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Laugh, if you can:)
- Prof. 00782 Maverick

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@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The traffic policeman stopped the car driver for crossing the traffic signal on a red. 'Didn't you see the red light?' Growled the policeman. 'Yes I did', replied the driver, 'But I didn't see you!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. 'What on earth,' she inquired of the artist standing nearby, 'is that?' He smiled condescendingly. 'That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.' 'Well, then,' snapped the little old lady, 'why isn't it?' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Teacher: Raghu! You cannot sleep in my class!! Raghu: I can, if you lower your voice a bit! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@’ Santa Singh at an interview: Question: What is Ford? Santa: Gaddi!!! Question: Good, what is Oxford? Santa: Bailgaddi! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A sardar on a cycle had hits a lady accidently. Lady says:Break nahi maar sakta kya? Sardar: Break ka kya hai, poori cycle hi maar di!!! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Bandar apni ma se bola, 'Ma main kitna badsoorat hoon!' Ma boli, 'Tu to phir bhi theek hai, usko dekh jo yeh padh raha hai!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Khud ko kar buland itna, Ki Himalay ki chotee pe ja pahunchey! Aur wahan Bhagwan tujhse puchhey, Abey gadhe, ab utarega kaise? @@@@@@@@@@@@@ Wife: Tell me the truth! How many girls have you slept with? Husband: Only with you love, with the others I was awake whole night! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Some tourists in the Punjab Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, Santa Singh 'Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?' Santa replied, 'They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.' 'That's an awfully exact number,' says the tourist. 'How do you know their age so precisely?' Santa answered, 'Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, 'What is that shiny object?' The clerk replies, 'That is a thermos flask.' The sardar then asks, 'What does it do?' The clerk responds, 'It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.' The sardar says, 'I'll take it!' The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, 'What is that shiny object with you?' He said, 'It's a thermos flask.' The boss then says, 'What does it do?' He replies, 'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.' The boss said, 'Wow, what do you have in it?' The sardar replies, 'Two cups of coffee and a coke.' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Sardarji was searching for a job but received no calls from India. He did however receive a letter from a foreign company. 'Oye!', he said, 'This is the first time I've applied and Ive got the job... lets celebrate... get the daaru!' 'So how much salary is it sardarji and tell us more about the job!', his friends ask him. 'English main letter aayeaa hai, main tuhanu translate kar ke sunana haaan .. tau suno kya likhya hai..' - You Do not meet - tum to milte hi nahin ho... bahut busy ho! - our requirements - Humhe to bahut zarooorat hai. - no further correspondence - Aage chitthi patri di jarurat nahin hai, jaise bhi ho jaldi se aa jao - will be entertained - Bahut khatir ki jayegi!' Balle! Balle! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Santa Singh says, 'For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Kenya for a safari.' His friend says, 'That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?' Santa says, 'I'm going to go back and get her.' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Santa Singh and wife Jaspinder came upon a wishing well. Santa Singh leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. Santa Singh was stunned for awhile but then smiled and said, 'It really works!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. 'Are you crazy?' yelled the customer, 'with your hand on my steak?' 'What' answers the waiter, 'You want it to fall on the floor again?' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Banta Singh had been standing in the middle of his field for a long time. While passing by Santa Singh asked him what he was doing. Banta replied, 'I heard those who are outstanding in their field are awarded the Nobel prize. So I waiting for mine!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Question: What happened when two sardars were waiting for buses numbered 1 and 2? Answer: When bus number 12 came, they both climbed on! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Santa Singh was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, then he asked that it be turned down because he was too hot, and so it went for about a half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter Banta Singh was very patient. He walked back and forth and never once got angry. Finally, a second customer asked Banta Singh why he didn't throw out the pest. 'Oye! I don't care,' said Banta with a smile. 'We don't even have an air conditioner!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Three Indian soldiers, Jai Reddy (Tamil), Joy Bosu (Bengali), and Santa Singh are captured by Pakistani Army. The Pakistani Corp commander doesnot want to have them as POWs and has decided to execute them. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal. The Reddy asks for a Masala Dosai, which he is served and then taken away. The Bosu requests a Machli Bhath, which he is served and also taken away. Santa requests Sarson ka saag and Makki di roti. The captors are surprised and reply ' Sarson?' 'Yes, Sarson.' 'Arre Sarson to is season mein aati nahin hai!' 'Koi gall nahin. Asee intezaar karanga...' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, 'Uh oh!' The man asked the doctor what the problem was. 'Well,' said the doc, 'you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?' 'No,' replied the man. 'Do you drink to excess?' 'No,' replied the man. 'Do you have a sex life?' 'As a matter of fact, I do!' 'Well, said the doc, 'I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life.' Looking perplexed, the old man asked, 'Which half...the LOOKING or the THINKING?' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The sardarji banged his car into another at a crossing. His was not damaged, but the other car was crushed. 'Call me up and tell me how much the repairs cost. I'll pay the bills, ' he told the other driver and started to pull away. 'What is your phone number?' 'It's in the phone book,' the sardarji called back. 'But what's your name?' 'Oh, that's in the phone book, too.' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A sardarji had a daily routine, going to office in bus and then returning home by it. One day he got late for the bus to return home. He ran after the bus and reached home running and huffing. After reaching his house he told his wife that he had saved Rs.3 by running after the bus and reaching home. Instead of getting an acknowledgementhe got a huge slap from his wife. Sardarji was puzzled? He asked his wife that why did she slap him. Her reply was, 'If you had run after a taxi you could have saved Rs.70 instead of Rs.3!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Santa Singh hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of his index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked him. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' Santa replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?' 'No! No! No! I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the ear before I pulled the trigger.' @@@@@@@@@@@@ An American, a Frenchman and a Sardar were having dinner together with their girlfriends. The American said, 'Pass me the honey, my honey!' While the French said, 'Pass me the sugar my sweety!' Wanting to impress his girlfriend with his own beautiful language the sardar said, 'Pass me the milk, cow!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee receives an urgent cable from Laloo: DEAR PM. BIHARI PEOPLE STARVING. SEND FOOD. The PM cables back: DEAR LALOOJI. REGRET STARVING PEOPLE. HAVE NO SURPLUS FOOD. TIGHTEN BELTS. To which he receives the following reply from Laloo: SEND BELTS. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A man came riding on his bike around a bend on an old dusty village road and saw an old man with a huge white beard and with an a mysterious air on the ground. His head was tilted with his ear on the ground. When he saw the man on the bike he said, 'Three men, large car, four horses'. The man asked in amazement, 'You can tell all of these are approaching just by listening to the ground?' 'No', said the old man, 'They ran over me....' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter with two men ahead of him. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man asked and was handed a ticket. Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'ikk Punjab female dena!' 'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk. 'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Banta Singh saw an exhausted Santa Singh running up to him. 'What happened to you Santaji?' 'There was this nasty big bull in my street that nearly killed me today.' 'Oh really, what happened?' 'I was just walking quietly wearing this red shirt, when the aniimal came charging at me like a locomotive! He almost got me!' 'So, how'd you get away?' 'Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over.' 'That's scary Santaji. If it'd been me, I would probably have shit all over the place.' 'Oye! I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A man sat at the bar totally dejected. The bartender served him his second drink and said, 'What's wrong pal?' 'I'll never understand women.' he said. 'The other night my wife threw me a birthday party. She told me that later on, as her gift to me, I could do with her whatever I wanted.' 'Wow!' said the bartender. 'But why so unhappy? That sounds like quite a gift to me.' 'Well, ' the man went on, 'I thought about it and sent her home to her Mother. Now she won't even speak to me.' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Little Santa Singh farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class but he can't stop laughing. The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing and he says, 'Little Santa what are you doing sitting here laughing?' Little Santa says, 'I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.' The principle says, 'Well then why are you laughing?' Little Santa says, 'Cause the dumb idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart and here I am outside in this beautiful weather.' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ In the future India is hosting the Olympics finally. The Prime Minister is a Santa Singh and started a speech at the opening ceremonies. He began as follows: 'Oh....' 'Ooooo....' 'Oh....' 'Ooo....' 'Ooohh.' Until one of his advisors quietly pointed out that the Olympic symbol was not a part of the speech to read. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept: Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to assure you that we had nothing in connection with that... Bush: What buildings? What people?? Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now? Bush: It's eight in the morning. Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A 75 year old man got married to a 15 year old girl. On their first night both of them were crying, because she dind't know anything and he had forgetten everything! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A Chinese couple was about to have their first baby. When the baby was born, eyes were wide and big, her hair curly and skin dark brown - all quite unlike Chinese. So the father named the baby 'Sum Ting Rong'! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Once Santa Singh calls up his girl friend and says 'Come home! There's no one at home!' So the girlfriend is very excited and rushes to his house... only to realize that there's actually NOBODY at home! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ There was this guy who was having a party at the terrace of his building. While looking down from the building his watch slipped and started falling down. He started running down the staircase. On the way he saw some guests coming up. They asked him, 'Why are you running so fast?' The guy says, 'My watch fell from the terrace!' Guest says 'So why are you running? It must have broken by now!' Guy replies 'No, I might get it... it's always 2 minutes late!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai kya?' 'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Teacher: Hamaray mulk main 10 airport hain, 25 railway stations hain, 110 bus stations hain to meri age batao? Student: Sir, 32 years! Teacher: Oh brilliant, but how did you guess? Student: My brother is 16 years old - aur woh adha pagal hai! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their Medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes Before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden Crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil Just when the clock struck 11... Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Once upon a time Santa Singh visits France. He went into a restaurant and called out for the waiter. Surprisingly the waiter was also a sardar! Santa said, 'Donnez moi une biere (give me one beer)!' The waiter said, 'I'm sorry mujhko French nahi aati.' On hearing this Santa said, 'Oye tujhko french nahi aati to jaa kissi ko bula ke laa jisko aati ho… mujhko beer ka order dena hai!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Banta had just moved to Chennai. He decided to learn the local language, Tamil, so that he could converse easily with the locals. So he went to the bookstore and picked up two copies of 'Learn Tamil in Thirty Days'. The shopkeeper enquired, ' Sir, is the second copy for your friend?' 'No yaar, I want to learn Tamil in just fifteen days. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Sardarji to a girl: Sunita, I want to marry you. Sunita: But I am a year elder to you. Sardarji: Then, I will marry you next year. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Sardarji enters kitchen. Opens sugar box, sees, closes. Wife observes. Again he comes, opens sugar box and closes. Wife asks, 'What are you doing?' Saradarji replies, 'Doctor told me to check sugar level regularly.'. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A man sees in the street two workers performing the following procedure: The first one is digging a ditch, and the second one, a few feet behind is covering the ditch with the the sand that was just dug out. After watching them for a while he could not resist his curiosity and he went to ask them what they are doing and what was the goal in their work. 'This is very simple, mister' said one of the workers. 'Usually we are a team of three: One digs, the other puts communication cable into the ditch and the third one covers it. Unfortunately, the guy who puts the cables into the ditch is sick today, so we are doing the best we can.' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Santa Singh was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. 'Do you always carry such heavy luggage?' she sighed with a smile. 'Bas! Bahut hua!' replied Santa. 'Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and Banta can buy the ticket!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Once a teacher asks Santa, 'How many kaals are there in the world?' He answers, 'STD kaal, TRUNK kaal and SATSRIAKAAL!!!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Once Santa Singh was roaming right to left for one hour on a zebra crossing. His friend asked him why he was roaming on zebra crossing. Santa replied he was wondering why the piano wasn't sounding! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Do you know why Gandhiji is seen laughing on a 500 Rupee note? If he will cries the note will get wet! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ One day Sardarji goes to a bank for withdrawing cash of Rs.25,000. Lady cashier asks in Hindi. 'So So Ke Loge?' Sardarji: 'Khade Khade Bhi Chalega!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. And the husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly hit a girl! So girl shouted, 'Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!' And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ There were once 3 japanese guys named Chu, Bu & Fu. They didn`t like their names so they decided to go to America and change their names. And they arrived in U.S. So Chu changed his name to Chuck.... Bu changed his name to Buck and Fu went back home! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ One fine morning a Sardarji came out of his home and saw a banana skin in front of the door. He exclaimed 'Oh shit! Saala aaj phir digna paina!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Laloo was going to somewhere through plane. Air hostess asks him 'Are you a vegetarian? He replied 'nahi hum to parliamentarian hai.' Air hostess again asked 'nahi sir, mera matlab hai, Aap shakahari hai ya masahari???' Laloo boola 'na to hum shakahari hun na hum masahari hum to behari hun.' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Rabri goes to Delhi to attend a 1-week session for Chief Ministers. Laloo escorts her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. She answers: 'Lalooji, what would you like me to bring for you?' Laloo laughs and says: 'Dilli di kudi (A Delhi girl)!' Rabri kept quiet and left. A week later Laloo meets her up at the airport and asks: 'So Rabriji, how was the trip?' 'Very good, thank you' 'And, what happened to my present?' 'Which present?' 'What I asked for.... Dilli di kudi?' 'Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl!!!' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ In a medical college practical exam, during viva, a famous doctor asks a brilliant student: Doctor: Can you give an example for amphibian. student: A frog. Doctor: Very good, can you give another example? Student: Another frog! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A frog is talking to a sadhu and is told, 'You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.' The frog says, 'This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?' 'No,' says the sadhu. 'Next semester in her biology class.' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A guy from Uttar Pradesh (UP) was away from his family for about 4 years while his wife was in Jaunpur (UP). At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this prana 'happy event' happened when he had not seen his wife for four years. The man said it is common in UP that neighbours take care of the wife (good samaritans) when men are away. The colleagues asked him, 'What name will you give to the son?' The man explained, 'If its the second neighbour who has taken care, then the name would be DWIVEDI; if it is the third neighbour then it would be TRIVEDI, If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be CHATURVEDI; If its the fifth neighbour then it would be PANDEY. After listening to this, questions followed. What if it is a mixture of> neighbours? 'Then the boy would be named MISHRA'. And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? 'Then it would be SHARMA'. But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? 'Then the name of the child would be GUPTA'. If she does not remember the name then? 'It is YAAD-AV. But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? 'Then it will be named DOSHI'. Finally, if the child happened because of the wife's burning desire for sex, then he will be named JOSHI. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, 'Are you relaxing' Sardar answered ' No I am Banta Singh!' Another guy came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered ' No No Me Banta Singh!' Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach He went and asked him ' Are you Relak Singh?' The other Sardar was much educated and answered 'Yes I am relaxing.' The Sardar slapped him on his face and said 'Salay, Sab tere ko wahah dhoond rahe hai aur tu yahaan aaram kar raha hai?' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Judge to Santa Singh: Aren't you ashamed, coming here for the third time? Santa Singh: Well, you come every day! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ A policeman pulled Santa Singh over after he had been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Santa: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the people were leaving.

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