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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Shital's | |
| Q:) What frustrates a Sardar?
A:) When his wife delivers twins & he can't find the father of the second child
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Once one sardar and one pathan were traveling in one train.
Sardar was trying to open his suitcase to take out his night dress. But he was unable to open it. Pathan came and opened the suitcase & said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After an hour sardar was busy in opening his lunch box. But he could not opened it. Pathan came, opened the box & said "Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After some time sardar was trying to open door of toilet but he couldn't . Again Pathan came and opened it with one kick and said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai"
This time sardar was to angry he asked pathan "oye muzhe ek gal bata, teri ma junge gayi thi ya sher tere ghar aaya tha?" and went off.
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 19, Nov 2002 8:45:32 PM IST
These is the actual phrases Siddhu says sometimes in his cricket commentry.
* There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an oncoming train which will run them over.
* Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
* Kenya in South Africa was like a mountain having labour pains.
* India look like a crippled cobra whose fangs are clipped.
* Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!
* If ifs and buts were pots and pans, there would be no tinkers!
* That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.
* 'Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
* Sri Lankan score ! is running like an Indian taxi meter.
* He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
* The gap between bat and pad is so much that I would have driven a car through it!
* The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.
* The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.
* He is a dibbly dobbly bowler.
* The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
* Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child in a topless bar!
* The way indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala..one falls and everything else falls!
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 19, Nov 2002 7:27:50 PM IST
A jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him, then a test: clean the floor. "You are engaged" he said, give me your e-mail address, and I'll send you the application to fill, as well as when you will start.
The man replied " I don't have a computer, neither an email" I'm sorry, said the HR manager, if you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only 10US$ in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, He succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with 60 US$. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late.
Thus, his money doubles or triples every day. Shortly later, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the U. S. He started to plan his family's future, and
decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and choose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied: ' I don't have an email'.
The broker replied curiously, you don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Do you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!
The man thought for a while, and replied: an office boy at Microsoft.
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 19, Nov 2002 7:13:56 AM IST
Luvly one Shital.
keep posting and keep smiling along with us
regds
Kalyan
Posted by: Mr. Kalyan Chakravarthy At: 18, Nov 2002 12:23:57 PM IST
A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. Where the hell have you been?" "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"
Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway.
At least your conscience is clear.
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 16, Nov 2002 9:17:23 PM IST
Shittal, r u going to post jokes everyday here?
Posted by: Mr. G Ravinder At: 15, Nov 2002 4:52:07 AM IST
Heloo Miss. Shital
is this a joke...?
Posted by: Ms chandra rao At: 15, Nov 2002 0:04:27 AM IST
FILMY POLITICS
---------------
* ATAL BIHARI VAJPAYEE - HERO NO.1
* JAYALALITHA - ABHI TO MAIN JAWAN HOON
* BAL THACKREY - SHER-E-HINDUSTAN
* SONIA GANDHI - AUNTY NO.1
* I.K.GUJRAL - MOHRA
* P.V.NARSIMHA RAO - AKELA
* T.N.SHESHAN - SHERDIL
* VEERAPPAN - JUNGLE MAIN MANGAL
* K.P.S.GILL - RANGEELA
* DAWOOD IBRAHIM - RAFOO CHAKKAR
* CHANDRABABU NAIDU - KABHI HAA KABHI NAA
* SUSHMA SWARAJ - SHERNI
* MAYAWATI - MISS-420
* MAYAWATI AND KANSHI RAM - EK DUJE KE LIYE
* KALYAN SINGH - BAAZIGAR
* LALOO PRASAD YADAV - MERI BIWI KA JAWAB NAHI
* RABRI DEVI - PATI PATNI AUR WOH (KURSI)
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 14, Nov 2002 10:07:38 PM IST
A guy from Uttar Pradesh (UP) was away from his family for about 4 years while his wife was in Jaunpur (UP). At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son...
His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this "happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years... The man said it is common in UP that neighbours take care of the wife (good samaritans) when men are away. The colleagues asked Whatname
will you give to the son?"
The man explained, "If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be DWIVEDI;
If it is the third neighbour then it would be TRIVEDI,
If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be CHATURVEDI;
If its the fifth neighbour then it would be PANDEY...
After listening to this, questions followed. What if it is a mixture of neighbours? "Then the boy would be named MISHRA"...
And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? "hen it would be SHARMA"...
But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? "Then thename of the child would be GUPTA"...
If she does not remember the name then? "It is YAAD-AV...
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? "Then it will be named DOSHI"...
Finally, if the child happened because of wife's burning desire for sex, then he will be named JOSHI...
And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival .... DESHPANDEY
Posted by: Miss Shital At: 14, Nov 2002 3:38:56 PM IST
You are a desi when:
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You keep switching your internet service provider because first month is free.
You have a bucket in your bath tub.
You have taken pictures of your car and mailed to your folks back home.
You've bookmarked immigration web pages in your browser.
You have collected enough frequent flier miles for a international trip.
You ask for small drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free.
You talk to Americans as if you represent your whole country.
You ask before eating any meat "Is this beef?".
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C-CASH
R-REGARDING FIXING OF
I-INDIAN MATCHES BY
C-CRICKETERS, ABETED BY
K-KAPIL,TO UNDERPLAY TO
E-END AND
T-THROW THE MATCH.
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Posted by: Miss Shital At: 13, Nov 2002 3:18:33 PM IST
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