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Articles: Humour | Some Funny Quotes
- Mr. Radhakrishna Adepu
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When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
- W. C. Fields
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It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
- Dave Barry
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
- George Carlin
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People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?'
Well, no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres
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Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
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Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
- Jay Leno
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers
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In Hollywood a marriage is a success, if it outlasts milk.
- Rita Rudner
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You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
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If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
- Lily Tomlin
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A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions.
Your wife asks for nothing.
- Joey Adams
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Before marriage, a man will lay down his life for you; after marriage he won't even lay down his newspaper.
- Helen Rowland
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