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Articles: My Thoughts | LOVE Your Kids
- Mr. Ratnakar Sadasyula
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Well being the father of two lovely and sweet daughters, I just wanted to share my observations on raising kids. I am not an expert on this topic, just giving you what my views are.
Why cant you be like him/her?: “Why don’t you learn from A, she is a topper in her class?” , “ Look at B, he is so smart and active, why cant you be the same?” . Nothing hurts kids more than being compared with other kids. We hated it as kids, when our parents compared us with some one, and yet today most of us are grown up, having kids and we do the same mistake. Keep in mind that your child will always be different from other children, and when you have two kids, both of them will be different. No purpose is served, by constant comparison, that they are not as good as others. It creates a sort of inferiority complex and makes them resentful. Yes some benchmarks need to be set, but constant reminding that your kid is not as good as other kids, will in no way serve the purpose.
Read to them: Too often parents nowadays are too busy to read to their kids. The mother is usually busy watching TV serials, fathers are too busy working. Take some time off and read to your kids. Show them pictures, show them images in newspapers. Tell them what it is about. As parents we spend money on expensive clothes, toys which don’t have any utility beyond a year, yet we don’t show any interest in buying a good book, which can last for a lifetime. I have bought a fair amount of books for my daughter and read to her. She is just 3 years old, but can identify the planets, identify any type of animal, point out places on a map, knows all the part of my laptop. She is not a child prodigy, but I just made sure I would read to her, and spend time with her on books.
Kids are curious: Children have a natural curiosity for everything. They want to know how the TV works, how the sun rises, how the bird flies. They want to know the names of animals, of countries, and its to you that they will look up to satisfy their curiosity. Now you need not be a walking talking encyclopedia, nor do you need not known everything, but the least you can do is help them in satisfying their curiosity. Instead of spending time watching TV, spend time with them showing them how things work, or how the bird flies. Browse the net with them, show them the wonders of life and nature. Even if you are not able to answer every question of theirs, show interest in their queries. In today’s age thanks to TV and Internet, kids are exposed to a lot of information, good or bad, we need to ensure that they receive the proper information.
Quality Time is a myth: I know many parents might not agree with me, but somehow I never subscribe to this theory of Quality Time. I mean look you are not doing any favors, nor is this a professional thing, to speak of quality. As a parent you are duty bound to spend time with your kids, else its better not to have kids. Every minute you spend with your kids, is valuable by itself, so whats the concept of Quality Time, sorry I don’t go along with it. Planning how to spend time with your kids, is the dumbest thing, if you ask me honestly. Its not necessary that every moment you spend with them, should be productive and useful, you can relax, be spontaneous. Spend whatever time you have with your kids, but spend it with them.
The best Gift is Yourself: Too often parents have this attitude, that hey I give my kids expensive gifts, throw expensive parties, take them to fancy restaurants, so I love them and they should be proud of me. That’s the biggest self delusion if you ask me honestly. The kids need you more than anything else. They need your loving warmth and embrace. They need some one to tell them, that hey don’t worry, I am always with you. They need some one to comfort them when they are sad. They need some one to make them feel safe when they are scared. All those expensive gifts and parties can never replace the feeling of being with them. If you feel that by showering them with expensive gifts and parties, you are making up for your absence, that is what they will turn out to be. They don’t see you as some one with whom they can share their feelings, they simply see you at the end of the day, as some one who can give you their pocket money and some expensive toys.
Make them worldly wise: Nothing can be worse in the long run for your kid, by pampering them and making sure they are unaware of the ways of the world. From a young age teach your kids to be independent. Now being independent doesn’t mean that you leave them and say go do whatever you want. But teach them how to live in a real world. Start off with simple errands like fetching groceries from a shop, or cleaning up the house, or helping in cleaning your car. Don’t drop them in your car, ask them to take the school bus or van. This helps them to bond better with other people. Let them understand that the world is having different people, and we need to respect the differences. Else they are just going to grow up into flashy, arrogant brats.
LOVE your kids:
Love as in L(isten), O(bserve), V(erify) and E(mphathize).
Listen to your kids, they want to be heard, Observe what they do, don’t mollycoddle them, just see what they are doing, Verify with them that what they feel is right and finally Empathize with them. Your child has a tough day at school, empathize with him/ her, tell him/her how you often felt when you were a kid.
Your kids are the greatest treasure given to you. Nurture them, treat them well, and always be a friend to them. Earn their respect not through fear, but through genuine affection and love. Remember this, for your kid, you are the biggest hero and a role model. They look up to you for guidance, and they follow whatever you do. You need not be a Mahatma, but be a person to whom they can always turn to whenever in need.
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