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Articles: Humour | Computer Problems - Call center
- Mr. Chary
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This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
Customer Support: 'Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
CS: 'What sort of trouble?'
C: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
CS: 'Went away?'
C: 'They disappeared.'
CS: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
C: 'Nothing.'
CS: 'Nothing?'
C: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
CS: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
C: 'How do I tell?'
CS: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'
C: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
CS: 'Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?'
C: 'There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
CS: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
C: 'What's a monitor?'
CS: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
C: 'I don't know.'
CS: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?'
C: 'Yes, I think so.'
CS: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.'
C: '.......Yes, it is.'
CS: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?'
C: 'No.'
CS: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
C: '.......Okay, here it is.'
CS: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
'I can't reach.'
CS: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?'
C: 'No.'
CS: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
C: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
CS: 'Dark?'
C: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
CS: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
C: 'I can't.'
CS: 'No? Why not?'
C: 'Because there's a power outage.'
CS: 'A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?'
C: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
CS: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
C: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
CS: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
C: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
CS: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.'
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