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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Sardar jokes-4 | |
| INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and
capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was
crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence
secrets.
The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the
sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of
the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net)
He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off
quickly.
The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His freinds ask him "Yaar thu
maachar
daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies
"Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte,
goli kahan se ghussenghi?
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh (No
Assumptions Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding
the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but
out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo
away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the
hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal
thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya" Gani
Singh replies "aare yaar main tho Mosquito repelling cream lage ke gaya tha"!
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 22, Nov 2002 3:35:35 PM IST
God bless!
Sardars came?
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 22, Nov 2002 3:29:28 PM IST
now i understood why sardhars come to tp.com
Posted by: Mrs. kala ch At: 22, Nov 2002 3:27:04 PM IST
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
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What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
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What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
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Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
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A Surd I know is not bothered about the petrol price hike. He says he always fills up for Rs.50/-.
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All soft drink bottles used by Surds carry the following message at the bottom - "Open from the other side."
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Q) Which is the smallest book in the world ?
A) Sardar geniuses.
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Why do Sardars drink milk at the departmental store itself :
Ans: b'cos it says "open here " on the satchet.
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COLOR TV
Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
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COUNT THE CHICKEN
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a
country road. Hari Singh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder.
"Hey Bhai," Gani Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply.
"If I guess how many, can I have one?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"
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Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
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How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
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Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
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How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
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"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
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What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
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Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a
regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
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Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 22, Nov 2002 3:21:45 PM IST
Why are surd hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
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When is it legal to shoot a surd in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
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Whats the difference between a surd and a Supermarket Trolley ?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
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A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
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What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.
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Someone asked a surd if he believed in smoking.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."
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Surd #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Surd #2: "No, who wrote it?"
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Surd: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
Surd: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
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A surd was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, he said to himself "oh well !" and turned around and drove back home.
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Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
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Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
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Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 22, Nov 2002 3:20:51 PM IST
Biography of a Sardar
Read this biography of a sardar
When God passed out looks,
I thought He said books, and I didn't want any.
When God passed out ears,
I thought He said beers, and I asked for two long ones.
When God passed out legs,
I thought He said kegs, and I asked for two fat ones.
When God passed out noses,
I thought He said roses, and I asked for a big red one.
When God passed out heads,
I thought He said beds, and I asked for a big soft one.
When God passed out brains,
I thought he said trains, and I missed mine.
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 22, Nov 2002 3:14:38 PM IST
Surds Moms Letter
Pyaaaray Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last sardar who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetary. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an uncle or an aunty.
Your Uncle Jatinder fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. the driver got out- he rolled the window down and swam to safety. The other two friends drowned as the couldn' get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 22, Nov 2002 3:11:24 PM IST
Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak.
In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark. They hear a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.
When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"
The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old woman than me."
The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped."
And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss the back of my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier."
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 22, Nov 2002 3:10:26 PM IST
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