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General Forum: Love | | Marriage - Conditional or Unconditional love -- Part 1 | |
| Part 2 vraayanDi
You have made a good decision to part versus living with a mentally disturbed guy.
I had the same question in mind what Clueless asked.
Posted by: Mr. Srinivas Turlapati At: 19, Oct 2004 2:00:25 AM IST
Ms raaga - do you have kids? If not, would you have taken the same decision if you had kids?
/As you said, there is nothing that we can achieve in life with little effort and strength./
did you mean "there is nothing we cannot achieve"?
Posted by: చంటోడు At: 19, Oct 2004 1:53:55 AM IST
Thanks Padma. I appreciate your response. I left behind my past and moved forward in life. I learned to live for myself and regained my confidence. Like they say, everything happens for a good reason in life...I want to write Part2 of this story..a story after my divorce...to encourage and motivate people. and to throw some light to people who has misconception about traumatic life after divorce. As you said, there is nothing that we can achieve in life with little effort and strength.
Again thanks.
Posted by: Ms. tapana raaga At: 19, Oct 2004 1:43:26 AM IST
Not sure where to start….
My parents has got me married to a guy and like every other girl, I stepped into in-laws house with lot of hope and aspirations. I am a girl who is known to be very intelligent, smart, beautiful, fun, friendly, outgoing, go-getter. I had very good reputation in college and always stood first in my studies and also known for my down-to-earth attitude. My friends always thought that I am fun to hang out with, and my professors always loved me for being good at academics. And my Mom always thought that I was very innocent having no street smartness, but only bookish knowledge. But, I gave a less attention to her comment; as that’s what every parent think about their kid. Everything seemed to be going on so well until one day, my parents brought me a wedding proposal. Well, I was so busy with my studies and future plans, until then, and I never gave a thought at what kind of husband I want, even though I know what I want to become in my life. I want to become a good software programmer and good mom and wife to someone and set a good example to others. Nothing really great, but, something which probably most girls look for. Anyway, having no desires of my own, I said yes to whatever alliance my parents has brought for me, as I thought parents can make better decisions with their experience.
Coming back to where I stopped, I stepped into my in-laws and then soon, I came to know that our family was lied about their family property, about his education, job and everything. This was against my principle who doesn’t easily lie and it’s such a blow to know that someone could lie to marry a girl into their family. So, I convinced myself and don’t want to share my feelings to my parents as I don’t want to get them emotionally drained at that age or my friends as I don’t like to be sympathized for my condition. I learned to live with what I have and being well educated myself, I finally managed to get job in USA and flew to US along with my husband. I started to support him and applied for his work visa and finally got it. I waited for 2 yrs for him to settle down in a job. He started showing the traces of insecurity, but, I just thought that it could be just temporary and would soon pass away with his job. I took everything from him, all the crap, sleepless nights and headaches, but, my waiting has come to no end. Finally, his position had gotten worsen day by day, treating me like a piece of shit. It even went to an extent of beating me. I have lot of self respect and I couldn’t share this with my friends or family. I just maintained that most of the part is well in my life and I am just waiting for his job. The only person who knows the real story is me. I even tired to take him to a Psychiatrist, but, all my trails to do so have gone to waste. He was in no mood to listen to me and I know that something was definitely wrong.
After 5.5 yrs of pain, I decided to share it with my in-laws and I called them and talked to them about what’s going on and asked them for their help to take him to a psychiatrist. They said they would help and I took him to India. But, once, we were there, all they wanted us to do was get back to US, as they were afraid that relatives would know about it. I even want to settle back in India, but, my in-laws or my husband was not keen about it. However. I am firm on my decision about getting his treatment and I laid the clause of going back only after his treatment. They just gave me a deaf ear and one fine day, after much drama, without my in-laws around, I convinced and managed him to take to a psychiatrist and I am shocked to know that he was suffering from Schizophrenia. That explained me a lot about his illusions in US, his lack of interest, his unsocial attitude and other stuff. I went to in-laws and told them the situation and pleaded them to help him get treatment and medicine. No one was ready to listen to me and I am already exhausted. I talked to my parents and his uncle and we came to know that he was suffering from psychological problems even before marriage and they thought that everything was going to be alright by marrying him to a nice girl. So, here, I am a scape goat for them. I felt so cheated.
All my experiences at home and working outside supporting married life on my own made me totally into a complete strong woman. So, now, I am not an innocent girl anymore. Experiences have thought me so much in life at a very young age and today, I have a clear perception in my life. Had I been 3/4th smart (or street smart as my mom says) that day, this day would never have come in my life. I made my decision and took divorce.
I wrote this story not to proclaim my strength or courage, but, I thought my experience would help other girls like me to make better decisions in life. Never let things like these linger and go on for long. Try to share with close family and friends and talk to them and try to take their help and support. If they laugh at your condition, you know that they are not your good friends anymore. But, real friends and family always help you morally. Don’t spoil your life at the cost of your happiness. Make smart decisions and lead life smartly. There is limit for any sacrifice. If you are the only one making sacrifices in married life, hold back, think aloud for a bit. Guys, I am not trying to scare anyone, all, I am trying to say, is marriage is all about sharing and loving…….I am not sure, if it is conditional or unconditional…
Posted by: Ms. tapana raaga At: 19, Oct 2004 1:20:08 AM IST
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