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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Jokes -I | |
| In a restaurant one fine friday evening, several aging seniors are gathered around a table and are having a great time. Each of them tells his or her friends a number -- e.g., 23, 216, 96, etc. -- and they all laugh. After observing this ritual for a while, the waitress asks one of the fellows in the group in a whisper, "I just cannot understand what is going on? Why are you all laughing when someone says a number?"
The man replies, "We all go back a long way and we meet every friday in a new restaurant to tell each other jokes. But, we have heard the jokes so many times that we have assigned each joke a number. So when someone speaks out a number, we know what joke the number is referring to and we have a good laugh. Nice system, aye?"
"I see! How interesting! But tell me this, why did you all laugh so loudly when that lady in the maroon dress announced the number 356."
"Oh, we never heard that joke before
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 4, Apr 2002 12:05:55 PM IST
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician were asked to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer gets the sheep into a circular shape and constructs a fence around them. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it in until he can pull it no more. The mathematician thinks a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 1, Apr 2002 11:05:46 AM IST
A priest, a guru and a rabbi are discussing how they distribute the collections at their holy place between themselves and God. The priest says, "I draw a circle around me, throw all the collected money up in the air; I keep what falls within the circle and I give the rest to the church."
The guru replies, "I do almost the same thing. I just stand outside the circle and write 'God' in the circle. What falls in the circle I give to the temple and I keep the rest."
The rabbi says, "Drawing circles is a bit silly, don't you think? I just throw the money up in the air. What God wants he keeps. I just pick up what falls back to the earth."
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 26, Mar 2002 12:15:51 PM IST
One of the world greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it." When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it." "You're very kind," the scientist replied, "But I must find it, otherwise I won't know where to get off."
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 25, Mar 2002 6:08:17 PM IST
A pharmacist and a lawyer met each other on a vacation in the Swiss Alps. Introducing himself, "I am from Chicago and I am here because of a windfall from my insurance company after my house burned down and they paid for a new one."
"That's interesting," said the pharmacist, "I am here thanks to my insurance company too. My house was destroyed in a flood."
The lawyer, with a confused look on his face, asks the pharmacist earnestly, "But, how do you start a flood?"
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 25, Mar 2002 5:52:03 PM IST
An Italian shoe retailer ordered a new consignment of shoes from its Asian supplier. A week later, the Italian received a letter from the supplier that said, "We are sorry we are unable to fill your new order until you first pay for the last delivery."
The Italian replied, "Please cancel the new order. I can't wait that long."
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 25, Mar 2002 12:39:25 PM IST
Oscar Goldberg, 85-year old businessman, is on his deathbed, very close to his end. With his eyes closed, he asks, "Martha, my beautiful wife, are you here?"
"Yes, Oscar, I am right here. You have nothing to be afraid of," Martha replies, squeezing his hands gently.
"And, Philip, my first born, are you here?"
"Of course, dad, I am here."
"Sarah, my only daughter, are you here?"
"Daddy, daddy, I am here, I am here," Sarah replies, tears flowing down her cheek.
"Samuel, my youngest child, you here too?"
"Of course, daddy, where else will I be?"
Oscar opens his eyes and asks rather sternly, "If all of you are here, who the hell is minding the store?"
Posted by: Mrs. Aruna At: 25, Mar 2002 12:30:14 PM IST
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