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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Little Johny jokes | |
| Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND..."
Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.
So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go
into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt,
then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on
the seat, and "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 15, Jul 2003 11:12:45 PM IST
A nursery school teacher asks her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
The first little girl answers, "The sky is definitely blue,"
but the teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange, or purple and pink."
A second little boy answers, "Trees are
definitely green."
The teacher says, "Sorry,Timmy, but in
the autumn, the trees are brown."
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have
lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK", says Johnny,
"then I have DEFINITELY shit in my pants!"
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 14, Jul 2003 10:33:50 PM IST
Little Johnny is visiting the zoo with his mother. They go to the elephant exhibit, where a big old bull elephant is taking a leak. Johnny points to the pachyderm`s privates and says, "Mommy, what`s that?" Mommy, seeing the huge penis, turns bright red and says, "Oh, that`s nothing. Never
mind. Come along now." A few weeks later, Johnny is at the zoo with his father. Johnny grabs his dad by the hand, and pulls him over the elephants, saying he has a question. Once there, Johnny points to the elephant`s penis and says, "Daddy, what`s that?" Dad replies, "Didn`t your mother tell you?" "Yes, she told me it was nothing."
"Well, That's true. That's nothing for your mother."
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 14, Jul 2003 10:28:57 PM IST
A salesman rang the door bell and little Johnny answered. The salesman asked if his father was at home. Little Johnny: "Yes." The salesman: "Well, can I see him please?" Little Johnny: "No, he is in the shower." The Salesman asked if his mother was at home. Little Johnny: "Yes." The Salesman: "Well can I see her?" Little Johnny: "No, she's in the shower too.." The Salesman: "Do you think they will be out soon?" Little Johnny: "No." The salesman asked why. Little Johnny: "Well, when my dad asked me for the vaseline I gave him some super glue instead."
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 13, Jul 2003 10:32:31 PM IST
There is a teacher teaching sex ed to a bunch of 5th graders. She walks to the chalk board and raws a huge penis on the board! She truns to the class and simply asked the
class, "Class, does and one know what that is?" The class sits silently for a second or two than little johnny stands from the back! He yells, "I know what that is! It's a PENIS! I know cause my dad's got two!" "The small one he pee's from, the big one he brushs the babysitters teeth with!"
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 13, Jul 2003 10:30:56 PM IST
One day a 5th grade class was taking a field trip but the weather was extreamlly bad and the trip was to be delayed and they had to stay in a hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was sleeping in the same froom as his teacher. In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and was frigtened by the sight of alex standing right over her. He asked if he could sleep with her cause he couldn't sleep. She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a little closer and she said okay. Then he asked if he could put his finger in her belly button...and she said "NO". "But my mommy lets me do it when i can't sleep and it helps." So the teacher says " okay fine, do whatever your mom lets you do." and a few minutes later the teacher says "OH...thats not my bellybutton." And Johhny says, "thats not my finger."
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 12, Jul 2003 10:41:23 PM IST
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher.
"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"
"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 12, Jul 2003 10:38:49 PM IST
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None.", replied Johnny,"cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married? "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you're thinking!"
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 12, Jul 2003 4:49:26 AM IST
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
Posted by: విజయ్ At: 12, Jul 2003 4:39:01 AM IST
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
Posted by: Mr. Spider Man At: 12, Jul 2003 0:51:40 AM IST
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