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Articles: My Thoughts | Forgiveness
- Ms. Madhu c
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Forgiveness is a conscious choice, an intentional decision to see things differently. There are many ways to define forgiveness, because forgiveness is many things. It is a decision, an attitude, a process, and a way of life. It is something we offer others and accept for ourselves.
Forgiveness is a decision to see beyond the limits of another’s personality. It is the decision to see beyond fears, neuroses, and mistakes to see a pure essence, unconditioned by personal history that has limitless potential and is always worthy of respect and love. It is a choice to see light instead of lampshade.
Forgiveness is an attitude that implies that you are willing to accept responsibility for your perceptions, realizing that your perceptions are a choice and not an objective fact. A consequence of realizing that your perceptions are a choice is that as you change your perceptions, your emotional reactions change as well.
Forgiveness is a process that requires shifting your perceptions again and again. It is rarely a one time event. Our habitual vision is clouded with the judgments and perceptions of the past projected on the present. The word forgive implies, to let go, to release, and to cease harboring the past. Forgiveness is often experienced as a feeling of joyfulness, peacefulness, love and open-heartedness, ease, confidence, freedom and lightness and a sense of rightness.
Forgiveness is a way of life that gradually transforms us from being helpless victims of our circumstances to being powerful and loving co-creators of our reality. As a way of life forgiveness involves commitment to experiencing each moment uncluttered by past perceptions seeing each moment freshly, clearly and without fear. Forgiveness teaches us that we can resolutely disagree with someone without withdrawing our love. It guides us to where peace is not a stranger to us. It empowers us to know our true strength.
What forgiveness is not….
Forgiveness is not condoning negative, inappropriate behavior - our own or someone else’s. Abuse, violence, aggression, betrayal, and dishonesty are just some of the behaviors that may be completely unacceptable. Forgiveness does not mean you support or approve the behaviors that has caused you pain, nor does it prelude taking action to change a situation or protect your rights. It is also not pretending everything is just fine when you feel it isn’t. Sometimes the difference between truly forgiving and denying anger and hurt can be deceptive. Genuine forgiveness cannot be offered is anger and resentment are denied or ignored.
Forgiveness is not assuming an attitude of superiority of self righteousness. If you forgive someone because you pity them or consider foolish or stupid, you have confused forgiveness with arrogance and being judgmental. Forgiveness does not mean you will or you must change your behavior. Also it does not require that you verbally communicate directly to the person you have forgiven. The most obvious for forgiving is to relieve ourselves of the debilitating effects of chronic anger and resentment. These are the most apparent emotions that make forgiveness a challenge as well as a welcome possibility for anyone wanting greater peace. And most of all anger and resentment are powerful emotions that consume our energy in many ways.
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