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Articles: Humour | Life at a Call Center
- 4uFriends 4ufriends
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1) Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'Ok.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support:: 'Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer: 'Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
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2) Customer: 'I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.'
Tech Support:: 'Did you install the update?'
Customer: 'No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?'
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3).Customer:: 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.'
Tech Support:: 'Tell me what you've done.'
Customer: 'I typed 'A:SETUP'.'
Tech Support:: 'Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.'
Customer:: 'It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.'
Tech Support:: 'Insert the MS Word setup disk.'
Customer:: 'What?'
Tech Support: 'Did you buy MS word?'
Customer: 'No...'
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4).Customer:: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
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5).Tech Support:: 'Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
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6) Tech Support:: 'What type of computer do you have?'
Customer:: 'A white one.'
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7). Tech Support:: 'Type 'A:' at the prompt.'
Customer:: 'How do you spell that?'
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8). Tech Support: 'What's on your screen right now?'
Customer: 'A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.'
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9). Tech Support:: 'What operating system are you running?'
Customer: 'Pentium.'
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10). Customer: 'My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion.'
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11).Customer: 'I have Microsoft Exploder.'
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12).Customer: 'How do I print my voicemail?'
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13). Customer: 'You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly.'
Tech Support: 'What does it say?'
Customer: 'Something about an error and non-system disk.'
Tech Support: 'Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?'
Customer: 'No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside.'
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14). Tech Support: 'Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours.'
Customer: 'Is that Eastern time?'
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15). Tech Support:: 'What does the screen say now?'
Customer: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.'
Tech Support:: 'Well?'
Customer: 'How do I know when it's ready?'
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16). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his
Computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and
it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is
an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let
me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
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17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and
may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
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