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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Today's Joke | |
| Boy:Mummy,how far have you studies?
Mom:Till B.A.
Boy: Oh Mum!You have studied only two letters of the alphabet and that too in the wrong order.
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 23, Sep 2002 11:40:44 AM IST
Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket.
When Santa tried to pick it up the photograph slipped under a woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph"
The rest is history.
He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.
He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel.
So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" Daughters?".
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"
Banta replied," I wanted to stay here for a night....."
The rest is history.
Posted by: Mr. M.S.Reddy At: 21, Sep 2002 11:44:32 AM IST
Santa Singh came to New Delhi and wanted to do shopping at Janpath. His delhiite friend told him that the prices are usually hiked up and he should bargain for half the price.
Santa Singh went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs.
Santa Singh asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give the stereo for Rs.1800 for which Santa Singh told no,no only Rs.900.
Vendor said "ok, i will give it for 1500 Rs" and our Santa Singh bargained for Rs.750.
It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation and thinking that this stupid Sardar is not going to buy anything. He is just wasting my time. He said he will give the stereo for free.
Santa asked whether he will give two.
Vendor now realising that the sardar is out to have some fun and really not interested in buying anything. Vendor agreed.
Santa said now he wants to have the whole shop.
Posted by: Mr. M.S.Reddy At: 21, Sep 2002 11:40:38 AM IST
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily.
After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the Sardar replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, 'Wash Basin' ".
Posted by: Mr. M.S.Reddy At: 21, Sep 2002 11:35:57 AM IST
EK baar ek plane mein ek muslim, ek hindu, ek sardar aur ek american ja rahe hain. Suddenly plane ka ek engine goes bad. So everybody is advised to jump. But they find out that there are no parachutes on the plane.
Sardar being a little bold sochta hai saale marna to hai hi why not try something, vo apni turban kholta hai aur dono ends pakad ke jump laga deta hai. Luckily idea kaam kar jaata hai aur vo float karne lag jaata hai.
Seeing this hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and does the same, he also starts floating. Now Muslim also removes his kurta and does the same and he too starts floating. Now comes American's turn Poor chap is wearing a torn Bermudas and a tattered baniyan type T-shirt. Anyway he also removes them ties everything up and jumps.
Now he starts falling very quickly.
On the way to the ground he passes the Mohammedan, Who says "Allah tumhari khair kare", then he passes Pandit. Pandit says "Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare".
Now when he quickly passes Sardar, Sardar says "accha race lagana hai, to le" and he lets go of the turban.
Posted by: Mr. M.S.Reddy At: 21, Sep 2002 11:35:00 AM IST
The Brain Teasers
Q: How do you measure a surd's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear!
Q: Why do surds wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SURD BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Q: A surd going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SURD THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: How do you make a surd laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the surd doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the surd stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do surds work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.
Q: Why did god give surds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How does a surd measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
Q: How do you make a surd laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
Q: How do you confuse a surd?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you keep a surd in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you keep a surd busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Why can't surds make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How did the surd try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: What's the difference between a surd and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why do men like surd jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why do surds wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: How many surds does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. Heholds the bulb and the world revolves around hin.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: What does a surd say when you ask his if his blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you get when you offer a surd a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call a surd in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a surd in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart surd?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
Q: What do you see when you look into a surd's eyes?
A: The back of his head.
Q: What do you do when a surd throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a surd have in common?
A1: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
A2: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.
Q: What does a surd and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What is surd's cheer?
A: " I'm surd, I'm surd, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm surd, I'm surd, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why are surds hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't surds put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a surd in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: Whats the difference between a Surd and a Supermarket Trolley.
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: What was the surd psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: Why is the surd's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.
Q: GUY ASKED HIS SURD WIFE"HOW DID YOU GET THE CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM"?
A: She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
Q: SOMEONE ASKED IF A SURD BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."
A surd's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm surd!"
SURD #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
SURD #2: "No, who wrote it?"
What about the surd wife who gave birth to twins?
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
SURD: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
SURD: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
Posted by: Mr. M.S.Reddy At: 21, Sep 2002 11:27:08 AM IST
Banta Singh, wanting to rob State Bank of Patiala, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." on the back of a deposit slip.
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that some-one had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the bank and crossed the street to State Bank of India. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the SBI teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a State Bank of Patiala deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a State Bank of India deposit slip or go back to State Bank of Patiala.
Looking somewhat defeated, Banta said "OK" and left. The SBI teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at State
Posted by: Mr. M.S.Reddy At: 21, Sep 2002 11:25:28 AM IST
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says,"Normally, one is
granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to
be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.
"Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to
be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.
"Pfufffff, and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said,"I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"
Moral of the story is:
: "Always allow the bosses to speak first"
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 21, Sep 2002 11:15:55 AM IST
*****FORM******
One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon
tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital
(Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form.
So the couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing ?"
Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.
The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.
So once again young couple curiously asked - "What are you doing here ?"
Sardarji once again replied I had a baby and Iam filling the birth certificate form.
The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi?
Sardarji cooly replied It is written here - "FILL IN CAPITALS"
Posted by: Mr. Manish Kumar N At: 20, Sep 2002 8:10:01 PM IST
chala bagundi aruna
Posted by: Mr sudheer kuppam At: 20, Sep 2002 7:07:07 PM IST
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