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- Mr. Siri Siri

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A Sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, 'Hey, Balbir!' He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice-with no success. Then he realized he had lost his place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again . After he had purchased his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to buy a coke. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But since the game hadn't started he decided to wait. Just as he got to the window, a voice called out'Hey, Balbir!' Again He tried to find the voice and got out of line as he wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck. He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke. Finally he had his coke and took his seat eager for the game to begin. As he waited for the first pitch, he heard the voice calling, 'Hey, Balbir!' once more. Furious, He stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs,'My name isn't Balbir!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`` Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees , the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror said his wife ' What's the matter?' Replied he 'The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``` Once Zail singh was relaxing in a park. Some kids playing nearby decided to pull his leg. Walking up to him they asked him, 'Sir are you relaxing?' Zail singh replied, 'No, I am Zail Singh!' The kids started laughing wildly and ran off. This terribly confused Zail Singh and he decided to check it out. He walked up to a guy who was relaxing on a bench near him and asked, 'Are you relaxing?' The man replied, 'Yes, why do you ask?' Zail Singh answered with satisfaction, 'Then those kids are probably looking for you!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``` A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to callhis wife 'oeyy..suno..Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa!' . One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' haa!, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap!!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says 'Yes'. 'Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder.' The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. 'Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder.' The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says 'I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`````` Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?' 'Just a sec,' says the reply. 'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``` Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. 'They should not put up such misleading notices,'said Banta Singh.' It said , 'FINE FOR PARKING HERE.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```` Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach : Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ? Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ? Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata. Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````` Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SARDARJI BUSY ALL DAY? A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner. Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday? A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday. Q: Why did the sardarji stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate. Q: How do you keep a sardarji busy? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. Q: Why can't sardarjis make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe. Q: How did the sardarji try to kill the bird? A: He threw it off a cliff. Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? A: Because below 18 was not allowed !!! Q: What do you call a sardarji in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor. Q: Why did the sardarji take his typewriter to the doctor ?? A: He thought it was pregnant because it missed a period. Q: A sardarji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: 'Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.' sardarji #1: 'Have you ever read Shakespeare?' sardarji #2: 'No, who wrote it?' What about the sardarji wife who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`Santa Singh is Flying from Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside him is Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe of Chess players, and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the Nuances of the Game etc. Gary says ... 'How would You like to Play me for $ 500/ US'? Santa: 'But you're too damn good'. Gary: 'I'll play left handed'. Santa cant resist the bet and accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8 Moves ....... Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane. Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa tells Banta about the game he had with Kasparov. Banta: 'Tu bhi pura buddhu hai Santa'. (You're an absolute fool Santa) Santa: 'kyon' (why)? Banta: 'Abe chooteye ........ Gary Kasparov Khabbu hai'. (You idiot, Gary Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder he beat you left handed). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`` Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions. Following is the transcript : O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites S : Yes Sir. Officer started asking questions O : Above S : Below O : Front S : Back O : Left S : Right O : Male S : Female O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi) S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi) O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it) S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it) O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts) S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our sardar also shouts) #Officer is now angry. O : Get out S : Come in. O : Quiet please. S : Talk please. O : You are rejected. S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father.' Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?' 'No son, that's because you are intelligent. ' Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, 'Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??' 'No son, that's because you are intelligent,' replies his father. Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, 'Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??' The father replies, 'No son, that's because you are 31 years old.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``` One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar . He was questioned . He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc . Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger.You should have overran that person . Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`` A glossary of Medical Terms, and alternate meanings as given by Sardars ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Benign................What you be after you be eight. Artery................The study of paintings. Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria. Barium................What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan...............Searching for kitty. Cauterize.............Made eye contact with her. Colic.................A sheep dog. Coma..................A punctuation mark. D & C.................Where Washington is. Dilate................To live long. Enema.................Not a friend. Fester................Quicker than someone else. Fibula................A small lie. Genital...............Non-Jewish person. G.I. Series...........World Series of military baseball. Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on. Impotent..............Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain............Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane. Morbid................A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates..............Cheaper than day rates. Node..................Was aware of Outpatient.... .......A person who has fainted. Pap Smear..... .......A fatherhood test. Pelvis................Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative........A letter carrier. Recovery Room.........Place to do upholstery. Rectum................Darn near killed him. Secretion.............Hiding something. Seizure...............Roman emperor. Tablet................A small table. Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the Bus Station Tumor.................More than one Urine.................Opposite of you're out. Varicose..............Near by/close by. Vein..................Conceited. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``` Once upon a time, a Surdar applied to Medical School needless to say he never made it because these are the answers he gave...... QUESTION: Define the following terms? ANTIBODY - against everyone ARTERY - the study of fine paintings ASPHYXIA - get a 'Butt Job' BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria BENIGN - what you be after you be eight BOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,u CAESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker playing CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty CHRONIC - neck of a crow COMA - punctuation mark CORTIZONE - area around local courthouse CYST - short for sister DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose DILATE - the late British princess DISLOCATION - in this place DUODENUM - couple in jeans ENEMA - not a friend FALSE LABOR - pretending to work FECES - nasty countenance GALLBLADDER - bladder in a girl GENES - blue denim GROIN - to mash to a pulp / smile HERNIA - she is close by HYMEN - greeting to several males IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known LABOR PAIN - hurt at work LACTOSE - person without digits on the foot LIPOSUCTION - a French kiss LYMPH - walk unsteadily MENOPAUSE - I no wait MICROBES - small dressing gowns OBESITY - city of Obe PACEMAKER - winner of Nobel Peace Prize PROTEIN - in favour of teens PULSE - grain PUS - small cat RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula RUPTURE - ecstasy SECRETION - hiding anything SEMEN - sailors SERUM - sailors drink SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough SUTURE - Gujarati for 'what do you want' TABLET - small table ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`` Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him ' Arre Puttar, ki hoya?' (What Happened, My Son?) The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, 'Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?' (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station. He asks one man 'When will Rajdhani Express go from here'? Man Replies 12.30. 'When will Punjab Express go from here'? Man Replies 10.30. 'When will Deccan Queen go from here'? Man Replies 12.30. Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not. Sardar replies, 'NO. I only want to cross the tracks!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` Son: Dad! I have saved 3 rupees today. Father: Is it! How? Son: I ran behind the bus. Father: Idiot! Fool! You should have run behind the taxi. then you may save 30 rupees. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`````` Dumb questions indians are often asked and correct answers for them. Q. Why do indian women wear red dots on their foreheads? A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target.... Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation? A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an 'emissions' problem..... Q. Does India have cars? A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourageride-sharing schemes. Q. Does India have TV? A. No. We only have cable. Q. Are all Indians vegetarian? A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India. Q. How come you speak English so well? A. You see when the British were ruling India,they employed Indians as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the British isolated an 'English-language' gene and infused their servants' babies with it and since then all babies are born speaking English. Q. Are you a Hindi? A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India. Q. Do you speak Hindu? A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity. Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt? A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school. Q. India is very hot, isn't it? A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India. Q. Are there any business companies in India? A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of self- sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is a lot of hard work. Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh? A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat. Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly? A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there. Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that? A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the botton of our feet to make it hard, so that we can walk. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` PART-I LAN, LAN ago, in the land of I/O-dhya, there ruled a king named DOS-rat. Three queens had he - CONSOLE-ya, CHECKSUM-itra and CIE/CAE (Kaikeyi). However, he had no line drivers - i.e. no one to perpetuate his line. In sheer desperation, he performed a great sacrifice after which his queens gave birth to four sons - RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana. RAM was a microchip off the old block - he had an excellent memory, he logged in quickly and semi-conducted himself in a manner fit for a king. His brothers, however, were only perpheralI ICs; everytime RAM addressed them, they said, 'I-C'. Once when RAM was only sixteen years old, the great sage Vish-WAN-mitra sought his help to fight some DAEMONs who persistently RAIDed his hermitage. After a brief collision, RAM routed them so easily that he came to be called DAEMON ROUTER. RAM then proceeded to Media, where he married Pricess C+ta. C+ta's sisters, who were not her blood sisters and hence called TRAN-sisters, married RAM's ICs. This ceremony came to be known as TTL. On the way back to I/O-dhya, the entourage met Parasu-ROM (or P-ROM as he was better known), the scourge of the kshatriyas. Taking up the P-ROM challenge, RAM aimed an arrow at him; he threatened to take away P-ROM's powers of locomotion, thereby converting him to Static RAM. P-ROM humbly withdrew and the procession reached I/O-dhya. Twelve years passed and DOS-rat decided to crown RAM as his successor. However, CIE/CAE, at the instigation of her BIOSed maid MANtharai(a real plotter), insisted that her son Bug-rat be crowned king and that RAM be banished to the FOR(;;)est for fourteen years. At this cruel and unexpected demAND, a surge passed thru DOS-rat and he CRASHED, power-less. RAM agreed to go to FOR(;;)est and C+ta insisted to go with him. She said that at the time of her marriage, her father had advised her to follow the footsteps of her husband like a shadow, hence, she came to be called SHADOW-RAM. LSI-man was also resolved on accompanying his brother as a SLAVE LSI. Unable to bear separation, DOS-rat died, setting the precedent that no system could function in the absence of RAM. The forest was the dwelling of SPARC-nakha, the sister of RAW-van, King of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he marry her. RAM routed her to LSI-man, who also politely declined. Perceiving C+ta to be the source code of her distress, she hastened to kill her. At this stage LSI-man executed the Memory resident code and converted SPARC-naak to SPARC-no-naak. He TRUNCATED her nose. Weeping, SPARC-no-naak fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van, moved by sisters plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. Ignoring MAR-icha's compilation warnings not to RISC SPARC-ing a war with RAM, he insisted on going ahead. Accordingly, MAR-icha transformed himself into the form of golden sTAG and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, who, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice. Fooled by this Virtual RAM cry, C+ta urged LSI-man to his brothers aid. Catching the opportunity, RAW-van delinked C+ta from her library and changed her root directory to LAN-ka by BROADCASTING her over sky. PART-II RAM and LSI-man started FINDing for the missing i-node, c+ta all over the forest. They made friendship with the forest admin SU-greev and his powerful co-processor ha-NEUMAN. ha-NEUMAN was a legendary figure. He had a swollen cheek ARCHITECTURE. He was a child prodigy and came up with newer methedologies and techniques which inspired many others.In particular his RAM mantra technique became extremely popular for generations. SU-greev agreed to help RAM but first wanted help from RAM to delete his own root node VAALI.( valli?) SU-greev's intention was obvious. He wanted to be the only admin around & wanted to grab all the consulting jobs in the forest. RAM fought with VALLI and surprised him using some un-documented features.VALLI cried foul and started complaining to the justice department saying that it was not a fair fight.RAM then convinced everyone using his trademark MICRO SOFT WORDs coupled with a few FREE vedic goodies.Though some of the onlookers such as ORACLE (seer)and pancha bhutas such as SUN, disagreed with RAM's micro soft touch,they all shut their mouths fearing RAM's reach among the user community. SU-greev was happy with the outcome and ordered his programmers to use powerful 'search' techniques to find the missing c+ta. His programmers searched all around the INTER-NETworked forests. Some of them shouted 'YAA-HOO' but ended up with 'not found' messages. Several other search techniques proved useless. ha-NEUMAN using a radically different paradigm devised a RISKy technology and used it to cross the seas at astonishing clock speeds. On the way he bumped with a few satellite signals but was able to avoid deflections due to his own high strength. As soon as ha-NEUMAN reached LAN-ka, he had to collide with its firewall called LAN-ki. The firewall made disperate attempts to stop ha-NEUMAN entering into its internal web, but the great ha-NEUMAN detected a loop hole in LAN-ki's firewall. Using micro code, he broke the security and entered LAN-ka. After doing some local search, ha-NEUMAN found C+ta weeping under the weight of a TREE structure. ha-NEUMAN used a unique key-id (ring) to identify himself to C+ta. After decrypting the key, C+ta believed in him and asked him to send a STATUS_OK message to RAM through RING topology. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around C+ta tied ha-NEUMAN and tried to terminate him using pyro-techniques. But ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos among the raakshasas by SPAMMING the fire using some side effects. Several raakshasa programmers were later called to restore the operational stability in LAN-ka. ha-NEUMAN happily escaped LAN-ka again and conveyed all the STATUS messages to RAM and SU-greev. RAM felt happy with ha-NEUMAN's methedology of execution and embarked on a project code named EXPLORER to delete the netESCAPING RAW-wan. He even created a bridge and GATEWAY to acess LAN-ka network In the mean time, signs were apparent in LAN-ka about the imminent danger from RAM's project EXPLORER, but RAW-wan refused to budge. Sensing disaster, his own sub-program called vibhee-SHUN, executed a 'GO TO' statement and branched out to RAM's camp. RAW-wan still insisted on taking the all powerful RAM head-on. He decided to use the boons given to him by SUN, sHIVa etc.and prepared for the battle on a remote island on LAN-ka called JAVA. He thought that his presence in JAVA will give him victory over RAM. RAM and his entourage made small and buggy progress in the begining but the world community on the whole started watching them with awe. In the battle on JAVA island, it appeared initially that RAM had no chance. In fact one of the RAW-wan's SUN indrajIT(son) almost killed RAM & LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra called JAVA-BEAN. It appeared for a while that the world has seen the end of RAM's MICRO SOFT touch. But ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-Xgradients from HILL GATES and concocted a potion using some herbs. His powerful HERBAL-COMPUTER aided him in making this potion which restarted RAM and LSI-man. Appearing, reluctant RAM used the source code secrets of RAW-wan given by vibhee-SHUN and once and for all wiped out RAW-wan's presense on the earth. Before that he even SCHEDULED RAW-wan to come next day when all his resources were locked up bu RAM's virus weapons He proved again that even the so called invincible RAW-wan cannot be netESCAPED from his power. After the battle, RAM spreaded his MICRO SOFT WORKS and other user friendly programs to all users across the world and every one lived happily thereafter. END OF DIGITAL RAMAYANA

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