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Articles: Humour | A Short Dictionary Of Construction Terminology
- Prof. 00782 Maverick
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Found posted in the Physical Planning Office at the Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Author unknown.
Contractor -
A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
Bid Opening -
A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Bid -
A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low Bidder -
A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineer's Estimate -
The cost of construction in heaven.
Project Manager -
The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method -
A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHA -
A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney---usually applied at random with a shotgun.
Strike -
An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment -
A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date -
The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages -
A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Auditor -
Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
Lawyer -
Person who goes in after the auditors
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