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Articles: Humour | Jokes - Nurse
- Prof. 00782 Maverick
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Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?
She gave herself a tonsilectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
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How do you tell which nurse is the head nurse?
The one with dirty knees.
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Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.
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There was once a guy whose tongue was so long that when he stuck it out for the doctor, the nurse went, 'Aaaaaahhh!!!'
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The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.
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A doctor is standing in the hall of a hospital talking with a colleague when suddenly one of his patients runs down the hall in his hospital gown screaming at the top of his lungs.
Right behind the patient is a nurse carrying a pan of steaming, boiling-hot water, obviously chasing the patient.
The doctor interrupts his conversation with his colleague and shouts to the chasing nurse, 'Miss Jones, I said 'Prick his boil!''
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Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.
The first nurse said, 'I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear.'
The second nurse said, 'I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees.'
The third nurse said, 'Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer.'
The fourth nurse fainted.
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Three nurses died and went to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the first one, 'What did you do on Earth that would deserve getting in here?
The first nurse replied, 'I was an intensive care nurse and I saved hundreds of lives.'
'Welcome,' said St. Peter, 'come right in. And what did you do?' he asked the second one.
The second nurse replied, 'I was an emergency room nurse and I saved hundreds of lives.'
'Welcome,' said St. Peter, 'come right in. And what did you do?' he asked the third one.
The third nurse replied, 'I was a managed care nurse and I saved the insurance companies hundreds of thousands of dollars.'
'Welcome,' said St. Peter, 'come right in...but only for three days.'
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From an Associated Press bulletin:
Wanda R. Condon, a nurse at Seattle's Sacred Heart Medical Center, was handling a donated human heart when she accidentally
dropped it on the floor. Thinking she had contaminated it beyond use, she threw it in the trash and falsified records to say it had been shipped to a laboratory.
Her deed now exposed, she has been fined $250 and a letter of
reprimand has been placed in her state license file. The surgery the heart was intended for was cancelled, apparently BEFORE the mishap.
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