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Lessons from Jokes
- Mr. J P

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Pretty Nice Management lessons !!! A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. 'Listen', said the CEO, 'this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?' 'Certainly', said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. 'Excellent, excellent!' said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. 'I just need one copy'. Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything. * * * * * * * * * * A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: 'I want to open a damn checking account'. To which the astonished woman replies: 'I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?' 'Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!' 'I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank.' Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer. They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: 'What seems to be the problem here?' 'There's no damn problem, sonny', the elderly man says. 'I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!' 'I see,' says the manager thoughtfully. 'And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?' Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything. * * * * * * * * * * An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, 'What kind of ese are you?' Confused, the Japanese replied, 'Sorry but I don't understand what you mean'. The American repeated, 'What kind of -ese are you?' Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, 'What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???' The Japanese then replied, 'Oh, I am a Japanese.' A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, 'What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!' The Japanese said, 'Are you a Yankee, donkey, or a monkey?' Lesson III - Never insult anyone. * * * * * * * * * * There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a Britisher and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, 'Next to you all are four swimming pools. I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true'. The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted 'WINE'. The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, 'VODKA' and immersed himself into the pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, 'BEER'. He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the Britisher. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!.........' Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what you say accidentally does happen. * * * * * * * * * * A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, 'Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each' So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. 'Pfufffff, and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted 'I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. 'Pfufffff, and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, 'I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch' Lesson V - 'Always allow the bosses to speak first' ....... A Friend.... (A)ccepts you as you are (B)elieves in 'you' (C)alls you just to say 'HI' (D)oesn't give up ! ! on you (E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts) (F)orgives your mistakes (G)ives unconditionally (H)elps you (I)nvites you over (J)ust likes to be with you (K)eeps you close at heart (L)oves you for who you are (M)akes a difference in your life (N)ever Judges (O)ffer support (P)rays for you (Q)uiets your fears (R)aises your spirits (S)ays nice things about you (T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it (U)nderstands you (V)alues you (W)alks beside you (X)-plains thing you don't understand (Y)ells when you won't listen and (Z)aps you back to reality Any one who wants to learn how to apply for a job or leave learn from the classic examples below. This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India. Just have a look at the English skills of these people. 2. An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one week leave. 3. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: 'Since I've to go to the cremation ground and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave' 4. A friend of mine had written a leave letter to the headmaster: 'As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today' 5. A family friend of ours told an incident of his friend's letter 'I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday to the school' . 6. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day. 7. A covering note 'I am enclosed herewith...' 8. Another leave letter written to Administration dept: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave. 9. Actual letter written for application of leave: 'My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home, I may be granted leave'. 10. Letter writing: - 'I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well'. Guys & Ladies, share your views send me if any jokes you have.

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