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Articles: Humour | Some more SMILES..........
- Mr. Siri Siri
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Once Santa Singh decided to go to London. He arranged for the flight tickets in bussiness class. When he was about to leave home, Santa's close friend Banta Singh gave him an advice, 'Oye, plane vich jedi pehli seat tenu vikhe, ode utte bain jaain, varna tenu dooji seat nahio milni' (occupy the very first seat u spot and don't get up from it, or else you'll not get a seat again). Santa Singh absorbed it word by word left for the airport.
Once in the plane, he grabbed the very first seat he saw. After few minutes, the guy whose seat it actually was came and requested Santa to get up but Santa refused to do so. He called the airhostess. She too was unable to make Santa understand.
This continued for quite some time until it was time to take off. When the pilot heard the noise, he came out of the cockpit. He too tried to pacify Santa but Santa just wouldn't relent. The flight was getting delayed and every one was highly frustrated. Just then a young guy who had been watching all this from a small distance away, got up and went up to the pilot. He told the pilot that he could actually make Santa see reason but would charge Rs 100 for the job.
Pilot gladly shelled the amount. The guy then went up to Santa and wispered something in his ear. The result! Snata got up in a hurry and sat on his own seat. Everybody was mightily relieved. After an hour, the curosity grew better of the pilot and he emerged from his cockpit to ask the young guy as to what the trick was.
Young guy played smart this time as well and demanded another 100 bucks for the answer. Pilot happily parted with the sum. The guy quickly pocketing the money explained, 'All I told him was that sardarji ye waala dabba Amritsar pe kat jaayega' (this boggie will be detached at Amritsar station).
~*~~*~**~*~**~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************~**********Letter from mother to son Santa Singh.
Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
~****************************************~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read 'Padne waala gadha.'(one who reads it is an ass.) Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,'Likhne waala gadha.'(One who wrote it is an ass).
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'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise building. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.' 'I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.
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There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,'I've kidnapped you.'The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: 'I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground'. Signed, 'A Sardarji'
The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, 'How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji?!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes.
First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down.
Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out.
Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - ' May Bhagwan help you'.
Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - 'I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster' Saying so, he let go off his turban.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, 'Who killed Jesus Christ?' The Jewish man answered without hesitation 'The Romans killed him.' The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied 'Jesus was killed by the Jews.' Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.
Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, 'Could I have some time to think about it?' The chief said, 'OK, but get back to me tomorrow.' When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked 'How did the interview go?'. Pat came the reply, 'Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!!
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Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The American pressed his forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him questioningly. 'That was my pager,' he said. 'I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.'
A few minutes later a phone rang.
The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, 'That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'
Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and went to toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging from his butt.
The others raised their eyebrows and said, 'Wow! What's that?'
'I'm getting a Fax,' he explains.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
A Sardarji happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.
Sardarji's turn came after many attempts by others. Sardarji gave a story, which was just one sentence and read : 'Oh God, my wife is going to deliver a child'.
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the sardarji whether it contained all the four ingredients !!
Sardarji replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below: Oh God : religion
My wife: sex
Going to deliver a child : Suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
'Okay.... but where is the mystery ?' asked one of the organizers.
The sardar replied : Who is the father? Sardarji was declared the winner for writing the shortest story!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``
Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling '86, 86, 86'. He asks the man, 'Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?' The man says,
'Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, 'Okay.' The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole,
and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling '87, 87, 87'...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he
wrote : Yes
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching
the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, 'Are Banta Singh! What the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?'Scared Banta replies. 'Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* '
Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?'
'Just a sec,' comes an answer.
'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up!
There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.
WHY ? -
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance 'Visitors not allowed.'
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.
WHY ?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet
nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge.
WHY ?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
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Our three respected Indians, Vajpayeeji, Chandrababu Naidu and, of course, Lalooji go to 'narak' after their death. They are very sad as they are missing their people on earth. So, they request the devils to allow them to make a call to their relatives at their respective homes. The devils, out of respect for their high positions, permit them to do so.
First, Vajpayeeji calls his relatives in Delhi. He talks for 15 minutes and then passes the phone to Naidu. The latter also calls his state and talks to his wife for 20 minutes and gives the chance to Laloo. Now, Lalooji calls Bihar and starts talking to Rabri Devi. He talks for many hours. Soonafter, the telephone bills arrive. Vajpayeeji pays Rs 150, Naidu Rs 200 and Laloo Rs 50.
All of them are surprised how Laloo had talked to his wife for over an hour. Lalooji's reply was simple. He had made a local call to Bihar. How? 'Arre bhai BIHAR to pahele hi narak hai' !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata'
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Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, 'Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you.' Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, 'Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Sardar Garbachan singh went to Newyork to attend a course to improve his IQ. After completing the course on the way back to airport by a taxi he began to think about his intellectuality and decided to test the IQ. He asked the driver of the cab to ask one question. Driver said ' My father has three children one a business man doing his business in Florida, one an artist doing his thesis in MIT and who is the third one? Sardar worked for an hour to find the solution but could not. Finally he accept defeat. The driver said 'it is me the taxi driver'. After getting India Sardar has been given with a glorious welcome by some groups of Sardars. In the function our Garbachen is told to ask a question. Garbachen said 'my father has three children one, who working at Delhi as an engineer another one a postman working at Jalandher and who is the third one. After hours of thinking none of those Sardar could answer. Finally Garbachen said 'he is the taxi driver at Newyork.'
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Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!
~~~~~INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and
capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets.
The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of
the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off quickly.
The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His freinds ask him 'Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?' Hari Singh replies
'Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh (No Assumptions Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoot away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him 'aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya' Gani
Singh replies 'aare yaar main tho Mosquito repelling cream lage ke gaya tha'!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
-----------------------------------------------------------------What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
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What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
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What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
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Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
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A Surd I know is not bothered about the petrol price hike. He says he always fills up for Rs.50/-.
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All soft drink bottles used by Surds carry the following message at the bottom - 'Open from the other side.'
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Q) Which is the smallest book in the world ?
A) Sardar geniuses.
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Why do Sardars drink milk at the departmental store itself :
Ans: b'cos it says 'open here ' on the satchet.
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COLOR TV
Sardarji is buying a TV.
'Do you have color TVs?'
'Sure.'
'Give me a green one, please.'
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COUNT THE CHICKEN
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a
country road. Hari Singh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder.
'Hey Bhai,' Gani Singh drawled, 'what's in the bag?'
'Chickens,' was the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?'
'You can have both of them.'
'OK, Five?'
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Why does Sardar have 'TGIF' written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
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How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
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Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
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How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
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'Oh, look at the dead bird.'
Sardar looked skyward and said 'Where, Where?
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What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
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Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a
regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
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Why are surd hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
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When is it legal to shoot a surd in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
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Whats the difference between a surd and a Supermarket Trolley ?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
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A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: 'Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.'
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What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.
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Someone asked a surd if he believed in smoking.
A: He said 'Yes, I've seen it done.'
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Surd #1: 'Have you ever read Shakespeare?'
Surd #2: 'No, who wrote it?'
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Surd: 'Excuse me sir, what time is it?'
MAN: 'It's 3:15.'
Surd: (puzzled look on his face) 'You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.'
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A surd was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said 'DISNEYLAND LEFT'. After thinking for a minute, he said to himself 'oh well !' and turned around and drove back home.
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Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
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Biography of a Sardar
Read this biography of a sardar
When God passed out looks,
I thought He said books, and I didn't want any.
When God passed out ears,
I thought He said beers, and I asked for two long ones.
When God passed out legs,
I thought He said kegs, and I asked for two fat ones.
When God passed out noses,
I thought He said roses, and I asked for a big red one.
When God passed out heads,
I thought He said beds, and I asked for a big soft one.
When God passed out brains,
I thought he said trains, and I missed mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak.
In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark. They hear a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.
When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : 'Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!'
The young woman is thinking : 'Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old woman than me.'
The Pakistani soldier is thinking : 'Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped.'
And Santa Singh is thinking : 'Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss the back of my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier.'
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The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.' 'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh, 'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``
A Sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,
'Abey saale! Get me a coffee quickly!'
The voice from the other side responded,
'You fool you've dialed the wrong extension!
Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?'
'No', replied the trainee.
'It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!'
The Sardarji shouted back,
'And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?'
'No.', replied the Managing Director.
'Good!', replied the Sardarji and put down the phone!
*************************************************
One train which was going peacefully on the rail
tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to
the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks.
The passengers were horrified.
At the next railway station the driver was caught.
He was found to be a Sardar.
He was questioned. He explained that there was
a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving
from there even after lots of honks, etc.
The authorities questioned:
'Sardarji are you mad!
Just to save the life of one person you put the lives
of so many passengers in danger!?
You should have run over that person.'
Sardarji said:
'Exactly! That is what I also decided,
but this idiot started running towards
the field when the train came very close!'
*************************************************
A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car
which had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body
was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to
have the mileage meter reading reduced to around
30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly.The sardar
liked the idea.
A few weeks later the same friend met
him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off
his car. The sardar replied, 'Are you mad? Who sells
a car which has done only 30000 kms!
**************************************************
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He had to
get off on station that came up at 4 am. He asked the
guy sitting opposite him on the train to wake him up
at 4 am and gave him Rs 20 to do so. This guy was a
barber, and felt that for Rs 20 the passenger deserved
more service. So, when he fell asleep, the barber
quietly shaved off is beard!
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up,
and he went home. Reaching home he went to wash
his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
His wife said, ' What's the matter?'
He replied, 'The cheat on the train has taken Rs 20
from me and has woken up someone else!!!'
****************************************************
Gurpal Singh bought a new answering machine at his
house in Punjab. But after two days, he disconnected
it. When his friends asked him why he disconnected the
new answering machine, Gurpal Singh said, ' I am
getting a bad response. My friends say things like
'Saala.... khud phone utha ke kehta hai ki 'main ghar pe
nahin hoon'!'
*****************************************************
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