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Articles: My Thoughts | Jealousy and Insecurity
- Ms. kiran A
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Another common distinction between jealousy and envy is that envy is the desire for something in general (one envies a friend's new bike), whereas jealousy is the desire to have something in particular, and to take it from someone else (one is jealous of a friend's girlfriend/boyfriend).
Rivalry is when no one yet possesses the thing you desire (a particular person or position or status) and there is keen competition for the desired goal. Obviously, all of these feelings increase as our desire--our desperation--for the 'prize' increases. Jealousy is the most intense. It involves having something highly valued and losing it to the competition--that hurts, angers, and shames us. The greater the threat, the more intense the jealousy.
It is important to distinguish jealousy from envy. To oversimplify, JEALOUSY is angry, ENVY is wistful. Jealousy is destructive,envy rarely is.
How we perceive the threat influences the jealousy; thus, men and women have somewhat different experiences. A jilted man gets mad at the other male; a jilted woman dwells on the loss of her partner's commitment and love.
I read some where that ,there is some evidence that men have a more intense jealousy response to losing a loved one than women do, and they take more time to get over it .jealousy was a sign of inconsiderate possessiveness and immaturity, that we were selfishly restricting our partner's love for everyone. Certainly many people tried gallantly to suppress jealous feelings while being open and modern 'swingers,' but many failed. At the same time, there were arguments that jealousy was a natural, inevitable, and useful reaction.
Jealousy is Insecurity
INSECURITY, as used below, just means a lack of security. It does not imply that the insecure person is bad, or good. It does not imply that the insecurity is warranted or unwarranted. It simply means that the person is not secure, either in themselves, their relationship or in what they have .
This is an important point. Feelings of jealousy always appear to stem from one's sense that something about their life is not secure, e.g., is uncertain or in danger.Since we tend to become more secure in relationships as they become more stable with time, you may find that time is your ally in dealing with jealousy.
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