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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.' -------------------------------------------------------------- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. ------------------------------------------------------------- A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, 'I've found a woman just like mother!' His father replied, 'So what do you want from me, sympathy?' ----------------------------------------------------------------- A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' And the father replied, 'I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it.' ----------------------------------------------------------- First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' ---------------------------------------------------------------- When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best? She answered: My husband's cheque book. --------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after you let him in! --------------------------------------------------------------- A woman was telling her friend, 'I made my husband a millionaire.' 'And what was he before you married him?' asked the friend. The woman replied, 'A billionaire.' ----------------------------------------------------------------- My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, soft music, good food..... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ---------------------------------------------------------------- I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'Somewhere I have never been!' I told her, 'How about the kitchen?' ---------------------------------------------------------------- A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled 'It really works!' ----------------------------------------------------------------- Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. ---------------------------------------------------------------- 'Honey,' said a husband to his wife, 'I invited a friend home for supper.' 'What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!' 'I know all that.' 'Then why did you invite a friend for supper?' 'Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.' ---------------------------------------------------------------- A man was taking flying lessons. The instructor told him not to talk during the lesson. So, once down on the ground and the lesson over for the day, the instructor says, 'Congratulations, you didn't utter a word. I can't believe it!' The man says, 'Well, I almost did when my wife fell out'! ---------------------------------------------------------------- A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, 'If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!' The wife replied, 'My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here.' --------------------------------------------------------------- A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, 'If you don't promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife.' The poor man wrote back, ' I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.' ------------------------------------------------------------- 'What's the matter, you look depressed.' 'I'm having trouble with my wife.' 'What happened?' 'She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days.' 'But that ought to make you happy.' 'It did, but today is the last day.' --------------------------------------------------------------- A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?' The first man approached him and said, 'Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?' The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, 'My wife's first husband.'

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