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Articles: Humour | Gastronomical Bean Story
- Prof. 00782 Maverick
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Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction upon him. By and by he met a girl and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, 'she is such a sweet and gentle girl, she will never go for this kind of carrying on.' So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans (they were married shortly thereafter).
Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work, and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because of the misfortune, and that he would have to walk home.
On his way home he passed a small cafe and the odor of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that he would work off any ill effects of the beans before he got home, so he stopped at the cafe.
Before he had left he had eaten three large portions of the baked beans. All the way home he putt- putted, and after arriving, he felt reasonably safe that he had putt-putted his last.
His wife seemed somewhat agitated but excited to see him and exclaimed delightedly, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight.' She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the dining room table. He seated himself, and just as he was ready to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him vow not to touch the blindfold till she returned, and then went to answer the phone.
Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin from his lap and vigorously fanned the air about him. Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming upon him, so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a true prize winner.
While keeping his ear on the conversation in the hall, he went on like this for ten minutes until he knew the phone farewell indicated the end of his freedom. He placed his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it and smiling contentedly to himself, was the very picture of innocence, when his wife returned, apologizing for taking so long.
She asked if he had peeked and he, of course, assured her that he had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold and there was his big SURPRISE.
Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a HAPPY BIRTHDAY PARTY for him!
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