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Enjoy some jokes
- Mr. Venkata Ramana Reddy Battula

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Santa goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, 'Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?' To this the man replies, ' Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,'Wash Basin'. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Restaurant Manager: ' Why are you looking worried?' Chef: 'There are lot of ants in soup and other cooked food. I do not know what to do.' Restaurant Manager: ' Don't worry. I will annownce that today we are having Chinese Food festival!' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Girl to her boy friend Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi Chandni chand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi Mohabat ek se hoti hai, hazaron se nahi A Boy to his girl friend chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga chandni agar chand se hogi, to sitaron ka kya hoga Mohabat agar ek se hogi hai, to hazaron ka kya hoga -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was a farmer who grew watermellons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermellon patch at night and eat his watermellons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read: 'Warning! One of the watermellons in this field has been injected with cyanide.' The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermellons are missing, but the sign next to his read: 'Now there are two!!!' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scene: A woman comes to Ajit for suggesting a name/s for her kids . Woman: Sir , mein apne ladke ka naam kya rakhoon? Ajit: Iskaa naam Peter rakh do! Woman: Mera doosra ladkaa bhi hai , jo iskaa twin hai. Mein uskaa naam kya rakhoon? Ajit: Uskaa naam Repeter rakh do! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mrs Santa travelling by a DTC bus with her nine childern who occupied seats all over the bus. An irate lady passenger admonished her: ' Behenji, apnee raizgaree sambhall leejiye.' ( Please collect your small change.) Mr Santa snapped back: ' Aisey lagta hai abhee aap ka note toota nahin.' ( It appears your currency note is still intact.) *** Little spicy Uhh ... take it easy guys *** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Banta saw an exhausted Santa Singh running up to him. What happened to you Santaji?' 'There was this nasty big bull in my street that nearly killed me today.' 'Oh really, what happened?' 'I was just walking quietly wearing this red shirt, when the animal came charging at me like a locomotive!He almost got me!' 'So, how'd you get away?' 'Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over.' 'That's scary Santaji. If it'd been me, I would probably have shit all over the place.' 'Oye! I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Banta ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. 'Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cousin Banta Jallandhar Dear Banta, I'm writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast. We don't live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents happen within 10 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts in, pulled the chain and we have not seen them since. Its only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time and five days the second time. I know its cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Ma said it would be too heavy to mail with them buttons on it, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes! My sister had a baby this morning. I haven't heard whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt. Uncle Balbir fell in the big whiskey vat. When they tried to pull him out, he fought them off, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Cousin Santa Ludhiana. P.S : I was planning to enclose the money that I owe you with this envelope, but I had already sealed this by then. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Then there were two sardars, Zail singh & Jarnail singh. Both of them bought a horse each. 'How will we know which is your & which is mine?' asked Zail. 'Easy'replied Jarnail. 'I'll cut mine's tail,yours will be the one with tail' This was heard by a few boys ,they cut the other's tail too. Next morning the confusion continued. 'Don't worry 'retorted Jarnail. 'I'll tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the one without the bell.' The boys heard this also & cut the bell. The next day, Zail got frustrated & said 'Okay now the last criterion, white will be yours & black will be mine.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa Singh went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Santa Singh in the eye and said, 'I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month.' Santa Singh, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Santa Singh said, 'Puttar, we Surds celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints.' After three or four pints, two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Santa Singh's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Santa Singh told them that the Surds celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends 'I've only got few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends gave Santa Singh their condolences and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, Santa Singh's son leaned over and whispered his confusion, 'Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!' Santa Singh said, ' I am dying from cancer, puttar. I just don't want any of them around your mother after I'm gone.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket. When Santa tried to pick it up the photograph slipped under a woman's saree. He asked her 'Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph' The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied'I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay'. He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied,'I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay'. He went to the next house and asked:' Do you have 'grown up' Daughters?'. The Owner asked,'WHY?????????' Banta replied,' I wanted to stay here for a night.....' The rest is history. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- EK baar ek plane mein ek muslim, ek hindu, ek sardar aur ek american ja rahe hain. Suddenly plane ka ek engine goes bad. So everybody is advised to jump. But they find out that there are no parachutes on the plane. Sardar being a little bold sochta hai saale marna to hai hi why not try something, vo apni turban kholta hai aur dono ends pakad ke jump laga deta hai. Luckily idea kaam kar jaata hai aur vo float karne lag jaata hai. Seeing this hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and does the same, he also starts floating. Now Muslim also removes his kurta and does the same and he too starts floating. Now comes American's turn Poor chap is wearing a torn Bermudas and a tattered baniyan type T-shirt. Anyway he also removes them ties everything up and jumps. Now he starts falling very quickly. On the way to the ground he passes the Mohammedan, Who says 'Allah tumhari khair kare', then he passes Pandit. Pandit says 'Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare'. Now when he quickly passes Sardar, Sardar says 'accha race lagana hai, to le' and he lets go of the turban. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cheers __PEACE__(^_^) <489D53>

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