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Articles: My Experience | I now know what I lack
- Mrs. sharmila Sanka
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Lord, I have enough money, sufficient food, sense of satisfaction at the mere thought of my family, happiness in the heart, peace in my soul and above all blind devotion of love and trust in you. As a child I thought, the above were sufficient to lead a happy and peaceful life. But as years passed, as my experiences reached the rafters of my own self, as my maturity level elevated since step one in the ladder of ‘Life’, I realized the above are not just enough to fill a human soul of urge.
My heart sobs when it feels the immeasurable sorrow of the people around me; my logical mind dies when it is helpless to count the inestimable people in distress; my intelligence feels guilty when the education I was imparted can be of no use to lighten the lamp of another being even by an inch; my higher self struggles when it sees my selfish self dictate it.
The moment these eyes see a disaster, they stoop down in helplessness; the moment these ears hear some unpleasant news about any being, not with timidity but with grief they fold themselves in to a bud not wanting to show themselves; the moment my tongue tries to twist to console the beings in tragedy, it gets tightened as it lacks the worthy words capable of bringing back the lost lives of their people. My heart panics and grunts in helplessness when it hears and sees incalculable people who are hungry with no food.
I ask God in what way I can help these beings as I am a single minute drop which cannot quench the hunger of this mighty Ocean of poor and needy. With inability and incompetence I bob with guilt when I fill my stomach with delicious food multiple times in a day. The only solace I feel is to pray to the Lord to fill all the hungry stomachs at my first morsel. Sometimes it becomes hard for me to put myself in others’ shoes but my inner voice prompts me that this feeling of oneness is humane. I am not happy when the people around me are drowned in sorrow. I have everything but I now know what I lack. I lack the ability to fill the people’s eyes with happiness and their souls with peace. My hunger is not quenched when there are many who die of hunger. My wealth doesn’t make me rich when there are people enveloped in poverty. I smile from outside but I whimper from within. The one and only way I release this feeling is by saying my prayer to the Lord-
“O Lord, I very well know our actions rule every aspect of our Lives but instead why don’t you rule us as you have no feeling of thine and mine? Let us realize our mistakes and utilize our boon of discrimination to step away from making mistakes. Let all my fellow beings fill their stomachs to the fullest, let their minds be free of avarice, let their hearts be filled with Content and let their lives be lived in such a way so as to be an offering at your divine lotus feet. My life has sojourned from ‘I know NOT what I lack’ to ‘I know NOW what I lack.’ But I am alone and I feel helpless and miserable.”
I am a single drop
In the ocean of multiple drops
I can only drip and drop
And sob and log but
Can never jog and hog.
I am a tiny drop
That pops like a top
In a fine pearl shape
But I am a single drop
That lacks to make a mighty crop
“O Lord, I render my life in your hands to be shown the path to Service.”
-Sharmila Sanka
Written on October 28th 2005
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