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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Shital's | |
| Saddam Hussain approached God and asked him, "When will peace return to my country?"
God answered, "You can never see peace in your country during your lifetime."
Saddam wept bitterly and walked away.
Nawaz Sharif approached God and asked,"When can I see a united Pakistan with Kashmir?"
God said,"You can never annex Kashmir during your life time." Sharif wept and walked away.
Laloo Prasad approached God and asked, "When will Bihar become a civilised state?"
God wept bitterly and said,"I can never see that happening during my life time."
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 9, Dec 2002 4:51:45 AM IST
Movies and their meaning to s/w professionals-
Sajan Chale Sasural : Computer professional coming to US.
1942 a Love story : Sticking to one company for more than a year.
Dil to Pagal Hai : Staying in India, dreaming of US.
Sapnay : Green card.
Sadma : Rejected H-1(B) Visa.
Khalnayak : Bodyshoppers.
Deewana Mastana : Project Manager - Team Leader.
Beta : Home Phone bill exceeding $400pm.
Rakhwala : Project Manager.
Mr. Bechara : Computer professional in Singapore.
Zanjeer : Company bond.
Himmatwala : Breaking company bond.
Tohfa : H-4 Visa for your Wife.
Mawaali : Before coming to US.
Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman : Once you are in US.
Chaudhvin ka Chand : Assembly programmer.
Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam : Client, your company and you.
Shehanshah : Bill Gates.
Admi Sadak Ka : Jumping from company to company.
Dayawan : Company paying full salary in bench
Anari : Year2000 programmer.
Phool Aur Kaanten : Microsoft - IBM.
Aaj Ka Gunda Raaj : Microsoft Monopoly in IT market.
Maharaja : Doctors who came to US in 70's
Hairaan : Non-Computer professionals on seeing computer professional's pay-check.
Hum Aapke Hain Koun : Illegal Immigrants in US
Aur Pyar Ho Gaya : After staying in US for a Year.
Pardes : India after 2 Years.
Daud : Coming to US.
Rangeela : After getting Green Card.
Bahaar Aane Tak : Time period between Green Card and Citizenship.
Desh Premee : Going back to India for good
Farz : Going to India every year.
Pyaasa : Longing for a Visa.
Agneepath : Going to Madras Consulate for getting a Visa.
Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar : After coming from consulate with a Visa.
Bud Naseeb : Not getting a Visa
Himalaya Putra : Firmly asking for $70k from India
Elan-E-Jung : Asking for increment
Gupt : Agreement of Programmer with number of consultants
. Zakmee : After getting rejected twice for a Visa.
Swarg Se Sundar : on landing in US.
Ab Kya Hoga? : Applied for Green Card too late.
Jallad : INS People.
Kranti : Increase H-1 quota.
Main Khiladi Tu Anari : You and Immigration Officer.
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 3, Dec 2002 6:13:43 AM IST
Signs of recession and slow down in IT industry, the companies have redefined themselves as...
WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
HP : Hen Pecked
AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
BFL : Brainwash First, and Let them go
DELL : Deplorable Equipment & Lackluster
TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd
PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
PCL : Poor Computers Ltd
SPARC : Simply Poor And Redundant Computers
SUN : Surely Useless Novelties
CRAY : Cry Repeatedly After an Year
TUL : Troubles Un Limited
CTS : Coffee, Tea and Snacks
ICIM : Impossible Computers In Maintenance
BPL : Below Poverty Line.
NIIT : Not Interested in IT
MBT : Monkey & Buffalo team
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 3, Dec 2002 6:03:43 AM IST
Top Ten Signs of an Indian in USA
Ten tips to recognize an Indian in USA:
1. She wears a frock, but has a pigtail
2. He searches for buttermilk in a supermarket
3. She searches for chilli powder in a supermarket
4. He talks a lot about the problems of living in India
5. She talks a lot about the unclean streets of India
6. He says the Indian politicians are the cause of underdevelopment
7. She says the Indian bureaucrats are the cause of inaction
8. He talks about the harassment at the airports in India
9. She talks about the cheapest air-fares to India
10. He and she jointly decide to go Macdonalds to eat french fries.
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 3, Dec 2002 5:45:59 AM IST
OSAMA (to AMITABH ): HOW ARE U???
AMITAB (REPLY): BAS KABHI KHUSHI KABHI GAM.
AMITABH(TO LADEN): APP KAISE HAIN???
OSAMS(REPLY): BAS KABHI GOLA KABHI BUM (BOMB).
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 26, Nov 2002 5:49:56 AM IST
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians meanwhile just used a pencil!!
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The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived.
The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".
At which a Clever Guy stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Ultimate Computer's microphone. "Where is my father"? he asked.
There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out. On it were printed the words "Fishing off Florida". Clever guy laughed. "Actually", he said, "my father is dead"! It had been a tricky question!!
The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?
Clever guy thought, went to the Ultimate Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband"?
Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words: "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.
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Posted by: Miss Shital At: 26, Nov 2002 5:44:56 AM IST
Nice Joke.
Posted by: Mr. G Ravinder At: 21, Nov 2002 0:43:02 AM IST
There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick between ur legs and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me between my legs and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could between his legs. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 21, Nov 2002 0:32:09 AM IST
Looks like u have a good collection of jokes with you.
I enjoy coming back everyday to check the latest joke u had posted.
Have a nice time. Ravi.
Posted by: Mr. G Ravinder At: 20, Nov 2002 0:25:11 AM IST
hahahahahah
they were too good shital!!
i always give a read-once to all ur postings!!
u have got bundles of good jokes!! good going!!take care ya...bye bye
Posted by: Mr. RAJESH M At: 19, Nov 2002 9:16:58 PM IST
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