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Articles: Humour | HUMOR I N THE ARMY
- Prof. venkata ramanamurty mallajosyula
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SHIFT PLUS 3 TEL
HUMOR IN THE ARMY
1.I was at Jodhpur Rajasthan in 1966. One day I was on duty at HQs of a Division.
I received a call from some one who was telling me ”I am Jeevan speaking.”
I asked him “Please tell me your name, I am the Duty officer here.”
He said “Look I am Jeevan speaking here, can’t you understand.”
I said “Do you know to whom you are talking. I am representing the General Officer Commanding ( GOC) since I am the Duty Officer tonight.”
He said “I am surprised my dear! You don’t know who is speaking.? Why don’t you tell me your name so that I can take some action.”
I said “ I am the Duty officer. I am not to reveal my name as per GOC’s orders Ok.? Why don’t you tell me your name. I must ask you as to who is speaking. Tell me your name .I want to know first.”
He said, ”I will report the matter to GOC. Ok. If you do not tell me your name I will march you to the GOC tomorrow.”
I said, please listen to me first .I am aware of all rules. The duty officer has instructions displayed here that the duty officer is not at all supposed to convey his name until unless the caller reveals his name.”
So called, Jeevan said “It is rather urgent. Please tell me who is on line. I will have to pass a message. Tell me who is speaking. I have a message from GOC to be passed on to you for further action.”
I said that as a Duty officer I am capable of doing my duty,but I will not take any message till you reveal your name .By the way I had a talk with GOC half an hour back. Please put your phone down.”
After fifteen minutes some one came and the sentry told me that some officer wants to meat you and he showed his identity .I said “ok Send him in “.And he came to me.
He was down by this time and met me and told his name as Jeevan. I said to him
“ You are G1,meaning GSO-1 (in short normally called G1)) spelt as ( G, one ) and it is heard as Jeevan . Had he told me he is some Lt col xyz Jeevan ,the
GSO – 1, did learn a lesson.
(Recovery)
2.On a Sunday morning at the same Jodhpur area I received a call that two Generals when took off within few minutes the Helicopter banged over telephone lines and broke into two pieces but the officers were safe. I am informed that our GOC wants the name plate of the helicopter with it’s number written on it. Immediately I sent message to O i/c Recovery platoon to just bring the number plate of the helicopter which fell down and broken at grid point near by and details of spot was also sent.
He rang me up after 45 minutes that he spotted the location and he did see the chopper and seen every thing. After couple of hours I spoke to the Recovery company and came to know that half an hour back as per the instructions given by the Oi/c recovery platoon, that he wanted one more 3 x ton vehicle was sent.
I managed to get that line and asked him as to why two vehicles just to bring the number plate. He told me “ Sir! I saw two number plates one in the front and the other at the back. I had a hunch that I should bring both, and GOC will be happy “
I howled at him as to why the hell he should bring both the number plates when the order was only to bring one of them. So I said “Don’t worry. Come back with them soon”. He again called me up and said “Sir I have to bring both the pieces of the helicopter which are loaded back to back the two 3 x ton vehicles and by 6 pm I will reach .
I literally fired him telling him come soon and after reaching to send only one number plate ONLY to be sent to the Duty officer and inform me.
After he reached with the number plate l asked him why he brought the piece to me. He said that he cut both pieces and after giving one number plate to the duty officer
I thought of giving you the other one to you. It may be required incase of any contingency, he said. Immediately I have give replaced him with another offr as O I/C Recovery platoon .
Engineering )
3. During the period ’66, I was responsible for ensuring that at high altitude areas the divisions to have light vehicles. The vehicles must be serviceable and as and when needed the wheel drums must be skimmed once in a week since ware and tear of wheel drums will be more and likely to be skidding.
As such we ensured to do the wheel drum skimming so that breaks will function well and no accidents will occur. For each a vehicle both the wheel drums are skimmed and all divisions to send a report once in 3months . We had to send reports to higher ups.
If a division sends report of 540 wheel drums in 3months it means 180 wheel drums a month are done it will be for 90 vehicles.
All reports used to be good. But by mistake a div- report was wrong but the report was wrongly sent as 573 wheel drums duly sent by my senior officer. I received a letter from higher ups stating a wrong report was sent. My senior, had asked me why it is wrong as it is a perfect report.
I said, sir! 573 wheel drums in 3 months will be 191 wheel drums. Higher ups are right that the number should be a multiple of two as each vehicle has only 2 wheel drums per vehicles. Then the senior said “Why not one must have done to the spare tire also “
I told him that a vehicle has only 2 wheel drums and there wont be a wheel drum for a spare tire. He then quickly told me to cover up the report sent and send an amendment. I sent a reply amending it as it is a typographical error and amendment showed “for 573 please read as 558” .
Senior asked me how is it ? I said that 558 for 3 months means 186 wheel drums in one month and it is for 93 vehicles .
From next time I said I will send the reports please! I am told .Ok!
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