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Articles: Humour | Stock Terms
- Prof. 00782 Maverick
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So you thought you knew the entire stock market glossary. Look at what they really mean.
Momentum Investing
The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing
The art of buying low and selling lower.
Bear Market
A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex!
Bull Market
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
P/E ratio
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.
'Buy, Buy' - A flight attendant giving market advice as you step off the plane.
Stock split
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.
Financial Planner
A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per share.
Microsoft - A condition temporarily remedied by Viagra.
Cash Flow
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option
Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.
Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.
Alan Greenspan - God.
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