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Articles: Humour | Corporate lingo list
- Mr. Srinivas N Chowdary
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Here is a little clarification of corporate lingo.
COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you+-
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don?t pay enough to expect that you?ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You?ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON:
If you?re old, fat or ugly you?ll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We?ve filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You?ll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You?re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You?ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.
I?M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I?ve used Microsoft Office.
I?M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:
I hope you don?t ask me about all the McJobs I?ve had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.
I?M PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.
I?M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.
I AM ADAPTABLE:
I?ve changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO:
I?m never at my desk.
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