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Articles: My Thoughts | Affection with some one. Different attitudesAffection with some one. Different attitudes
- Mr. Arun Vedula
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Affection with some one. Different attitudes
A very delicate topic…we love someone near to us to some extent.
What is that extent? With whom? What type of relation is that?
Is it the love within the family members or between a teacher and a student or Between two friends.... In general I will say ‘Beloved Ones’ What others feel about it? What are our expectations with the beloved ones? …Etc.
There are various people with various attitudes and sentiments. Its a natural attitude to imagine / feel to know how much the other person cares for us, how much they like us and how much they miss us in our absence? How many times they remember us?
Do they display the love only when we are with them or really even in our absence also they really love us?
Some people try to test it by various means. Some people try to get the sympathy by doing some thing bad to them self, pretending that they are not at all bothered, or showing ill health or various other means. Some of them (techniques) might look very mean or cheep. Some times they are not bothered even if it hurts their beloved ones.
I know a person (in fact my own uncle) who was frustrated after he watched his neighbor’s grandson.
The 4 yrs kid caught fever because he was missing his Grand father. He was very close to his Grandfather who went out of station for 2 days.
Now can you imagine my Uncles frustration?
He was feeling very bad that his own 4 yrs Grand daughter never caught fever when he was away. Does it mean that he wants his granddaughter to get fever? ..No.
But it is his mean mind that he feels that only if the child is getting sick, he/she is missing him.
I have seen my friend who loves a girl and just to know how much she loves him he eat some medicines and fell sick. There are people who cut their figures (partly) or jump from a Not-So-danger height…etc. Any how that’s a different type of madness..
My interest now in the affection between two friends…
It may be between a male and a female or between the same genders.
I had a class mate who was not having too many friends ..and was little bit possessive.
He was a good friend of a girl who was my best friend. Now that fellow has a typical attitude with her. He was feeling jealous if she talks to any other friend.
He will feel bad within himself and will become possessive. He always wanted her to speak to him alone. Since he was a good friend and they had a healthy friendship, my friend always tried to convince him. She tried to make him understand that he is no doubt a good friend but others are also equally good friends and we should enjoy each and every moment all together. But all in vain ..he will behave as if he lost the world, He has nothing else left with him … and some or other way tries to get her sympathy.
Now with this type of attitude he never knew how much he is hurting her. In fact he felt very happy when ever she wept because of his attitude. That’s because he was getting convinced that since she is weeping she really cares him…what a Stupid feeling..
Such type of people feel that they should have whole sole proprietary of the beloved one. Loving others is not wrong but having too many expectations from the loved ones is too bad. This might be Ok in the beginning but soon the friend gets frustrated with this type of attitude and starts ignoring.
If you really like a friend, you should never hurt him/her. Loving a person is our right but asking the other person to love you equally and dedicatedly is a very wrong way of thinking. If we really care for some one , we should understand & respect their feelings.
They have their own life to enjoy in a different way. You can not impose some thing on a friend for your benefit. The more good friends you get the more space in your heart gets accommodated. Friendship grows when we share it equally.
Definitely in some occasions the friend might like to accompany you and in other occasions he/she might like to accompany some other friend. You cannot expect a friend to share every thing with you and always be with you.
I had a neighbor; she was an old lady who stays alone and away from her children for the love with the own house. She had some 6-7 children and all were staying far away . They stay so far that it was really not possible for them to visit frequently.
They had their own responsibilities with children’s studies marriages, jobs etc. Even though insisted her to stay with one of them.. she was rigid and firm on her decision. Now when she sees other people enjoying with their sons and daughters, she misses her family and then she sends telegram to all the sons saying ‘ Mother serious, start immediately’ Poor guys , some of them decide to stay back and some of them immediately cancel all other works and start for a 3 days long journey.
It effects their children’s studies, their leave days, money …everything. Once they come they know that she wanted to test if really they care her. So this is another type of Love and affection which some people express.
Some people spend money/time like any thing just to show how much they like their friend. Some try to put obligations to make sure that they spend most of the time with them. I am sure most of might have faced/seen such instances.
Mainly this type of things happen in the youth.
Pretending sadness, stop talking for some time, showing annoyance , crying and scolding themselves for being so cruel(for nothing), etc….And then finally convincing each other, telling sorry, giving gifts/hugs again crying (for a cause of the come back) etc…..
To some extent it’s a different excitement and different experience which most of the youth likes. Every thing seems to be good …I don’t deny ….Even at times I had such experiences and sure all of us face it with some or other person..
But above certain extent … people forget their primary responsibilities. For an instance, students forget that apart of such fun (which now doubt is required and is natural) they have their carrier ….They might have other household responsibilities….They cannot waste time at the cost of the responsibilities.
One of my class mate started weeping on farewell day because he will be missing all the friends who are so close. He was even saying he will not be able to survive with out friends.
I have a very good friends (I am always proud of them) and I agree that having friends is really good and great. But I have a question…Our parents who gave birth to us and then struggled/sacrificed many things in their whole life for us to grow…We all love our parents and I am sure there is no love greater than the motherly love. For the career/studies/job we stay away from parents and still we are surviving. We certainly miss our families and beloved ones … but still we are able to manage.
When we can stay away from parents then why not this gentleman can survive without friends…We definitely miss them all ... and friends are assets but don’t you think that should be the secondary and achieving parents dreams is the primary need?
One more type of affection is as follows :
There was a friend Kailash (just to make my sentences easy I am giving dummy names) walking with Prakash and another friend(a girl .. say Rani). All three were very good friends and care for each other. Literally true friends. All three were roaming inside an exhibition ground and lot of rush was there.
Suddenly Kailash started staying behind and was very much upset even he asked Prakash to walk behind or little bit away from Rani.
Prakash asked what’s the matter then Kailash says that one group of youth were following them and are trying to tease Rani… So he stayed back so that seeing her alone they will try teasing her and then Prakash and Kailash may attack them and teach them a lesson.
If he really cares for Rani .. he would have walked along with Rani so that the gang will never try to tease her. Instead he wanted to give opportunity to the gang and then he wanted to show his heroism. His intension is just to teach lesson to the gang and also to prove how much he care for friends.
See his stupid tendency …even though he really never wants to hurt her.
Loving others doesn’t mean that we should chant his/her name 24 hrs.
If you really love someone, pray good for him/her. When ever possible do good for him/her. Whenever required help them, take care of them. But never ever pray/wish for some thing bad of them just because you want to prove how much you care.
Some thing like starting to smoke just to show that you can quit smoking after sometimes.
There is no limit of such behaviors and attitudes and it really differ for each individual. I expressed just some of the sensitive issues that I observed. I might have used some rash words but its just to express the severity and not to hurt anyone. I welcome some more such examples/ideas/comments from the readers.
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