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Tech Support: 'Ok, now click your left mouse button'. Customer: (silence) 'But I only have one mouse'. ------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'. Customer: 'Ok'. Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?' Customer: 'Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click' '. ------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: 'I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message'. Tech Support: 'Did you install the update?' Customer: 'No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?' ------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word'. Tech Support: 'Tell me what you've done'. Customer: 'I typed 'A:SETUP' '. Tech Support: 'Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says'. Customer:'It says '[PC manufacturer]Restore and Recovery disk''. Tech Support: 'Insert the MS Word setup disk'. Customer: 'What?' Tech Support: 'Did you buy MS word?' Customer : 'No...' ------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?' Tech Support: ?@#$ > ------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support: 'Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?' ------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support: 'What type of computer do you have?' Customer: 'A white one'. ------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support: 'Type 'A:' at the prompt'. Customer: 'How do you spell that?' ------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support: 'Is your computer on a separate telephone line?' Customer: 'No'. (clicks the button to log on to our service) Tech Support: 'Well then we can't - ' Customer: 'It says 'no dial tone' '. Tech Support: 'That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to - ' Customer: 'No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through'. Tech Support: 'No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me'. Customer: 'It must be busy. I'll try again later'. ------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support: 'What's on your screen right now?' Customer: 'A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store'. ------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support: 'What operating system are you running?' Customer: 'Pentium'. ------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: 'My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion'. ------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: 'I have Microsoft Exploder'. ------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: 'How do I print my voicemail?' ------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: 'You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly'. Tech Support: 'What does it say?' Customer: 'Something about an error and non-system disk'. Tech Support: 'Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?' Customer: 'No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside'. ------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support: 'Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours'. Customer: 'Is that Eastern time?' ------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support: 'What does the screen say now?' Customer: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready' '. Tech Support: 'Well?' Customer: 'How do I know when it's ready?' ------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: 'I have a long distance modem'. ------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: 'I don't have a space bar'.

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