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Articles: Time Pass | How to Be Annoying At Work
- Prof. 00782 Maverick
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• Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
• Insist that your e-mail address be 'zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com'
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
• Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the e-mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
• Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
• Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
• Come to work in your pajamas.
• Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
• Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
• Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. 'That's a good point Sparky.' 'No, I'm sorry. I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.'
• Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
• Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
• Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.
• Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
• Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
• Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing.
• No matter what anyone asks you, reply 'Okay.'
• Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it 'IN.'
• Plant a hedge around your cubicle.
• Put your headphones on whenever the boss comes into the office. Talk in a loud voice. Remove your headphones when he or she leaves.
• Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
• Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
• Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your daytimer.
• Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
• Hang mistletoe over your desk.
• Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.
• Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
• Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
• Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
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