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An ideal scheme for Indian Marriages
- Prof. Narasimham Brahmandam

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An ideal marriage scheme that suits India Child marriage (pre-puberty marriage) is no longer relevant in the present times. It existed in ancient and medieval times. Ancient authorities differed on the age of the bride. But a distinct preference for pre-puberty marriages was there. Early marriages might have been expected to give better acclimatization of the brides to their new environment, if we catch them young. Perhaps the ancients might have feared that if the girls were not married before they could understand sex, they would be increasingly drawn into marriage outside the caste. (They held caste as sacred.. According to them, the worst misery that could befall on mankind due to war was that due to the dearth of males killed in war, women may be driven to immorality and to marry outside their caste. vide Bhagavatgiita on the ravages of war: “striishu dushtasu…. jayate varna sankarah” which means that if women become immoral, mixing of castes will result. During the medieval times, there was also fear of abduction and rape of unmarried girls. The risk seems to be no less probable in these days also. Early marriages also seem to have been the result of the great emphasis laid on the virginity of the bride in thought, word and deed. From the time of puberty, boys and girls would begin to entertain thoughts of sex. The thoughts are invariably centered round a person (imaginary, a film hero, a close associate or a good looking class mate). This is looked upon by the puritans as mental straying and considered as undesirable as actual pre-marital affairs. Early marriage would offer a socially accepted ‘target’ for the rousing sexual thoughts of youngsters, thus stalling to a large extent straying of the mind. With rising age of marriage, the problem of unwed mothers is bound to come up. To hide their misconduct and avoid social stigma, they resort to abortion or abandoning the child to join the hordes of orphans. Since the society is generally indifferent and unsympathetic to such children, they get punished for the indiscretion of their mothers. The wider use of contraceptives can to some extent push the problem under the carpet. The whole question ultimately seems to boil down to the chastity aspect of the problem which has to be discussed frankly without prefixed inhibitions. In other words, modern society has to decisively define its stand on premarital chastity of men and women. Discussions on this matter are often not transparent and adopt a wishful hope that boys and girls are all self-restrained and prudent. The discussion appears to be afraid of facing the truth. Some advanced countries seem to have reconciled themselves to ‘premarital sex’ during courting and condone (even commend) it as incidental to adult marriages. In the case of boys, mental straying in adolescents is not held so objectionable as in girls. Novels, stories and films incite the boys to misadventure in real life. In a tradition bound country like India, such foolhardy ventures lead them into trouble or at least failures. That causes frustration which is vicariously expressed in acts of vandalism. Some people believe that, probably, this is one of the reasons for campus unrest. Married students seldom participate in such destructive acts. One of the arguments put forward against child marriages is the possibility of widowhood at a young age. The probability of a boy’s premature death does not depend on the time of his marriage. At any rate, if remarriage of widows becomes more acceptable as a result of persisting reformist zeal, the argument loses its force. Another argument in the context of nuclear families is that the boy, who is usually the earning partner of the couple, has to settle in life with a comfortable earning before he can risk taking the burden of a family. The shift from an agrarian economy to trade and industrial economy takes the son away from the joint family. It is a strong factor in favor of marriage after settling in life. By far, the strongest argument in favor of delayed marriages, in the present context of population explosion, is that later the marriage, less the probable number of children. The following pattern of marriage has been prepared in keeping with tradition of the country which lays great stress on chastity, the need for population control, and merging the good points of early marriages and avoiding the bad points, considering also the increasing number of women getting employed. It is to serve our indigenous needs and not to blindly follow the west. Sociologists, physicians and politicians may discuss the matter and arrive at conclusions. 1. The parents of the boy and girl fix the match on the basis of (a) the absence of genetic defects or heritable diseases in both the families (b) the equality of status of both the families, and (c) the ambitions of the parents about the boy and the girl. 2. The betrothal or promise of marriage (nischitartham) will be performed at an early age of about 12-13 years of the girl and 16-17 years of the boy. 3. The girl will be with her parents till she completes her education (at least to Master’s level or equivalent) By this time, she would be about 23 years old. During this long period, the boy and the girl are given opportunities to visit each other for festivals and vacations and talk and play with each other, (preferably under the surveillance of the parents), and cultivate love and understanding between each other.. If, unfortunately, disagreement arises, the match can be broken off without the compunction of breaking a marriage. If, perchance, the couple does engage in sex, it would not be a serious matter as they are deemed wife and husband. 4. After the girl completes her education, at the age of 23 or 24 the marriage will be performed with full religious rites and registration. She will then join the husband who by that time would have begun earning. 5. They will beget a child and then either one or both will get sterilized for contraception. The mother will give the child her milk, affection and training. at a time when it is most needed. 6. By the time the lady is 30 years, the child would join a school. Then she can take up a job, if she so chooses. She can attend to the job without interruption of maternity. She will be old enough not to be molested by Romeos or detract colleagues from work. 7. The government may enact legislation raising the maximum age limit for women for employment to 30 and gather women votes in the next election. I commend the scheme for a wide discussion on all aspects concerned. I wish this pattern comes into vogue in India.

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