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Articles: Humour | Jokes
- queenie p
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A little boy thought candles were only meant for birthday parties. One day, his mother brought him to a church.
The church was filled with candles and the little boy thought
it was a birthday party. When the pastor finshed prayer,
the little boy started to sing, 'Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you....'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court
and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent
pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously
proposed marriage.
'Look,' she said. 'We only met a half hour ago. How can
you be so sure? We know nothing about each other.'
'You're wrong,' the young man declared. 'For the past 5
years I've been working in the bank where your father
has his account.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*
Customer: Do you have and cockroaches?
Clerk: Yes, we sell them to the fisherman.
Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.
Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?
Customer: I'm moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, 'You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.'
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, 'Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.'
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, 'Of course, then, I could throw one hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.'
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, 'I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
'I will give you each one wish, ' says the genie.
The American says, 'I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America.' With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming.
The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country.' Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France.
The Englishman asks, 'I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out.'
The Englishman says, 'Fill it up with water.'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.
'Well,' he whispered, 'I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!' He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!'
'We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us.'
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