|
|
|
General Forum: Offbeat n Jokes | | paata jOkulu Revisited | |
| Kahani Sher Ki....
Once upon a time, in a village, there came a lion &
started troubling the villagers. Getting frustrated
because of the lion, the people decided to take some
action. They decided that after 6:00 o'clock in the
evening everybody will return home and lock the doors
from inside. The trick worked, lion came and found
nothing. Next day also it came and saw the same thing
everywhere! It happened for 2-3 nights. Then finally
one day, the frustrated lion came and locked all the
doors from outside and went back into the forest.
Now suggest some good title for the story!
Reminder: You are asked to suggest the title of the
story and not the moral
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
Title: Sherlock Homes
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 5:36:38 PM IST
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Frnd: Y?
Srdr: Got upper berth.
Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 exchange in the lower berth..
Sardar - why r all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
KBC: Apko eak karod ke lia akhri sawal.
Q : Agar apki patni ko bhoot ne pakad lia tho aap kya karoge?
Sardar : Usme mein kya kar sakta hu, aab bhoot ne galti ki hai tho wahi bhuktega na!!!
Sardar 1: Y r u running after the bus?
Sardar 2: I m saving 5rs bus fair.
Sardar 1: Then y dont run after Auto u will save 10rs!!!
Two Sardargis were pushing their car to garrage for repairs, but the car wasent moving ahead. U may ask Y?
Bcoz each one of the sardarji was pushig the car frm either side...
Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
Again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!
Sardarji went to a school 2 fill admission form for his child. Suddenly he boards a flight & goes to Delhi & comes back after some time. One man asked y did he do so?. Suddenly Sardarji replied "Oye isme tho saaf saaf likha hai ki naam CAPITAL me likho".
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly,
A man asks why he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to
what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 Crs or else return my 20 Rs back.!
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'
......Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply after 4th one.
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call
modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 5:29:42 PM IST
Bill Gates was in India a few days ago. He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Hindi.
Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in the Hindi version of...
Khidkiyan97:
Phaail = File
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Paas se dhekho = Zoom
Duur se dhekho = Zoom Out
Kholo = Open
Bandh Karo = Close
Naya = New
Khatara = Old
Badli Karo = Replace
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Kaapi = Copy
Kaato = Cut
Kato = Stupid Houseguest
Chipkao = Paste
Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special
Goli Maaro = Delete
Nazaara = View
Hathiyaar = Tools
Hathiyaar Khambha = Toolbar
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aata = Database
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Ped = Tree
Thooso = Compress
Chooha = mouse
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar.Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar
Enjoy:D
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 5:27:37 PM IST
An Indian was sitting with a Pakistani and a Malaysian in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden, Saudi police entered and arrested them.They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But,as It was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then said: "Please be tieing a pillow to my back." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Pakistani guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back". But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again.
Before the Indian fellow could say something, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"As you are from a small country, and your football team and your golfers are terrible, and your women skinny (Saudis love fat women) you can have two wishes!".
"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", the Indian replies.
"My first wish is: "I would like to have 40 lashes."
"If you so desire", the Sheik replies with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"
"Tie the Pakistani to my back", the Indian answers.:D
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 5:22:53 PM IST
Aisi apni Wife ho..................
5'5" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho
Chehra jiska bright ho,
Weight mein thodi light Ho,
Umar me difference slight ho,
Thodi see wo quiet ho,
Aisi apni Wife ho.
Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,
Bhid me sab kahe side ho, side ho,
India ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho.
Padosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,
Haath me garam chaai ho,
Dinner candle light ho,
Dono me na kabhi fight ho,
Milne ke baad dil delight ho,
Hey prabhu teri archana uski life ho.
Yeh kavita padhke sab kahe
"Guru, tum right ho",
Aise apni Wife ho.
Kaash yeh concept 0.0001 percent bhi right ho
Agar aisi apni wife hoto kya hasin life ho
Har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho
Khudah ke software mein bhi bug ki na gunjaish ho
Ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho
aisi apni wife ho.
Enjoy Life.......................
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 5:18:26 PM IST
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 5:09:49 PM IST
To help the new wave of incoming students from India,
here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday:
Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....
Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to
encourage ride-sharing schemes.
Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.
Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.
Q. How come you speak English so well?
A. You see when the British were ruling India,they employed Indians
as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English.
So the British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born speaking English.
Q. Are you a Hindi?
A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would
let me go to school.
Q. India is very hot, isn't it?
A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously.
That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
Q. Are there any business companies in India?
A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of self-sufficiency.
We all make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is is a lot of hard work.
Q. Indians cannot beef, huh?
A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet.
So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the
population of the country, the government is trying to encourage
everyone to eat human meat.
Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing.
That is why things are so inefficient there.
Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?
A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the botton of our feet to make it hard so that we can walk.
Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
A. I prefer it to coming naked.
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 4:56:22 PM IST
One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.
Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 4:54:17 PM IST
No formalities
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 4:53:36 PM IST
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa "
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good showyou wouldn't have fit into her clothes)
Posted by: Mr. Siri Siri At: 23, Apr 2006 4:52:42 PM IST
| |
|
|
|
| Advertisements |
|
|
|
|
| Advertisements |
|
