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Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are more than enough! ------------------------------------------------------- Are you coming for my 18th birthday party? No, I went for that five years ago. ------------------------------------------------------- No one has ever complained of a parachute notOpening. ------------------------------------------------------- Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun. ------------------------------------------------------- Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep! ------------------------------------------------------- ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what? Who's in a hurry? ------------------------------------------------------- Work fascinates me I can look at it for hours! ------------------------------------------------------- God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends ------------------------------------------------------- Love is photogenic; It needs darkness to develop ------------------------------------------------------- A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject ------------------------------------------------------- Children in backseats cause accidents; Accidents in backseats cause children! ----------------------------------- Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car in front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING ------------------------------------------------------- A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking. Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started? ------------------------------------------------------- Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting. ------------------------------------------------------- Whom are you working for? Same people. My wife and four kids. ---------------------------------------------------- I heard you have a cat that can say her own name. Yes. Meow. -------------------------------------------------- Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different. -------------------------------------------- When a wife was asked: What books do you like the best? She answers: My husband's chequebook. -------------------------------------------- Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday. ------------------------------------------------- Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have? ------------------------------- My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs. -------------------------- Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Student: Brotherly love. ------------------- Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook. ----------------- Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help. Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!! -------------- Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday? Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. ---------------- Teacher: Desmond, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog! ----------------- Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager! Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either. --------------- Diner: You'll drive me to my grave! Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you? --------------- Husband: U know wife, our son got his brain from me. Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me! ------------------ Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden! Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it. ------------- Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything! Son: That's why I say she's no good! ----------------------- Q. What did the Egyptian say to his girlfriend? A. Come behind the pyramid, I'll make u a mummy --------------------- =================================================================================== God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining all to his subordinates ... 'Look everything should be in balance. for every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.... And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time , I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... so you see fellows, everything should be in balance. ' One of the angels asked... 'God, what is this beautiful country here?' God said 'Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. They have understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold. ' The angel was quite surprised 'But God you said everything should be in balance.' God replied 'Look at the neighbors I gave them' !!! ============================================================================= ------------------------------------------------------- A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject --------------------------------------------------------- A girl is like a road; the more curves she has the more dangerous she is ! ------------------------------------------------------- A Policeman catches a guy who was crossing the street at a wrong place and shouts Why are you crossing here? Cant you see a zebra crossing there The guy replies Let the zebra cross. What can I do ------------------------------------------------------- A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you*ve been brought here for drinking. Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started? ------------------------------------------------------- Divorce has become so common that my wife and I am staying married just to be different. -------------------------------------------- What book do you like the best? My husband*s cheque book. =================================================================

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