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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Soft Humor ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
| No problem, any management or individual can screw only once !
Posted by: Mr. M Kumar N At: 24, Jan 2006 9:28:30 PM IST
Management Decisions
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K. Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an Auto Rickshaw. They met with an accident and
all three of them died. Yama was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt
that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decisionis made; and should not be just based on opinion or preconceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.
1. PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly.
2. Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes.
3. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell
"CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).
1. PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes.
2. Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
3. Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GRRRRRR....." Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and
that he would not take any more tests.
1. PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?".He replied "1947" and passed.
2. Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?" He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
3. It's Laloo's turn now.Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the independence struggle. Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story : IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE.
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 24, Jan 2006 9:13:31 PM IST
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training
session.Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a
good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring
for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An English girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey,
how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you."
"And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked?
"The one I asked for -- the English girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said, "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a
few months to see if it's a girl"
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 2, Dec 2005 3:17:21 AM IST
Ek Aadmi ne apni wife ko khat likha "Is mahine salary ke badle 100 kiss bhej raha hoon"
Wife ne jawab diya Aap key salary ke badle 100 kiss milay: Hisaab bhej rahi hoon-
1. Doodh wala 2 kiss mein maan gaya, 2. Teacher ko 7 deni padi. 3. Sabjiwala 7 mein nahin man is liye 9 deni padi. 4. Kiranewala sirf kiss se nahin mana - Usko aur kuch bhi diya. 5. Makaan malik to roj 6 - 7 ley jata hai. Aap chinta mat karna,mere paas abhi lagbhag 35 aur hai. Mahina aaram se kat jayega
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 25, Nov 2005 6:29:01 PM IST
Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was
traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the
monkey was intelligent enough to understand our
language and reply in actions. The officials went to
see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the
monkey.
Officer: "When the plane took off what were the
travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Tying their belts"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the system"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking for my people"
Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travelers
doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travelers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"
Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers
doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Nothing"
Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the
travelers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the air hostess "
Officer: what were you doing?
Monkey: handling the steering
Posted by: Mr. Bhoopal At: 5, Aug 2005 3:00:16 PM IST
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because
that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.
Wife replies,
"No,you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him the top of several pages, that it indeed says...."HEBREWS"(HE BREWS)
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 5, Aug 2005 2:50:41 PM IST
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 5, Aug 2005 2:45:18 PM IST
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles,and the next day she became his stepmother.
Posted by: Mr. manoopuli At: 5, Aug 2005 2:39:45 PM IST
A blonde girl takes a plane to Dallas. She sees the empty first class seats, goes and sits in one of them. Air Hostess notices that and requests her to go back to her coach seat. Blonde girls refuses. So Air hostess goes and complains to Captain on the Blonde girl. Captain then says 'My wife is Blonde and I know how to tackle them.'
Captain goes and whispers in Blonde girl's ear, she gets up and goes back to her coach seat. Amazed by this, Air hostess asks the Captain what did he whisper. Captain smiles and says 'I told her that coach is going to Dallas, but First Class is going to Houston' :)
Posted by: Mr. Srinivas Turlapati At: 29, Jul 2005 6:51:27 PM IST
Two students comes late to the class. The teacher asks why they are late.
1st student replies: I lost my quarter(1/4 dollor) and searching for it.
Teacher asks 2nd student why he is late.
He replies : I was standing on that quarter.
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 29, Jul 2005 6:44:41 PM IST
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