied 'It is the least I can do. What does your heart want for your second wish?'
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: 'I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again'.
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. A long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her.
Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke 'You have one more wish, what shall you have?'
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man'.
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a man, so beautiful the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke, 'Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life.' And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered, 'I bet you regret having me neutered now, don't you?'
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