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General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | Siri's Jokes Column | |
| A baby was born to a Chineese couple, with tiny eyes, nose, ears
and
mouth.
They named him Lingwingwong.
Soon a second baby was born who had tiny ears, eyes,nose and
mouth
again.
They named him Chingwingwong.
Then the third was born. It had big ears, eyes, nose and mouth.
The
parents thought for long and guess what they named him.
----)Somethingwrong!
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 1:19:25 PM IST
Some jks
-------
One:
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month
after I die I want you to marry Mr Drone."
"Drone ! But he is your enemy !"
"Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
Two:
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first Married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all-different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?"Said the counsellor,"You're still getting the same Service!"
Three:
One woman told another: "My neighbor is always speaking ill of her husband.
But look at me. My husband is Foolish, Lazy and a Coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"
Four:
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to." replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough."
Five:
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares to answer her."
One of his friends asked, "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back."
Six:
A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him." "Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbor said, "You see, his name is Bill."
Seven:
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "What's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet."
Eight:
Hubby: "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.why?"
Wife : "When there is a problem, no matter how insurmountable, I look
at
your picture and the problem disappears."
Hubby : "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you."
Wife : "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem
can
there be greater than this one ?'
Nine:
The bride was crying. "What's the matter?" asked her friend.
"Well," she replied, "I didn't know until after the wedding that he had been married before and had five kids."
"That must have come as a shock to you."
"Yes, and my four children weren't happy either."
Ten:
"My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog in the street."
"Oh, that's terrible!"
"Yes, it was terrible to watch the dog die slowly in convulsions
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 1:11:31 PM IST
THE CLASSIFEID LOVE ADS OF THE GODS....
OK! Here's is what Arjun would write if he placed an ad in the
matrimonial section:
"Handsome, kshatriya, warrier, excellent with bows and arrows, blessed
by God Krishna, seeks beautiful bride for sharing with four
of his brothers, expected all to live in the same house.
All brothers involved in a old family rivalry and hence, girl
is expected to strip infront of strangers as part of a deal to
save lives of her family. Should also be stragically placed so
that she can be won in a competition.
Hi!
Here's what Rama would write if he placed an ad in the matrimonial
section....
sd
The way things are going, the chap probably has an anonymouse-id by now.
Specially if he is posting matrimonials. "Handsome, healthy,
wheatish-complexioned, 3 x 10^7 years old, 5'7" tall Prince-Regent (with green
card) seeks homely, well-bred wife less than 5'4" tall. The boy (sic) has
been married once, two twin sons by first marriage i.e. highly potent, first
wife missing (believed to have been swallowed by her over-protective mother
(don't ask, thanks)). He is an excellent archer, but he thinks he is some kind
of divine incarnation (don't they all!). Bit of a daddy's boy, will do
anything for the old man. Prospective girls should have NO interest in any
golden deer they happen to see in the forest. (Trust me, this has proven to be
A Bad Idea the first time around.) Should be willing to relocate to Ayodhya.
Must like camping in the wild for several years, if necessary. Some foreign
travel involved, including kidnapping and incarceration by physically deformed
asuras, etc. Also, must be willing to deal with monkeys on a daily basis.
Serious replies only. Include daytime telephone number.
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 1:07:00 PM IST
Ghat jokes ( A little knowledge of Marathi might help )
Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian in the U.S.?
A : Western Ghat.
Q : What does a Maharashtrian mean by "fast food"?
A : Sabudana Khichdi.
Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian who makes air-conditioners?
A : Cool-karni.
Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian whose father is missing?
A : Ba-gul.
Q : What would you call Urmila in the role of a monkey?
A : Urmila MakkadTondkar.
Q : Which is the highest office occupied by Maharashtrians in the U.S.A.?
A : That of the Vice-President - Dan Quayle(Kale) & Al Gore. :
Mumbai-ite jokes :-
Q : How come the Bombay Ranji team has so many fast bowlers?
A : West Indians are natural fast bowlers.
Q : How do dogs in Dombivli (place near Bombay) wag their tails?
A : Up & down. Because, they don't have enough space to wag sideways.
Q : What did one tamarind in a sack tell its neighbour?
A : "I feel as if I am travelling in a Bombay local". :
Bong jokes ( no knowledge of Bengali reqd ):- :
Q : How does the Bong learn the alphabet?
A : A for Orange, B for Bhegetable.... :
Q : How does a Bong relax in the evening?
A : He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij. :
Q : What does the Bong do first in the morning?
A : After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit. :
Calcuttan jokes :-
Q : What does a Calcuttan who has a lot of time do? And what
does a hurrying Calcuttan do?
A : The one with a lot of time takes some public
transport(bus/tram). The Calcuttan in a hurry would walk.
Q : Why are Metro commuters like Dawood Ibrahim?
A : Because they are underground.
Delhi-ite jokes :-
Q : Red-line private buses are notorious for their recklessness
and hit rate. When a red-line bus is on the road, which is
the best place be in?
A : Inside the bus.
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 1:02:52 PM IST
TAMILIAN :
What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
I, Iyer, Iyengar.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
MALAYALEE :
What's a smart Malayalee called?
Debo-nair.
An extraordinary malayalee ..
PHENO-MENON
A smart and extraordinary malayalee ..
VIJI-MENON
How do u identify a Mallu?
Zimply.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
MARWARI :
How was wire invented?
Two marwaris spotted the same coin.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
PARSI :
An angry Parsi?
God-rage.(Godrej is a famous Parsi last name)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
UPait :
A U.P. Botanist?
Agni-hot-tree.
a son of 2 fathers .. Dvivedi
of 3 fathers .. Trivedi
of 4 fathers .. Chaturvedi
of 5 fathers .. Pandey
of several fathers .. Misra
of unknown parentage .. Gupta
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
BENGALI :
What did a Bengali voyeur say to another?
Keyhollo?
What do u call a firebrand Bong?
Gun-goli.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
GUJJU :
Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
A Gujju Business house?
Kalabhai-Salabhai.
Why did the Gujju go to Rome?
To listen to Pop(e) music.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SARDARJI
What do you call a sardar with one hair ?
Iqbal Singh.
What is the taxi service in Khalistan called ?
Kar Seva.
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:52:13 PM IST
Pakistani tourist
-------------------------------
A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets
of Delhi found himself needing to urinate badly. After a long search he
could not find any place to you-know, and eventually couldn't control
himself and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself.
As soon as he had just started you-know-what, a Delhi police official
approached him, "Hey, What do you think you're doing here?"
Pakistani tourist: "Sorry I have to Pee"
Police : "No PP here okay ? Follow me......"
The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of
grass, flowers and singing birds around........
Police: "PP here..... and have a nice day".
Pakistani tourist : "Oh Sir, ....... that's very nice of you, is
this Indian courtesy?"
Police: "No.......this is The Pakistani Embassy!"
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:48:53 PM IST
Indian Joint Ventures
----------------------------
10. A chain of "Bhaskar-RaoBins" ice cream stores all over the country,
in collaboration with Baskin Robins.
9. Kraft will make "PARAMESAN CHEESE" at Madras, in collaboration with
Parameswaran & Co.
8. Kentucky Fried Chicken will open its chain of Indian version, to be
named, "KARNATAKI FLY-ED CHICKEN" and will be headquartered at Bangalore.
7. Pizza Hut will open a chain, in the back alleys of all cities, its
version, to be named:"PICHHE HUT". Headquarters: Kanpur. PICHHE =
means back-alleys for the uneducated
6. McDonalds will open its fast food restaurants to be named:
"McDosalu". Hqs. Hyderabad. Main menu: Idli and Dosa.
5. Mr. Submarine will name its restaurants as "Mr. SUBRAMANI", to be
headquartered at Madras.
4. Red Carpets coloured with biodegradable (hence environmentally
friendly) red PAAN. Juice extracts will enjoy duty-free status in US.
3. Dallas Cowboys will own a new franchise: Dilli's COW-BHAIS, to teach
Indians how to play Football.... with hands.
2. Duty-free import of Ambassador cars into USA, as long as they are not
used outside of Demolition Derby.
1. Internal Revenue Service will provide technology transfer of its Tax
System software to Indian Income Tax Dept and to be named: "UNCLE SHYAM".
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:47:00 PM IST
Ramar Pillai was roaming on top of the himalayas one day when he found
the magical herb ... "main scientist to nahin... magar ai herb , jabse
dekha maine tuzhko muzhko chemistry aa gayee...."
he became a instant success in his village . people said
" jaadu tera fuel , khushboo tera herb ...".
for 10 long years he went on happily singing
"herbal hee herbal ho daaman mein jiske, kyon na khushi se wo
diwaana ho jaye..."
until one day when he got a call from the dept. of S&T . in his
mind ramar knew "patta patta boota boota , haal humara jaane hain..."
even then he accpeted the invitation . at the station scientists from the
dee-ass-tee and eye-eye-tee were waiting eagerly
"kabse kare hain tera intezaar , kab aayega mere pillai ramar..." . at
the institute they asked him "jaadugar pillai toone yeh kya kiya ..?"
so ramar assembled them and said "mere paas aao mere dosto ek kissa
suno... kai saal pahle ki yeh baat hain..."
after that he was unceremoniously dispatched to his village ..
"musaafir hoon yarron... naa herb hai.. na thikaana"...
he was afterwards asked to demo his experiment which failed
"badi mushkil hai khoya mera rod hai.. koi use dhoondke laaye na.."
the sigh(!)- en -tists were depressed
"jaane kahan gaya wo herb , kehte thhe jiske patton se petrol hum
banayenge.."
for ramar it was " main scientist badnaam .. main chala..ho main chala.."
the world said "scientist nahi.. paagal hai tu.. fraud bada ..dukhdayak
hai tu.."
the villagers when interviewed said "wo to hai albela , hazzaron mein
akela , sada tumne herb dekha , fuel to na dekha..."
but for the dst and iit it was like "aisa zakhm diya hai , jo naa ab
bharega , her jawan pillai se ab ye department darega.."
and now pillai stays a lonely dejected soul . when he was last
interviewed he said " ye kya hua ? kaise hua? kab hua? kyun hua? jab hua
, tab hua ..chchodo ye
naa poochcho..."
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:44:15 PM IST
Johnny Mera Naam
Piya Ka Ghar
Choukee No. 11
Teesri Manzil
China Town
Date: Nav Do Gyarah
My Dear Anamica':
You must be surprised to receive this Prem Patra' from me. Let me make my
Pahechan' to you as Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge'. Though I am an
Awaara', I am also your Deewana'.
I am making you a Prarthna' to enter my Zindagi' as a Priyatama'. Even
though I do not have any Sambandh' with you, I still consider you as my
Dream Girl' with Lal Dupatta Malmal Ka'. There are only Do Raaste' left
for me. One is to get your love by Tyag' or to go the Rangeela' way.
Wouldn't you like to be Mere Jeevan Saathi' as you are Lakhon Mein Ek'? I
also hope that you will Guide' me in Bahar' as we are made for Ek Duje Ke
Liye'.
We will live in Naya Zamana' where we will have a Suhana Safar'. In this
Himalay Ki God Mein', our Bandhan' is going to tied with Preet Ki Dor'. I
hope that we will have nothing but Anand' in Ye Dillagi'.
Aren't you bored of Akele Hum Akele Tum' life? Let this Baazigar' be your
Boy Friend' and we start Pehli Mohabbat'. This Chahat' is going to lead
to a Milan' where you are going to call me everyday for Aao Pyar Karen'.
Now, Phir Kab Miloge' as Tumse Accha Kaun Hein'? As you know my love is
Himalay Se Uncha' and hopefully our Mulakat' will be An Evening in Paris'.
Aa Gale Lag Jaa'!
Hum Aapke Hain Koun...?'
Prem Pujari'
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:35:01 PM IST
What does ABCD stand for?
-------------------------
America
Based
Confused
Desi
Escaped
From
Gujarat;
Housed
In
Jersey;
Keeping
Lotsa'
Motels
Named
Omkarnath
Patel;
Quickly
Reached
Success
Through
Underhanded
Vicious
Ways;
Xenophobic
Yet
Zealous
America Born Confused Desis
Amrikan Born Cute Desinis ;-)
or any of the hundreds of other variations you can think of...
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 29, Nov 2002 12:32:32 PM IST
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